39 weeks pregnant, my mum supposed to be 'on call' for me, is going away for couple of days!!!

11 replies

LadySanders · 23/01/2008 11:59

am not cross, just bit baffled. have ds1 age 6, am 39 weeks preg, parents live 10 mins away and have previously arranged that when i go into labour i will call them so that if necessary they can collect ds1 from school and take him back to theirs, or come and stay the night at mine if my home vbac goes ahead, or take ds1 to theirs if i have to go to hospital, or basically do whatever is necessary. so mum calls today and breezily mentions they're having a mini break away for a day or two from tomorrow and do i think i might be going into labour anytime soon? well, given that i'm 39 weeks preg, yes its not unlikely. they'll only be about 4 hours drive away so i suppose it doesn't really matter, unless its an emergency, but i just feel a bit peeved and confused???

OP posts:

Haylstones · 23/01/2008 12:03

I can sympathise but as you say they#ll only be 4 hours away at most. Do you have other back up options? I'm 35 weeks and dh spends a couple of nights away most weeks (4 hours away) and it's unlikely he'll be able to stop by due date... I have a list of friends who can take dd at short notice and will take a taxi if I have to.
Don't stress, just go with the flow~!

Original poster

LadySanders · 23/01/2008 12:05

yes have asked local friend to help if needed, so it will be fine... i just find it bizarre that having said she'll keep these couple of weeks free for me if i need her, that she would then decide to go away right smack bang when i'm due...

OP posts:

posieflump · 23/01/2008 12:07

agree it does seem a bit odd but maybe sh is envisaging helping you loads in the next few weeks when the baby is born so wanted a break now?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 23/01/2008 12:08

I was thinking the same. It would have been better if she had gone away a couple of weeks ago but maybe they are thinking it is thier last chance for a while.

Maybe she is worried about helping with your other child when it happens and doesn't feel up to it?

choolie · 23/01/2008 12:09

don't think you're being unreasonable at all! would feel exactly the same, esp. as few of my friend's have had such a quick 2nd delivery (oh and totally painless too I'm sure ).

At least you have a back up plan, but how does your mum feel about the fact that she might miss the first couple of days with her new grandchild?

love2sleep · 23/01/2008 12:13

Hi,
I had this exact sitation when ds2 was born. I spoke to my mum about it and made it clear how much stress it was taking away from me to know that ds1 would be with her. I said that even if I didn't go into labour I really needed to know that she was around in those last few weeks. She was clearly touched by what I had said and changed her plans. Everyone was happy - she felt valued and I felt that things were all under control.

Good job too as ds2 arrived early

peach123 · 23/01/2008 12:15

im due on april 19th and my mum (who is my backup for my dd and ds) is going away for the 2 weeks before my date and is back on the 19th. she is going abroad as well so no chance of getting back fast. her reasoning is that i was late with the other 2 so it will be fine. i have a feeling im going to be early with this one. i feel really put out about it although maybe i am being selfish, but i know where you are coming from. peach123

onebatmother · 23/01/2008 12:25

I had this same problem with um..friend who was supposed to be looking after ds1.

It was sooo upsetting and made me incredibly anxious. Only found out when it was too late, really, to settle DS with another friend. In the end DD came early, so wasn't an issue, but would never rely on her again, and to be honest still feel v angry about it.

and [cross] for you.

duchesse · 23/01/2008 12:27

Ahaha (hollow laugh)

When my third child was born (the older two were 2 and barely 4), my husband was inadvertently booked to go away to Canada on a conference for a few days about two weeks after the birth was due. I therefore asked my sister and my mother to come and cover for him while he was away. To cut a long story short, I ended up catering for them both, while they went out and got jobs, returning only to be fed in the evenings (by me); my sister told me I'd better employ someone to help with the children as she was now unavailable.

My daughter was 13 days overdue, my husband got up on the morning he was due to fly and cancelled his flight, I told my sister to f**k off, and went into labour that afternoon. She was born at 11:30pm that evening after a 4 hour labour.

That kind of stress you do not need at 9.5 months of pregnancy. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

bozza · 23/01/2008 13:45

I would definitely feel the need to have a friend for back up. Four hours can be quite a long time in a second labour - although I suppose depending on whether or not you laboured first time would make a difference (ie whether you had a planned section or emergency one after being in labour IYSWIM).

sdr · 23/01/2008 14:20

Agree with bozza - 4 hours and it could all be over with your second. If your mum is like mine she is not selfish, but sometimes doesn't think things through that well. However with DC3, my FIL forbade my MIL to stay more than night with us when I was overdue as he was feeling neglected. The two grandmas were taking turns with as, because early labour was on/off for 4 days and midwife expected a very quick labour once got fully going. Just our luck, when did start properly, no Grandma around and stuck in rush-hour traffic. Reckon baby heard my DH swearing and decided to slow things down a bit till got to hospital, where SIL was waiting to take other two.

Flip