Husband says I complain a lot

[Whinegumz]

He’s right. I sense it with friends and colleagues too. I can tell I’m a negative Nancy…

how do I stop this? I hate it about myself but just ends up happening before I am aware of the spiral into another negative conversation.

any tips would be gratefully received!?

My ex-husband said the same about me. Looking back it was true and I now realise it was a reflection of how my mental wellbeing had spiralled.

Not long afterwards I left him. Unconsciously my entire mindset shifted and I'm not at all negative anymore. In fact quite the opposite - I'm very positive!

Pause. Stop. Choose what you want to say next.

I look for the "at least..." e.g. it's pouring with rain but at least the garden is getting watered after the dry spell

Definitely learnt behaviour. My mum complains and sees the negative in everything. Nothing is ever enough for her. I really want to break the cycle and not bring my children up in that sort of environment.

There is a little card you get in AA meetings called 'Just For Today' which is supposed to be a little blueprint of how to conduct yourself.

There is a line in it that says 'Just for today I will criticize not one bit. I will not find fault with anything, and not try and improve or regulate anyone but myself'.

When I read it I had the horrible realization that virtually every single thing that came out of my mouth was a criticism in some way or another.

I resolved not to be like this any more but I was basically silent for a good few months until I found I could say things more positively.