to ask about 'male menopause'/low testosterone?

finesthour · 2022-09-11T10:43:06+00:00

Namechanged. DH is mid forties. Over the past year or so I feel like he's showing increased signs of ageing - hair thinning on top, finding it much harder to lose weight when he wants, not sleeping well blah blah. The worst thing though is that he seems MUCH more grumpy than he did a decade ago. More belligerent and snappy with me and the kids (even though they are all older primary/senior school age and very 'easy' generally). Less willing to try new things, more critical overall. Obviously this isn't great to live with, and I'm feeling a bit resentful that women are so educated about their hormones and the impact on their moods. Many of us acknowledge that peri-menopause or menopause can contribute negatively on our mental state and take steps to change it with HRT etc...but men don't seem to think about this for themselves and we are all supposed to put up with it! I'm not trying to 'excuse' DH being a git, but the grumpiness coupled with the physical stuff make me think part of this is hormonal. Not sure if it's low testosterone or what, but has anyone's partner actually looked into this?

sleepymum50 · 11/09/2022 12:00

There seems to be a lot of men who get more grumpy as they get older. Myself and both my SILs have noticed it about our husbands.

it may be a consequence of getting older. I remember reading an article about men being given testosterone. I think the result was they mostly had the libido of a much younger man. Interesting thought though. I’ll go and have a Google.

sleepymum50 · 11/09/2022 12:07

Hi, I’ve just read an interesting article Male menopause Myth or reality by the Mayo Clinic. It’s big business in the US.

Original poster

finesthour · 11/09/2022 12:34

Hmmm, I've just had a look at that article. It is interesting but I'm now more confused that ever - many of the 'symptoms' DH has would indicate testosterone being too high, if anything!

Can anyone else shed any more light on this? I feel pretty resentful that I'm constantly aware of myself with stuff like PMT and declining hormones in peri, and take steps to address it so I'm not hell to live with....

OP posts:

EmmaH2022 · 11/09/2022 12:42

I'm in peri and it's more an issue of balance I think. Mum's question was if oestrogen was said to maybe contribute to weight gain on the pill, why would loss of oestrogen lead to weight gain in menopause?

so maybe the high/low testosterone is the same thing, we are all experiencing a delicate hormone balance.

with getting more grumpy as I get older, I just think it's about seeing the same shit as you've seen before, I don't feel it's linked to my hormones.

Discovereads · 11/09/2022 12:49

Yes, there is a name for it, andropause. It is essentially the male version of menopause. But yes around the same age their hormones also start acting up and causing them irritable moods, loss of sex drive, weight gain, brain fog, hirsutism,…it’s just not talked about and unlike menopause not even thought of as a reason why a man would be too debilitated to work and function. Nope, this only applies to women of course because sexism and patriarchy means any old excuse, often hormones, to explain why women can’t do what men can do.

Original poster

finesthour · 11/09/2022 12:52

@Discovereads - Dh pretty much has everything you've listed apart from low sex drive...although he's always had a higher sex drive than me, so perhaps if were the other way round I would have noticed a difference.

Do you know if there's any way to investigate medically, or find a solution? x

OP posts:

Discovereads · 11/09/2022 13:08

Well similar to women you can go to your GP, he assessed to rule out depression/mid life crisis and can do blood tests and even prescribe HRT.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/male-menopause/

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 18:26

Sorry to revive an old thread but does anyone have any advice on this? DH is increasingly grumpy about everything, has persistent weight gain and like OP's DH is not experiencing ED at all - quite a difficult set of symptoms to manage...

Hollowgast · 09/05/2023 18:36

I can add my experiences here. I had extremely low testosterone, roughly the equivalent of a 95 year old (I was 40). It wasn't until I started getting full on hot flashes that I thought something may have been amiss. After all, being tired is normal when you have kids, and everybody cries at the end of Paddington 2, right? I think mumps as a child was the issue (and explains how we needed ISCI to have our DCs). I''m prescribed testosterone gel, apply it each morning to my upper arms and it's made a big difference. Much more energy, I can do pull ups for the first time in years. Please do ask your H to ask for a blood test, there's no guarantee but it made a big difference for me.

Although I still cried at the end of Billy Elliot. But that was the first time I'd seen the film since becoming a Dad.

PaterPower · 09/05/2023 19:01

His GP can pull bloods and check for his T level.

Might also be worth getting a diabetes check, especially if he has any sort of family history and/or he’s getting up several times a night to pee, is thirsty a lot more than normal or has had any difficulties getting an erection.

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 21:53

Thank you both so much that's really helpful. The weird thing is he has a higher sex drive than ever- so that along with moodiness and overall lack of energy seems quite confusing.
I'll see if he'd go for a blood test but he refuses to believe there's anything wrong because he's always ready to go, same if not more so than when we first met 15 years ago!

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 21:55

Hollowgast · 09/05/2023 18:36

I can add my experiences here. I had extremely low testosterone, roughly the equivalent of a 95 year old (I was 40). It wasn't until I started getting full on hot flashes that I thought something may have been amiss. After all, being tired is normal when you have kids, and everybody cries at the end of Paddington 2, right? I think mumps as a child was the issue (and explains how we needed ISCI to have our DCs). I''m prescribed testosterone gel, apply it each morning to my upper arms and it's made a big difference. Much more energy, I can do pull ups for the first time in years. Please do ask your H to ask for a blood test, there's no guarantee but it made a big difference for me.

Although I still cried at the end of Billy Elliot. But that was the first time I'd seen the film since becoming a Dad.

Bless you with all the tears! Hope you're feeling better now as well as the energy? Do you mind if I ask did you experience ED with these symptoms? Not sure if it's a crucial indicator or just a common one...

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 21:56

PaterPower · 09/05/2023 19:01

His GP can pull bloods and check for his T level.

Might also be worth getting a diabetes check, especially if he has any sort of family history and/or he’s getting up several times a night to pee, is thirsty a lot more than normal or has had any difficulties getting an erection.

Good point on the diabetes too, I've thought this might be an issue before cos he gets hangry a lot which can be due to diabetes crashes

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2023 21:56

I think you’ll find it’s called “marriage”. They get far too entitled and comfortable with a woman looking after them and need to be kicked out and forced to sort themselves out. I prescribe a LTB.

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 22:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2023 21:56

I think you’ll find it’s called “marriage”. They get far too entitled and comfortable with a woman looking after them and need to be kicked out and forced to sort themselves out. I prescribe a LTB.

Ha!! There's a lot of entitled in there tbf - maybe I'm looking for some magic pills to turn him back into the man I married :(

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2023 22:13

@Festivfrenzy sorry it sounds cynical but most of this is just down to the syndrome where men, when they have a captive woman, allow themselves to revert to the cave child underneath simply because they think they can get away with it.

Andropause may be a thing but the grumpiness etc is just a spoiled man child. We have to stop tolerating it/pandering to it.

lampformyfeet · 09/05/2023 22:21

Male pattern baldness is a combination of genetics and testosterone. I think that’s why some women develop hairy faces and thin hair on top after going through the menopause, because they still produce testosterone.
I reckon a lot of men look at their lives and think “is this it?” and some have a massive crisis, buy a sports car etc etc to try and relive their youth.
Maybe it’s worth working out what you enjoy together and nurture things from there. Men often don’t want to talk about how they feel and they get grumpy because they find it hard to put into words but it’s worth trying to get him to open up.

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 22:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2023 22:13

@Festivfrenzy sorry it sounds cynical but most of this is just down to the syndrome where men, when they have a captive woman, allow themselves to revert to the cave child underneath simply because they think they can get away with it.

Andropause may be a thing but the grumpiness etc is just a spoiled man child. We have to stop tolerating it/pandering to it.

Sadly I think you're right. I don't really tolerate it which causes other problems, was just hoping some of the behaviour could be cured with some kind of medication. Legal medication that is.

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 22:36

lampformyfeet · 09/05/2023 22:21

Male pattern baldness is a combination of genetics and testosterone. I think that’s why some women develop hairy faces and thin hair on top after going through the menopause, because they still produce testosterone.
I reckon a lot of men look at their lives and think “is this it?” and some have a massive crisis, buy a sports car etc etc to try and relive their youth.
Maybe it’s worth working out what you enjoy together and nurture things from there. Men often don’t want to talk about how they feel and they get grumpy because they find it hard to put into words but it’s worth trying to get him to open up.

Agree- actually maybe this is what he needs. I did read somewhere about men losing interest in all hobbies and just thinking sex will cure everything, but maybe some kind of ridiculous car would work instead!

Festivfrenzy · 09/05/2023 22:39

And as for the opening up, that's not a problem- it's all very poor me delusional unfortunately. Why are there no little pink pills to stop mens erections? Or campaigns to stop men talking about their problems?? It's not actually always that helpful- blows every little thing into a mental health crisis when there's not even an issue to begin with.