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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ‘interview’ my lovely grandma for memories

50 replies

chatterbug22 · 09/09/2022 20:17

I’m not sure if it’s quite an offensive thing to do and if she’ll wonder why I’m doing it.

Bless her soul, she is 90 now and although she is a tough cookie everything with the queen has got me thinking about how cherished ones don’t last forever. She has a very large family and crystal clear memory, she can remember exceptionally detailed memories about all her many children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren and her own neighbours and what they did for a living when she was only a tiny child herself. She is very sharp and no signs of forgetfulness thankfully.

I’d just love to ask her lots of questions about her life growing up and write down her answers and experiences in a lovely book or something, like a keepsake for the wider family. Is this patronising though?

OP posts:
Sandysandwich · 09/09/2022 20:38

I have a recording of my gran talking about the war and the annoying girl who was evacuated to her families farm. It was for a school project in year four and now she is gone its lovely to hear it and hear her voice as well as her perspective on the war as a child.

JackandVera · 09/09/2022 20:38

I was involved in a project where we did this but with strangers so not all aspects of the following will apply to you. Have a look at www.ohs.org.uk/for-beginners/

sjpkgp1 · 09/09/2022 20:41

I did this with my great aunt 38 years ago as I wanted to trace my family (research was reasonably forensic rather than memories as such), and much later I found the notes and it was of huge help doing my family tree. We also had a grand old time doing it and ended up her teaching me songs from the war. Aged 16 I spent much more time with another great aunt (who I called my aunty) but didn't do it, but wish I had. We'd talk a lot though, and sometimes she would be sad about the old times if I asked as things were hard for her but if my young questions were too inquisitive she would tell me that I didn't need to know or worry about those times. She passed away over 30 years ago, but I still remember her face and everything about her flat.

BlackForestCake · 09/09/2022 21:03

All most of us have of ancestors who died before we were born, if we have anything at all, is a few blurry black and white images or if we're really lucky a diary or some letters.

Imagine if you had full-colour high-resolution video of your great-great-grandparents when they were young. Wouldn't that be fascinating?

Almost every one of us now has a phone in our pocket that could give that opportunity to your descendants two or three generations down the line.

dreamersdown · 09/09/2022 21:04

I did this but in the form of interviewing her like she was on Desert Island Discs! She chose 7 songs from throughout her life which were special to her for different reasons, and it sparked a far richer and more interesting conversation than I think we would have had if I was just asking her questions - we had great chats about her falling in love with grandad, about her difficulty getting pregnant, about her faith.

It also means I have a list of brilliant songs I can listen to to feel closer than her now she’s no longer here. I was able to give everyone in the family a copy of it after her funeral. So, so glad we did it!

33goingon64 · 09/09/2022 21:08

OMG do it. I tried this with my Mum when terminally ill and she got quite confused. Wished I'd done it earlier when she was clear headed.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 09/09/2022 21:12

School gave a homework certificate for the helpers.
7 months later it is still on their mantlepiece!

NoraLuka · 09/09/2022 21:12

Definitely do it if she agrees!

My grandma used to love telling stories so I heard lots of them, I wish I'd written them all down while I still remembered everything.

She used to tell me about her dad's horse in WWI and how he looked after it until it was killed by a piece of shrapnel and how upset her dad was when he found it. She even knew the horse's name but I've forgotten :(

CherrySocks · 09/09/2022 21:43

Yes definitely do this. Needn't be just one long interview. Could be a series of different chats - one where you record her telling stories - about her childhood, the war, her jobs, significant events, another where you go through old photo albums and she tells you who the people are and what she remembers about them and you make notes. You could do one where you draw the family tree and she helps you add names. Has she done her DNA? This will be useful if you go further into family history.

BooksAndHooks · 09/09/2022 21:45

The best thing I ever did was start interviewing relatives from a young age. There is a book you can get with prompts for the sort of questions to ask. I have recorded many lovely stories that I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t asked about specifically.

NoFitStateMum · 09/09/2022 21:51

dreamersdown · 09/09/2022 21:04

I did this but in the form of interviewing her like she was on Desert Island Discs! She chose 7 songs from throughout her life which were special to her for different reasons, and it sparked a far richer and more interesting conversation than I think we would have had if I was just asking her questions - we had great chats about her falling in love with grandad, about her difficulty getting pregnant, about her faith.

It also means I have a list of brilliant songs I can listen to to feel closer than her now she’s no longer here. I was able to give everyone in the family a copy of it after her funeral. So, so glad we did it!

Love this idea!

MissCalamity · 09/09/2022 21:56

Oh yes you must do this!
My Nanna, my last grandparent died when I was 17, she used to tell us lots of tales about her younger days & WW2 at the time but I can only remember brief snatches of stories ☹️
Would have been amazing to have things written down, voice/video recordings.

alseb · 09/09/2022 21:57

About 1977 I interviewed my great grandmother for a school project. It was so interesting. I used to talk so much with my nanna about her life and with my grandad about the war. I so wish I had recorded them when they were alive

mrsfeatherbottom · 09/09/2022 22:00

A brilliant idea. During the first lockdown, my mum typed up stories from her life for my kids - one a week. It gave her something to do and I will keep them safe for the kids when they are older.

Schnoozer · 09/09/2022 22:05

I did it! It's wonderful. Keeps her alive in a way. Stories of wartime, working in a secret optics factory, stories of coming home from the cinema to find half the street had been bombed. A glimpse of life under such different times! Do it!!

2pinkginsplease · 09/09/2022 22:09

Definitely do this, we wish we had done it.

we could piece together bits and pieces after my gran died but there are big gaps that we knew nothing about her which is such a shame as she had an amazing life full of great happiness and sadness too.

ColeensBoot · 09/09/2022 22:11

Absolutely do it! Just record you both talking. What a lovely thing to do.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/09/2022 22:34

@OwlBarn I had to do the same. Lost the recordings years ago. But I remember all of what she talked about.

RobertsRadio · 10/09/2022 09:39

dreamersdown · 09/09/2022 21:04

I did this but in the form of interviewing her like she was on Desert Island Discs! She chose 7 songs from throughout her life which were special to her for different reasons, and it sparked a far richer and more interesting conversation than I think we would have had if I was just asking her questions - we had great chats about her falling in love with grandad, about her difficulty getting pregnant, about her faith.

It also means I have a list of brilliant songs I can listen to to feel closer than her now she’s no longer here. I was able to give everyone in the family a copy of it after her funeral. So, so glad we did it!

What a brilliant idea.

worriedniece · 10/09/2022 10:53

I did a little a really wish I had done more

Doorhandleghost · 10/09/2022 10:58

Please do it, living history is a important. I did the same sort of things with my grandma - hearing her experiences is a precious memory.

swedex · 10/09/2022 11:03

I saw a tiktok of a girl interviewing her nan and it turned into a complete series of her life it was amazing!
When we went to see my nan over the summer my husband recording my nan talking about how she met grandad and when they got engaged I'm hoping to get some more recordings!

MrsMacnair · 10/09/2022 11:07

Definitely do it!

I wished I had the foresight to ask my grandparents about their lives before they died. It was only when doing my family trees many years later that I realised that there was lots I didn’t know, and lots more that I will never know as there is nobody left to ask.

mummyh2016 · 10/09/2022 11:08

Do it. I got this for my Nan just after xmas (DH had just lost his grandma and said there were so many things he wish he had asked her about).

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B085RV54ZF?psc=1&ref=ppxpoppmobbbasin_title

RosieRoww · 10/09/2022 11:15

My mum used to interview and audio recorded her grandfather, when he passed away, it was very comforting for her to listen his voice again.🤍

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