Best friends friendship with my ex

[Secndguess]

NC for this as friend I’ve spoken to about this is expecting and possibly on MN

I have an ex boyfriend from a split earlier this year. Last year I got back in touch with an old friend (female) who brought me into her current friendship group. I socialised with them often and fast forward to now me and a male from the group are very good friend. Nothing more than friendship and never any boundaries crossed ever. We would most likely class eachother as our ‘closest/best friend’.

towards the end of my relationship I brought my ex out with us a few times and my friends were friendly enough to him. But after we broke up, my ex asked this male friend to go for a drink. I told my friend I was uncomfortable with this. The drink ended up happening and since then they have been increasingly building a friendship and now have travel plans for next year.

AIBU I’m feeling a little hurt by my friend for choosing to pursue a friendship with my ex? I have repeatedly communicated it makes me uncomfortable as I don’t want to hear about ex or him hear about me (recent issue with friend telling ex my business).

If they were good friends before the split it would be different but this has all happened after the break up.

They are all very new friendships.

you wouldn’t be unreasoned to say that you don’t want to talk about your ex but you would be unreasonable to tell a friend he can’t speak to him

Hm, I suppose I find it strange that a close friend wouldn’t have loyalties not to strike up a friendship with my ex partner

You struck up a friendship last year. If you two became close friends that quickly, then it’s quite possible that he also quickly became close friends with your ex.

If you've expressed discomfort over him telling you about your ex or telling your ex things about you, but he still does it he's not really your friend.

I don't think you're BU to feel uncomfortable with their friendship but you can't stop another adult from doing anything. Obviously you already know that.

All you can do is decide if it's something that makes you too uncomfortable to continue the friendship or not.

It would be a no from me because of the carrying tales when I had asked him not to.

You can't tell someone who they can be friends with.

What strikes me is how superficial your view of friendship sounds. You only met this new ‘best friend’ as part of someone else’s circle last year, and suddenly he’s your closest friend? He’s not been your friend much longer than he’s been your ex-boyfriend’s friend by the sound of it — isn’t it perfectly possible he views both friendships as equally important?

As others have said, you can’t control others’ actions — you can only choose how you respond to them. In your situation, if the new closeness between your friend and your ex is really intolerable to you, your only choice is to step back from the friendship and concentrate your social life in other circles.

Unless there's something that you haven't mentioned, like abuse or stalking, I don't think that you can ask her not to be friends with him. However, I think you have the right to ask her not to talk about him to you, or about you to him.

Ah, I now see that this is the male friend, not the female friend. In this case, since they're unlikely to have a 'relationship', I think you have even less right to demand that he not be his friend. Sorry. But you do still have the right to ask him not to discuss either of you with the other.