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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who do you reckon should/will get the lie in tomorrow?

58 replies

Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:03

Currently a Sahm, Dh works Mon-Fri-8.30-5, aside from today when he worked this morning.
We usually alternate doing Dds breakfast at the weekend, during the week, I do them all-6 per week get ups and all chores, food shops, cleaning, dinners, bills etc.
Today I cleaned up and took Dd to do the big food shop, came back unloaded and out it away (he was back by then) cooked dinner, changed bin bags, tidied etc etc.
He was tired, I was too. I had kidney stones (regular occurrence for me but not nice, yesterday, so more wiped out today. I took Dd to bed.
Who do you think should/will end up doing the get up with Dd and her breakfast etc in the morning?

OP posts:
Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:17

@FuoriComeUnBalcone She’s not school age yet, at home with me all day at present

OP posts:
silentpool · 10/09/2022 22:20

I agree with the others - whoever gets the lie in, lets the other one have an afternoon nap. Everyone needs a break.

Sh05 · 10/09/2022 22:22

I think your dh should do to tomorrow morning but I think he will expect you to.
Did he have to go in to work this morning as a one off or did he go to finish something off that could have waited till Monday?
You need to be careful with always being the morning person with dd, she'll come to expect only you which will be more difficult when you have to go into work. She'll refuse his presence in the morning then you'll be stuck doing it all the time.

Sh05 · 10/09/2022 22:23

And I know an afternoon nap makes things sound a little fairer but it's not always so easy to nap in the afternoon. You're wide awake, it's not guaranteed you'll get any rest

Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:29

@Sh05 Yes, I much prefer to stay in bed in the morning than later, I won’t be able to sleep later and will just lie down…is some peace, but Dd will probably come up 🙈
He had to go in, will be for the next few weeks, it’s no the norm though

OP posts:
Hobbitfeet32 · 10/09/2022 22:29

Not sure who should get the lie in but 7.30 wake up doesn’t seem that early? Whoever gets up should get a nap later on. Does your 3 year old not go to nursery?

Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:32

@Hobbitfeet32 Not yet, we’re abroad and you have to pay, free places are very scarce until 4/5 years old (pre school)
Her wake up isn’t that early, it’s just the being woken up and doing the breakfast, having the immediate talking, tv, wanting to play…sometimes just a couple of hours break from it is needed

OP posts:
Hobbitfeet32 · 10/09/2022 22:37

If I had worked 6 days in a row I would be wanting the lie in. Having said that we both work in our house and have done around 80hours between us in the last week plus cooking, laundry, cleaning and school pick ups etc. So we would probably agree that one gets up and the other has a sleep later, or one of us goes to bed earlier, or we’d bring the little one into bed for a cuddle until 8/8.30ish and then get up.

Sh05 · 10/09/2022 22:37

I still think he should do one morning, obviously he's working the others so he should do Sundays.
The thing with kids is they wake up and go from zero to 60 within seconds so for you it's instant chatter, reading a book, joining in with games and pleading with them to eat.
He gets to get up, have his breakfast in peace and trot off to work whilst you get all the wrangling.
( Can you tell I do all the mornings with dd? she's 3 tomorrow)

Tangled123 · 10/09/2022 22:39

I’m a morning person while my husband is a night owl. I do mornings and nursery drop offs while and he does bedtimes and nursery pick ups.
In this case, it’s difficult but a compromise could be reached. He gets a lie in tomorrow but you get two next weekend for example (or he has to get up earlier during the week to do it).

@Hobbitfeet32 I’d have thought 7:30 would be a normal enough time to wake up at. Early for a Sunday maybe, but a toddler in a routine of getting up at that time every other day won’t know the difference.

Theillustratedmummy · 10/09/2022 22:41

What time does your dd normally get up. You have said not too early but what time is it.

Hobbitfeet32 · 10/09/2022 22:42

@Tangled123 ha yes! 7.30 for us is a lie in
compared to the week. We are up 6.30am in the week.

Darbs76 · 10/09/2022 22:46

Your DH

Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:46

@Theillustratedmummy Around 7.30

OP posts:
Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:46

@Sh05 Totally!

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Hugasauras · 10/09/2022 22:47

Kidney stones are bloody awful, I would be taking all the lie ins after an episode!

HorribleHerstory · 10/09/2022 22:48

He does. Sorry you aren’t well OP and I’m not saying that being a sahm or running a house isn’t work, it is, I’ve done it and I know.

im just coming off a six day week of long hours myself and desperately trying to decompress enough to actually sleep, I probably won’t until the early hours as every day this week worrying about my work and the finances. I’ve been working trying to make more money so we can pay bills and keep the house going and the kids afloat. I’m keenly aware that if I overwork myself I could get sick and if I get sick then no one in the house is bringing money in. We can’t afford for that. DH is the sahd and runs the house and he is insistent I lie in tomorrow. That my perspective having also been the sahm and having swopped roles around

Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:49

@Hugasauras They are and I was up all
night vomitting (sorry tmi) so Friday with Dd on my own was v hard, Dh had to work obviously. But then today was even harder and now I just want to stop for a minute

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Hugasauras · 10/09/2022 22:50

Yes I've had them twice and they are the most pain I've ever been in, so I think you definitely deserve a rest!

mountainsunsets · 10/09/2022 22:51

I think you should get the lie-in as you've been unwell. There's no way my DH would expect me to get up early if I'd been unwell and he was home - and we don't even have DC, just a dog who needs a walk and cats who need feeding Grin

MissingNashville · 10/09/2022 22:51

One of you should have gone to bed very early this evening to be up to do breakfast tomorrow. As you’re both shattered, you’d have slept even if it was 7pm.

Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:51

@HorribleHerstory Yes, I see your point also, it is a lot of pressure and I feel guilty about it at times. But also when compared to my old life of working full time and sometimes weekend in a stressful job, this seems harder in a way 🙈Just in the way you actually get a second to yourself, I don’t really get that

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 10/09/2022 22:52

If he gets it this time then discuss it and you get the two over the bank holiday weekend.

(Though I'm secretly of the opinion after pregnancy and no sleep and then maternity leave and no sleep that they should be taking the vast majority of wake ups though not many people agree and I keep it quiet to myself).

Original poster
Joelinapinksuit · 10/09/2022 22:52

@Hugasauras I think because I get them fairly regularly and have to get on with it, now we have Dd, it might be forgotten a bit.

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Hobbitfeet32 · 10/09/2022 22:53

If you’re really ill and have been up vomiting then you should get the lie in. My DH would insist as well in this situation regardless of how much he had worked. Hope you feel better soon

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