In my 40’s but really shy and awkward like I’m still a teenager

[Anony12341]

Please can I have some advice on how to stop being shy and awkward. My child has started a new school and I want to make changes.

They are still young so I am heavily responsible for their social activities. In previous school people would approach me but then as I got shy and awkward they would back away and my child had very little social interactions. I really want to change. I feel I’m not living my life.

The new school seem really friendly and have already organised class play dates and mums social events. I’m really awkward and shy and I don’t know how to change. Had counselling in the past but I’m the same. I think I tend to come across as very vulnerable and lost, especially now that I’m the new parent. How can I be confident and self assured?

Just listening to this podcast:
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos/id1474245040?i=1000577693439

some useful advice which might help to make you more confident and self assured.

It really is true that the more you do something like this, the easier it becomes.

Next time you're at the school, take a good look around. Is there another mum or dad standing off on their own a bit? What's the worst that can happen? In my experience, most people are socially aware enough to be able to chat for a couple of minutes about the weather, the kids, the school, the teachers, the local area. If you don't click with that person particularly, try someone else tomorrow.

Can so relate to this thread. Am a bit younger but still terribly shy. All my family are. I hate it as it makes me come across as odd or a lot younger than I actually am.
I just never know what to say to people and am terrible at small talk. I hate that I make people feel awkward and that people only see the shyness and not who I really am. What doesn't help is that people in the past have said my voice is odd or unusual which then makes me feel even more insecure and shy. 😔

Unfortunately sometimes you have to put yourself out there and do that hard thing (talking to people) and it eventually becomes easier. I used to be quite shy (and still am, really), but have got better at chatting to people over the years.
Volunteering helped, because you're usually 'doing something' with other people (gardening, in a shop / foodbank, sorting something etc), which is the main focus, but you can still chat a bit and the environment is less pressured than if you were chatting at a school gate or in a cafe.
I also find that asking people things about themselves is a good way forward. I'm not mad big on small talk like that, but it does work, and (most) people like talking about themselves (!) so it usually works. Doesn't have to be deep and meaningful stuff... just 'chat' - do you live locally, how long have you lived here, how are your kids settling into school, do you work, do you enjoy it? etc etc...
I find people fascinating (in spite of being quite shy) so am always interested to find out about them and what they get up to, which helps with chatting to people.