To feel I've wasted my working life and not know what to do?

[Lifechangesneeded]

I'm not going to go into the full story else it'll be an essay but I'm 42 and I feel like I've wasted over 20 years of my life somehow and I have no idea if I can/should do anything about it, feel awful. I've drifted in and out of jobs and never had a career and don't know if it's too late now.

I did a counselling studies degree and qualified as a counsellor years ago but, thanks to a mix of an abusive marriage, poor mental health, a child with additional needs, parents severe illness and 2nd marriage to a lovely DH who also has poor mental health I feel like I've been just keeping my head above water rather than getting anywhere.

I drifted into random jobs just to pay the bills and now am working as a benefits advisor, for a 3rd sector organisation not DWP, to help people manage their money, ironic when I've never earned much more than minimum wage and have about 18k debt we're working our way through (due to illness/ life hiccups rather than anything ongoing like gambling).

I started an OU part time computing degree last year, mainly because I'd get 2nd degree funding if it's a STEM subject and the loan/grant money would be handy to put towards the debts, I'm finding it really interesting but only just have time to do the course, let alone get into coding as much as I'd need to get a job in that area so I don't know if I'm just wasting my time.

I feel like I should be able to get a career by now, be on more than minimum wage and feel like I've just wasted all my chances. I'd love to be able to earn a bit more to make us more secure and pay off debts, be able to fix leaks in the house without sticking it on a credit card!

I've thought about trying to work towards a coding job but feel I'm out of time, I should have got into it years ago to make anything of it, or go back to counselling/psychology but jobs seem difficult to get in that area. Or do I stay in support/advice and try and get a better job? I feel like an ancient school leaver to be honest, have I just spoilt my working life and need to settle for min wage?

Finish your computing degree then look for a good form that has an IT Service Desk and get a role there.

To get the role, big up the unique mix of computing AND counselling skills you have. Service Desks are all about good, basic computing knowledge and the ability to deal with stressed people in a calm and reassuring way. Actually, you may even be able to make that jump now with just 1/2 the degree under your belt.

Pick the firm well: choose one that really invests in it's people.

Look to earn around £20k in that starter role.

Work your way up from there.

Not much advice, but you're doing great. We can't help what life throws at us. But you've picked yourself up and are moving forwards. That shows strength and resilience. I feel similar about my life, but it was what it was. I'm older than you but have just got my first "management" role. You have been proactive and are looking to the future. Is there anything extra your partner can pick up? Remember that you are not on this earth to solve everyone else's problems and other adults need to stand on their own two feet, and you need to do you.

And no - you're not out of time. Service Desks do tend to be full of younger people BUT there is always space for someone a bit older with patience and 'worldy wise'. Someone who won't panic when there is a Major Incident.

So don't let age put you off there. Big it up as part of what makes you better than the others.

If wanting more prep for the role then also add a basic ITIL understanding eg www.freeitiltraining.com/

Thank you for the reassurance, I'll definitely look into IT service desk work, at least if I was working in that area I could pick up skills instead of being stuck in current job.

@Darkness22 - congrats, was it a career change or something you've been working towards? Unfortunately I haven't been letting other people stand on their own 2 feet, more like running myself ragged trying to prop them up, DH is struggling himself, he can only work from home due to mental health and I'm constantly worried his job will end but I need to push him to look after himself really.

What about social work? With your life experience and counselling qualifications I'm sure they'd love you.

I'd be wary of anything tech related. You'll be competing against 20 year olds who have been coding since they were 9

Also an other area to look at for service desks are councils.....can be more flexible...and combination of counselling +some tech really good skills....other areas to consider depending what you feel anout balance of tech/people...digital inclusion more people ...cyber security?......i moved into IT at 50! My skills are communication, project management and building relationships..

.keep at it....your resilience will be an asset to any organisation......
Councils generally pay a bit less so have to think more flexibly about recruitment ......

Complete your course as you are enjoying it as well as re-skilling into a buoyant sector.

Coding is not the be all & end all of ICT work. For some roles, it is enough to grasp the fundamentals of coding & what is required to produce good code, e.g requirements capture & specification, is essential.

With your proven people skills, life experience & up-to-date qualification, you’d be a good fit in a ICT business analysis or consultancy role.

That's what I was worried about with coding but then I feel the same about any job, that there's 20 year olds doing it with more experience than me already. I'd need to do a degree for social work as far as I understand, or a masters which I can't afford to stop work for.

Wow, did you go into IT not having any particular experience in it? Do you mind if I ask how you started?

Bless you..
some really good responses here

With the counselling qualification could you set up private practice? I have but I only have five regular clients atm but this supplements a poorly paid charity wellbeing role.

When I look at my charity role it upsets me to see that Housekeepers, Warehouse Operatives, etc get paid more £ per hour..in fact I am close to making a change as I quite like Housekeeping as I have done this work for 14 years (as a third job alongside the other work). Afterall, we go to work to earn money don’t we?

Thanks, it doesn't help that I find researching jobs very confusing (thanks ND brain!) - once I'm in a job I work hard and learn quickly but all the job terms and requirements seem so confusing, would I need business qualifications or just the ICT side?

I've thought about private practice but am not very confident running my own business, dc are old enough now though that I might be able to try to juggle a few clients to supplement income. Do you advertise online?

Another recommendation for council /civil service IT. Lack of money means those sectors are looking at chat bots / artificial intelligence / other ways to automate queries about services and entitlements. Problem is those systems need to be given the answers to respond. If you have experience and skills in both areas, you could find yourself in a very interesting job, process mapping out how to get to "I have no money" to "in your circumstances, you are entitled to X, apply here." Go for it!

That sounds amazing, would love that (I hate using the bots that have about 3 standard answers and none of them are ever what you want!). Again, I find finding jobs very confusing, do you know where I'd start looking for something like, is there specific training I'd need?

As an aside I find it absolutely ridiculous that you would need a Masters to be a social worker.

I advertise on Counselling Directory, and have membership with the BACP and ICO - approx £40 per month. Use a room in my own home 👍🏼

Job titles are business analyst, business process analyst. Customer service centre / IT service desk jobs for councils /dWP etc are an entry point as you'll be following those processes. Let them know you'd be interested in improving them too! There's always changes to rules and regs so they should be amended and updated frequently. Someone who knows the process inside out is so invaluable to the installation and testing of IT systems.

@Lifechangesneeded don't give up on the IT/Coding. Read this and really consider actual coding work - not just support desk stuff www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4104846-I-learnt-to-code-at-27-AMA

I'd be wary of anything tech related. You'll be competing against 20 year olds who have been coding since they were 9

That's what I always used to think, but there's not nearly so many of them as you might expect. My friend worked in a mid-tier government job where a large part of the role was software development and they were always struggling to recruit people who knew more than just the basic coding bootcamp stuff. The handful of real prodigies go off to join startups and make £££, but there's loads of 'normal' tech jobs where you'd be competing against people on a broadly similar level.

Ive had a mixed working life! But have worked on the service side and near IT projects doing things like user testing....my role now is a business relationship manager where i help IT and services plan and work together..
We are all slightly older/more life experienced as its mainly relationship /strategic role...mix of tech/non tech backgrounds..
....ive also done marketing and communications
Lots of IT people i have worked with are not fab at communicating so I do a sort of translation......also change management...the process stuff roles are Business Analysts, Service design is looking at user needs and processes ...I dont have the detail/focus for coding/programming but appreciate those that do....

There are some organisations around about women and tech...shecancode is one..

Get some job descriptions and look at what they need...remembering you have resilience, tenacity and a wider range of skills than many...

I would suggest complete your course first

Look at ITIL too

I have worked for some large companies & the employers have off shored their first line IT service desk function, change management & some other departments. I agree that some other repeatative tasks are being automated. However, the more complex IT departments & associated jobs have remained in the UK so far eg
Cyber security
Problem management
Incident management
Project management
Data analysis
Support for complex IT issues
Product support

Some of the above jobs are 24x7x365 & require shift work or on call

Suggest look at some job vacancies & look what requirements the employers are looking for. You don't necessarily need all the requirements to apply.

I also agree that some technical people are brilliant at their job, but sometimes poor communicators.

How you get experience in this field ?, perhaps take a job in a company that you want to work for & apply internally

Good luck