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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think partner was wrong to wake me up for being noisy

45 replies

Sleepypiggy · 10/09/2022 04:33

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and struggling with all the things that come in these last weeks. I get nauseous in the evenings and breathing is getting increasingly difficult. Anyway DP has just elbowed me awake for ‘breathing loudly’. This happened once before and he left quietly and took up on the sofa. AIBU to think he should have done this again tonight? I gave him earplugs last time this happened. He could have put them in and got himself back to sleep. Now I’m laid on the sofa feeling massive and annoyed knowing I will struggle to get back off, if at all. Surely I’m justified to feel this pissed off?

OP posts:

nachoavocado · 10/09/2022 07:35

shivawn · 10/09/2022 07:34

Same! My husband and I will both nudge each other if one of us is being noisy and then we just roll over and sleep the other way.

Show quote history

Yes exactly this

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 10/09/2022 07:35

I hope he is ashamed of himself this morning.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 10/09/2022 07:38

bloomety · 10/09/2022 07:10

But did he not just wake you up so you’d stop snoring? I do that to my DH all the time. I don’t expect him to go sleep somewhere else when I wake him up, just move to another position so he’ll stop snoring.

There is no other position to sleep when you're pregnant. You've written this reply with no consideration of her pregnancy. Third trimester insomnia drove me insane.

GiantTortoise · 10/09/2022 07:38

That's shocking! He should have gone to sleep on the sofa and left you in bed. I'd be really cross about this.

autienotnaughty · 10/09/2022 07:51

What a mean thing to do I'd be furious

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 10/09/2022 07:52

As you're 36 weeks pregnant, he's the one who should be on the sofa. I'm otherwise generally of the belief that the snorer/person making the noise is the person who should move, but not for pregnancy, when ill, post op etc. Might also be worth him investing in an airbed as you could have another 6 weeks of this to go and it's probably more comfortable than the settee.

BendingSpoons · 10/09/2022 08:02

Did he know it would wake you up? I am a light sleeper, even with earplugs in. I regularly prod DH if he is breathing deeply. He hardly wakes and rolls over and carries on sleeping. I appreciate that is much harder when you are heavily pregnant though.

pictish · 10/09/2022 08:04

He probably assumed you’d shift position and go back to sleep. I’m not sure he’s a bastard, no.

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 10/09/2022 08:16

You'd think he would know that at 36 weeks pregnant, there's not much shifting of position to be done though.

UsernameIsDeadToMe · 10/09/2022 08:23

Why do people jump to the conclusion that he forced her on to the sofa? It doesn’t say that.

Mossygreenchypre · 10/09/2022 08:28

He should have got up and slept on the sofa.
Hope you've managed to get some rest.
Hope he can change his attitude and start showing you some care and respect.

Lockheart · 10/09/2022 08:29

Ease up.

The OP didn't say anywhere that he made her sleep on the sofa or kicked her out of bed.

OP also said that he's gone to the sofa before with no fuss.

It sounds like poor communication, not surprising at 4.30 in the morning when everyone is tired, half-asleep, and grumpy.

Talk to him this morning OP, it might be worth trying to arrange separate sleeping arrangements for the time being.

pictish · 10/09/2022 08:29

UsernameIsDeadToMe · 10/09/2022 08:23

Why do people jump to the conclusion that he forced her on to the sofa? It doesn’t say that.

Because this is Mumsnet. ‘Forced to sleep on the sofa’ is a more interesting, melodramatic angle that paints the dh in a worse light.

Rosebel · 10/09/2022 08:52

If he kicked you out of bed then that's disgusting. If he just woke you up then I'm not sure why you didn't stay in bed.
He shouldn't have woken you up at all but the first senerio is worse. My husband snores a lot and if he's working the next day and I'm not I will sleep on the sofa. If we're both working then he gets the sofa.
At 36 weeks though you should get the bed regardless.
I think you need to talk to him. Tell him he needs to use earplugs or sleep on the sofa. Make sure he knows how uncomfortable you are. If it's your first baby he possibly doesn't realise just how squashed your lungs feel or how hard it is to sleep.

glamourousindierockandroll · 10/09/2022 09:15

Very selfish behaviour. I struggled sleeping with my husband in the late stages of pregnancy, and trying not to disturb him made it even worse. Thankfully at the time we still had a spare double bedroom that I took up residence in but had we not had that luxury, I've no doubt that my husband would have moved to the sofa for me.

Original poster

Sleepypiggy · 10/09/2022 09:27

You’re right. I it wasn’t malicious on his part at all. He’s also been working a lot recently and is understandably tired. Contextually I’d already been having a pretty rough nights sleep and being elbowed awake was not the compassion I needed from him in that situation! He’s already apologised this morning and I’ve explained how it made me feel. We’ll discuss preferred reactions to the situation so we can both get a restful nights sleep. It was very useful to vent on here when on the sofa stewing at 4am. Did take me 2 hours to drop back off too 😩

OP posts:

Original poster

Sleepypiggy · 10/09/2022 09:30

pictish · 10/09/2022 08:04

He probably assumed you’d shift position and go back to sleep. I’m not sure he’s a bastard, no.

I understand that usually, poking your snoring partner to get them to move position is pretty standard. However, when heavily pregnant,
rolling over in bed can feel akin to doing a 10 point turn in a truck. My lungs don’t stop being squashed up in any position unfortunately. You’re right though, he’s not a bastard. Just a tired man who could have handled it more gently than he did.

OP posts:

Octomore · 10/09/2022 09:32

OldTinHat · 10/09/2022 05:54

I remember this exact situation! Trying to doze on the settee at 4am because I'd been kicked out of bed for being noisy and massively pregnant.

Almost 24yrs later, I'm star fishing, listening to an audio book, scrolling through MN in my own bed..because I divorced the dickhead when that pregnant bump turned 5yo!

Good for you!

OP - no decent man would do this to his heavily pregnant wife.

Octomore · 10/09/2022 09:34

UsernameIsDeadToMe · 10/09/2022 08:23

Why do people jump to the conclusion that he forced her on to the sofa? It doesn’t say that.

If your heavily pregnant partner gets out of bed to go to the sofa because you've woken them up, the correct response is "don't be silly, I'll go instead,"

She's 36 weeks pregnant!

Agrudge · 10/09/2022 09:35

No one made you sleep on the sofa.

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