…to ask for your “if I didn’t laugh I’d cry” moments?!

[RaRaRaspoutine]

(Lighthearted)

My mum and both my grandparents have got covid, so I am pootling between houses to cook, clean and make sure everyone is okay and has painkillers etc. I look (and feel) like a little bemasked Florence Nightingale.

On Friday an Openreach van turned up, fiddled with some wires and pissed off… leaving me with no broadband or phone. It won’t be fixed until tomorrow at the earliest. I would like the BT man to know that he is an arse.

My period has turned up (it’s on time but I’m still unreasonably annoyed). I’m bloated and grumpy and I would like a holiday. On a trip back from the pharmacy this morning a tiny little boy holding his teddy waved at me and I thought I would burst into tears!!

Oh and Coronation Street hasn’t been on… and I can’t catch up with Doc Martin as there’s no internet!

I just had a (slightly hysterical) laugh to myself. It can only get better, can’t it?! Please come tell me the moments you had to laugh or you would cry… whilst I make up another lemsip.

Washed some pillows they stunk horribly while drying.

Had another go they stunk again.
Threw them out and bought some new pillows.

Don't buy pillows with down in them they stink.

Had to waste water and electricity and washing powder to find out though and time .

London Underground were on strike (5th November 2010) I worked in London at the High Court. That week I was on duty in the Applications Court (urgent applications, needing an urgent decision from a Judge) Terribly busy and made even worse by the strike.
That morning our much loved cat collapsed, as I had to leave mega early to get a train then bus, DS takes it to the vet.
Court is really busy, am working through lunch and at about 3 in the afternoon I notice 4 missed calls from the vets. Phone them back, cat has had a stroke, and due to his age the best way forward is to PTS would I be at vets before close as he would be PTS when surgery finishes.
I had to find a colleague to take over from me which took ages, everyone wanted to leave early due to the strike, and ended up promising to do two duties for this particular colleague for him seeing out my duty.
Got a bus and was stuck in solid traffic, kept trying to phone DH, to tell him to pick me up from station so we could go to the vets.
Phone goes, I assume its DH, but no its DS's girlfriend in tears, it transpires DS has been arrested!!
Currently in local nick!
By the time I get to local railway station I am close to tears, plan to get cab to go to vets but queue (because of strike) is really long, so I start to run.
Halfway to the vets DH pulls up in his van (he had left his phone at home) guessed I would be coming home from the railway station so came to meet me.
We got to the vets just in time to cuddle DCat, then in a very emotional state went to the police station to find out what was going on.
Ds had been arrested along with all his colleagues for handling stolen goods!

(It was a hairy few weeks until it was realised that only the Manager and assistant Manager were aware that the items they were selling were stolen, and none of the rest of the staff were aware)

Coming back from a holiday we got to the airport to find the reason why the air tickets seemed so much cheaper than all the other deals... DH had booked the return for a month's time.

Kids panicked, DH & I managed to stay cool despite the fact there were no flights to our destination with places for the 4 of us for 3 days (after the kids were back to school) but luckily there was a flight back to a different city in two hours' time that could accommodate us - and as DH had been doing some contract work lately we could afford it. We arrived home, remarkably, only 5 hours late, including an intercity taxi to get us to our car at the other airport. We still laugh about this every time one of us books a flight and ensure it's the right month.

The next morning we went to go somewhere and the car didn't start - we are so relieved it didn't do that in the airport carpark 10 hours earlier, that would have been the icing on the shitcake. 😬

Went away for a short break in Venice in November, about ten years ago. It was bitterly cold, although we had proper coats with us we had to buy extra woolly scarves and hats. These proved inadequate and I caught cold and spent most of the holiday in bed with a raging cold.
I dragged myself out of bed to go to the airport, and discovered that the city was flooded with high water. We had to walk to the bus station along narrow trestles carrying the suitcases as the boats were all cancelled .
Finally arrived at Gatwick after two hour delay because of Venetian weather. Got as far as the roundabout leaving the airport when the front tyre blew out, jamming onto wheel so DH could not change it himself. Waited about forty minutes for repair man ( very helpful) to put on run flat tyre. Discovered that you can only do 40 miles an hour on them, and that the late night lorry drivers on the motorway do not appreciate this.

got home about 2.00 am instead of predicted time of 9.00p.m.. cold even worse due to hanging about on roundabout etc.

I have never been on holiday by air again.

Bloody hell @HazelBite just read that with an open mouth!!!

On a childhood camping without trailer tent the fan belt snapped so we used mu mums tights to rig up another. The car then bllew a gasket and we spent the night on a pub car park.
The bucket obviously got full of shit and piss. My sister sleep walked and knocked the entire contents over herself and the trailer tent with no access to cleaning facilities.
She went home in my mums knickers and a t shirt. Holidays were like this in the 80s.

Exactly! I was so run down with everything, I lost my voice. My birthday was a week later & I didn't have the mental energy to celebrate. This has been a really horrid year. 😆🤦🏼

Omg, that is horrendous! I can recommend Cuba as a lovely holiday if you feel you can fly abroad again 😬💞

Making myself and DD cauliflower cheese as an easy Mother’s Day dinner. I heated up cheese sauce from the freezer in the microwave and dropped the whole bowl from waist height onto the kitchen floor. It stayed upright but bounced and splattered cheese sauce across the whole kitchen including the ceiling. Not quite the quick meal I had planned. I am still finding occasional specks of the stuff a year later.

Years ago, I was having a new washing machine fitted. So I decided to be an independent woman and take the old one out myself. I pulled it out and suddenly the cold water hose snaked around the kitchen, the water pressure was so high the water was hitting the ceiling, soaking me - you get the picture. I managed to grab it and hold it in the sink but couldn't then reached the stop-cock thingy, which I'd forgot to turn off. Like a bizarre game of Twister, I managed to get my phone which was thankfully on the kitchen unit and call my b/f, who lived across the road and had a key. He came in, took one look at me and burst out laughing.
I told him to FO, which he did!!! I managed to find something heavy which I laid on the hose to keep it in the sink - switched the stop cock off and set about mopping the kitchen. B/f came round later. I really wanted to tell him to FO again but I could see he was desperately trying not to start laughing again and it set me off. We laughed for about 15mins.

My late fil had a new washing machine delivered and he paid to have it installed. The man showed him how to start it up and work it and suggested a run through. It wasn't until he had started it up did he then realize that the paperwork and instructions were still inside the drum. They had to replace the washer , but fil did say it was funny seeing the look of horror on the man's face as he realized his mistake and the very wet shredded paper. As well having to ring the shop to arrange for a new one to be delivered and admit his error too!
Kind of thing you laugh about later.

11 day old refluxy baby. 5 year old with a sick bug who won't leave newborn alone. Boiler broke. Had to do all night feeds last night to keep 5 year old away from him. Exhausted. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Car keys fell out of my pocket onto seat of toilet I'd just used, they hung there for a moment while I thought oh thank god they didn't fall in, and then they just quietly slid into the loo.

Someone told me once that if you will laugh about something later then why not laugh about it now?

A few years ago when my dd was about 3.

It was a Saturday and we had a plumber here in the downstairs toilet, he started shouting for my husband because he had gone through a pipe and water was pissing everywhere so my husband runs down and sticks his finger over the hole while plumber tries to grab stuff to sort it. I run down the stairs after to see what was going on but I slip on the cardboard plumber had put on tiled floor and twist my ankle which immediately balloons! Dh has to take older one to a football match and plumber goes home so I'm left with a massive ankle and a three year old, I'm sitting with frozen peas on my ankle but need a wee so hop to the toilet and while I'm gone dd manages to open bag of frozen peas and they roll everywhere 😂 We we're finding them for days and I may have cried!!