Friend being inappropriate with another friends wife

[Tearsofgravy]

Hello Mumsnet. I have a dilemma and my wife suggested posting on here.

A very old friend has a pretty shitty marriage where both parties have treated eachother poorly over many years. Most recently my friend met the wife of another good friend of mine and it seems they hit it off. They have been exchanging slightly raunchy messages that to my mind are not appropriate. I am given to understand that nothing physical has happened between them. Just messages, no actual sexting or nude photos that I know of.

I have told my friend to pack it in and he seems to have stopped. The question is, do I just forget about it now or should I tell my other friend who's wife is also acting inappropriately?

YABU = just forget about it

YANBU = tell friend what his wife has been up to.

Don't get involved. It won't end well. Yes it's wrong, and of course you are concerned but as a general life rule I don't take paracetamol for other people's headaches.

Oh you can’t get involved here. Get a grip.

Of course you can get involved OP. If it was my good friend, I would definitely tell him (gently). Even if it was just flirty texts, that's not really ok is it? He deserves to know the truth about his wife's behaviour, so that he can make an informed decision about her.
Not to mention, the other friend may have told you he stopped only to appease you.
Think of it reverse, if the same good friend of yours knew your wife was flirting with another man, would you like/expect him to let you know?

obviously don’t get involved

Quite often in situations like this it’s a “shoot the messenger” outcome. Unless you’re willing to risk losing the friendship of both these couples if stay well out of it. The cheating spouses shouldn’t have involved you, but you made your views clear and as far as you’re concerned it has all stopped now, so you’ve done your bit.

I’d probably distance myself from the cheating halves of these couples, but if you value the other partners as friends then it won’t help you to say anything now. Their spouses will deny it and possibly blame you for stirring the pot, saying you’re the one in the wrong in some way to cover their arses.

Nope do not get involved!

Everyone whose saying "dont get involved "🤐🤣🤣🤣

Of course you get involved
Imagine if everyone you knew your partner was cheating.. but no one told you. Youd feel angry and shitty

I wouldn’t say anything at the moment.

the offence in question is not enough for your friend to leave his wife over, so all telling him will do is create tension and cause them to have a fight. They will make up and then both resent you.

IF you had discovered hard evidence of an actual physical affair, then you should says something as this is something that might make your friend want a divorce. But not before.

I never understand the 'it won't end well' stance, it's not going to end well either way

@Angelinflipflops It won't end well by getting involved. It's a given that it won't end well but that doesn't mean you therefore have to involve yourself in the inevitable fall out.

Thank you all the advice. I think this post sums it up best for me. So I don't think I will do anything.

I would never get involved in other people’s relationships, no matter what. Even if there’s a proof for affair happening, i souls r get involved. And no, I don’t want to be informed either by anyone if my DH is cheating (in theory). It’s my life and I don’t want anyone to be involved, even with “best” of intentions. Unless there’s a danger to other person’s life, I don’t see how it’s remotely acceptable to get involved.