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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m the only person who’s house is a mess

27 replies

Holygrails · 09/09/2022 23:22

So I have 2 young kids, 5 and 2 and feel like I can’t move for bloody toys, we have 6 IKEA drawers full of them in the TV stand and they still cover my lounge (we don’t have a play room and kids won’t play upstairs) I wish I was a tidier person. It is clean etc but I really struggle with clutter! We are also desperate for a new kitchen! It has needed replacing since we moved in a year ago but struggling to find the spare money although we do earn really well.

OP posts:
Peepeepeep · 09/09/2022 23:24

I think most people with young DC struggle with this OP don't beat yourself up.

I made a pact with myself that every 6 months or so I'd be going through every toy draw / box and anything they haven't glanced at during that time would be going to the charity shop. It just about stops it getting ridiculous!

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2022 23:24

Get the kids in bed and get rid of three quarters of their toys. Keep the nice/special ones. They will not miss the rest. You need to be brutal and get a handle on the clutter.

XenoBitch · 09/09/2022 23:26

I live alone, so no excuses here. My house is a shit hole.

Original poster
Holygrails · 09/09/2022 23:28

I’m actually embarrassed to invite friends round because they seem to have it sorted. I think if anything it is more the kitchen it is so dated, I really, really want a new one. I don’t like cleaning it because no matter what I do I can’t make it look nice.

OP posts:
LadyCluck · 09/09/2022 23:39

Waves hello from her messy house! 😁

I try my best but with two young children, work and a man-child of a husband who is a messy git and a bit of a hoarder, I’m up against it. I try to do as much as I can each day.
I’m thinking of quietly booking a few days off work and ruthlessly decluttering and scrubbing whilst DH is at work and kids are at school / nursery.

declutteringmymind · 09/09/2022 23:43

It does feel like this yes.

Most people are shoving stuff in cupboards and behind the sofa when you knock on their
door I reckon OP.

just suggest going out if you can.

10speckledfrogs · 09/09/2022 23:53

I used to feel like this. Everyone else seems like they have it together and here's my family drowning in toys and hoovering three times a day to keep on top of pet hair and all of the dirt and grass a country living family bring in 🤣

But me and my partner have been looking at pictures of us as kids and the background always looked cluttered and the floor always had toys and the counters always had a few dishes waiting to be washed. Or there was laundry on the airer and paperwork on the counter and muddy boots in the hallway. Our parents houses are bloody spotless now we have all left.

My partner has a job that means he sees glimpses of the inside of other houses too, and that made him realise we were normal, when I say I'm a bit ashamed of my lack of housekeeping abilities he always says, "trust me every house I see with kids is the same, and none of us who have occasion to see it are judging anyone's housekeeping" that makes me feel much better and I get a bit more confident about letting the electric man in to read the meter

Kite22 · 09/09/2022 23:54

Of course you aren't the only person with a messy house.

Antarcticant · 09/09/2022 23:55

Mine usually is and I don't even have the excuse of children!

Adversity · 10/09/2022 00:29

I have been in houses with all sorts of levels of mess. I have only ever been in one house that was dire, really bad and I didn’t ever accept the few invites I had to have dinner there.

Somegirlsarebiggerthanother · 10/09/2022 00:31

I’ve found that almost all the people I know who are working parents have messy houses!

ive got a beautiful clean and tidy living room today. But the rest of the house is a riot.

Somegirlsarebiggerthanother · 10/09/2022 00:32

And my kitchen is super dated (from the 80s or 90s). I still invite everyone over. If they’re judging my kitchen then they shouldn’t be in my home

OzonoffS · 10/09/2022 00:33

Most people whose children are that age feel like you, or have lots and lots of help. Don't worry.

Ddot · 29/12/2022 07:38

Been poorly so my house is a total mess, hoarding stuff,every cupboard is full to. Medical supplies have taken over my spare room and kitchen. I haven't the energy left in me, to sort after work.

BCBird · 29/12/2022 07:44

I.live alone. my house is extremely cluttered. I was talking to.my mate satung when.i move i will have to get rid of loads of stuff. She can't wait to help😫🤣I.slways been the same. Goodness knows what I would have been like if I'd had kids. 🤣can't u get kids to.tidy,make it a fun game? Have a reward chart? Put a favourite song on and see what they can do for the duration of the song.

Fukuraptor · 29/12/2022 07:48

You are in the thick of it with toys at that age, as they get older their toys get less bulky and eventually into electronics and less toys altogether.

I've struggled a fair bit as I just didn't have any good systems for getting stuff out of the house, which is a problem when it keeps coming in. Decluttering is definitely the way to make it more manageable.

Minimal Mom on YouTube is good for inspiration, mindset shifting and tactics if you want to declutter more.

But we also just have unrealistic TV/magazine/friends who have tidied up for us coming round ideas about how "everyone" else lives.

pigsducksandchickens · 29/12/2022 07:51

One thing I always wonder is when people say 'my house clean but messy' (and I've had a lot of people say it) is how do you clean somewhere without tidying it? Basically if you have a horrendously untidy house it can't be clean! No judgment here, I couldn't care less what your house is like, but why do people say it?

silentpool · 29/12/2022 07:52

It's just me living here with a cat (working full time) and most days, it looks like it's been robbed. I just try to declutter as much as possible and let the robot vacuum do God's work.

OopsTooMuch · 29/12/2022 07:56

pigsducksandchickens · 29/12/2022 07:51

One thing I always wonder is when people say 'my house clean but messy' (and I've had a lot of people say it) is how do you clean somewhere without tidying it? Basically if you have a horrendously untidy house it can't be clean! No judgment here, I couldn't care less what your house is like, but why do people say it?

When I say it I mean it was tidy for about 2 minutes when I cleaned now it isn’t.

Also that cleaning requires moving stuff (bigger toys on floor that don’t fit in toy boxes/appliances on worktops) so that even when it’s clean it still looks a cluttered mess

Squamata · 29/12/2022 08:00

Another massively messy house here. Kids 6 and 3 but really we weren't much better before them.

The only solution is getting rid, having good storage, staying on top of it. If you can't do that then its accepting this is how it is for now.

What's wrong with the kitchen? Can you get those veneer things you use to resurface old cupboards?

FruitToast · 29/12/2022 08:10

pigsducksandchickens · 29/12/2022 07:51

One thing I always wonder is when people say 'my house clean but messy' (and I've had a lot of people say it) is how do you clean somewhere without tidying it? Basically if you have a horrendously untidy house it can't be clean! No judgment here, I couldn't care less what your house is like, but why do people say it?

Because I get one room all tidy and clean, potter off to start on the next room and the DC notice the clear space and immediately move into it. So I'll be pleased with my tidy, clean lounge. Go to clean the bathrooms and come back and they've emptied what seems like 100 felt tip pens and some colouring books on the floor, will have raided the printer for paper (they have their own cheaper stuff but apparently it's not good enough) and be sat drawing at the coffee table. I make them tidy it and point out the table in the play room or the tables in their rooms, wander off to get a load for the washing machine and come back to find DH has decided he's fixing something in the lounge and scatters tools everywhere. At this point I give up on tidy but it was cleaned 15 minutes earlier!

yoyo1234 · 29/12/2022 08:10

If the kitchen is getting you down can you book in getting it done in the new year sales? That might make you feel better and want to keep that part tidy. Have you thought of the children sharing a room (if they want to) then have one room as a playroom. When kitting out a play room have you thought of a wall of kitchen units? They are brilliant for storage (base units 60cm) place wall units on top as bookcases ; leave a space on top for eg a TV as well.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 29/12/2022 08:20

You only have two drawers of toys?

That is a miracle in itself

IHeartGeneHunt · 29/12/2022 08:20

Mine looks like it was abandoned at the start of the apocalypse. Christmas has not helped.

I work, have a 4 year old and no family to help, no idea where her father is because he left before she was born so no help there. We live in a very small one bed council flat.
However it is clean, because I move things and tidy to clean and deep clean the kitchen once a week. It just gets messed up again after.

DoubleHelix79 · 29/12/2022 08:25

God yes. Two DC and it's a constant battle to keep the clutter at bay. We aim for an acceptable level of messiness and don't stress too much about it. Visitors know we have children and will have to live with it.