Skipping MIL birthday?

[Janedoe95]

Firstly I do like my MIL

but DS has skipped manyyy of my family events and now expects me to go to her birthday dinner.

am I being petty to say no? Most of the time he doesn’t want to go to see my family just because he can’t be bothered and wants to chill, he also likes my family.

i too would rather not go to this birthday dinner I’d rather be at home having a takeaway.

I should add that we have a baby so when he doesn’t want to go I can easily take our baby with me

but for him to go without me he’d have to take our DS as MIL would want to see him but DS would be miserable without me and as he’s only breastfed (he refuses bottles) as soon as he’s hungry he’ll be even more upset

Personally I think you're being bloody selfish! If you like your MIL then put in some effort, after all, her birthday only comes once a year.

Your issue is with your DH not your MIL

The issue is your DH and I think it would be unfair to take it out on your MIL especially because you two get on. I personally would go especially so that DS can go as well if he's breastfed.

Is it a big hassle to go? If you like your MIL I'd do it for her, rather than him.
If you don't go - he will use this as an excuse to go to even less of your family things.
I'd go and then insist he goes to yours in turn and tell him upfront that you won't take no for an answer.

Petty and selfish. Why should a granny miss out on having her grandson at her birthday just because you are playing tit for tat over your lazy husband. Sort out what you want with him rather than taking it out on her.

So you punish your MIL, whom you like, because your DH doesn’t spend time with your side of the family?

YABU

Get an agreement out of him to go to the next event on your side.

'I will come if you are coming to x event on y date. Good, let's write it in the diary now shall we?'

But yes if you like your MIL and she makes the effort and is kind to you, you should go. She is not your DH, and has done nothing wrong.

Sure she'd love to see the baby.

I think you should go.

She sounds nicer than your lazy arsed husband.

OMG, I have a son and reading some of these DIL threads on here is terrifying me.

OP, if you did this, you would be acting like an absolute lunatic.

Talk to your husband and say you'd like him to make more of an effort to visit with your family more. Don't do some mad tit for tat behaviour when the MIL isn't even the problem.

Forget your DH. You like your MiL so if he wasn't a factor would you want to go to her birthday dinner? If yes, then go to spend time with someone you like.

Deal with the issues between DH/your family separately.

Why wouldn’t you go when you get on with her? Don’t get into this tit for tat ‘he won’t go to my families dinners etc’. I’m sure your MIL would appreciate you making the effort

I never understand why adults expect their own adult children to spend birthdays with them - seems bizarre and, frankly, narcissistic. Birthday celebrations are for young children, not grown ups. So, on that basis, YANBU.

YABU.

DH needs to start making a lot more effort with your family, but refusing to go to MIL's birthday dinner will unfortunately only reflect on you as your absence will be noted.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your MIL, it's not worth jeopardising that by playing tit for tat with DH.

sounds pretty petty.

Time is precious - I think you should spend it how you want

But be prepared for her to not make any effort for you in future