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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This is too much isn't it

10 replies

justdonttry · 09/09/2022 12:39

I work in a stressful, full time out the house job in the public sector. I have two kids, one who is not thriving at school and on the list for an ASD assessment. I am currently fighting with the school to get an EHCP for them and some additional support. She has very strong sensory reactions which can make every day life difficult, especially transitions and so finding after school and holiday club provision is not easy. Luckily I have amazing parents who are retired and help out lots but they're getting older.
We have a stressful situation with our neighbours which isn't going to get better and I feel anxious at home all the time. I cannot use my garden at all because of this.
We made the decision to move over the summer, when the lack of garden was really impacting on our quality of life. My 'D' P has been really shit about doing anything to help this, not really understanding how much there is to moving house and the costs etc. He has never bought a house before but doesn't want to learn or make any phone calls.
Then, I was offered a promotion. Good amount more but different location (further from home and school), new team, new job role. I'm very tempted as these jobs aren't common and we struggle with our incomes currently. I would take it straight away but as I'm currently so stressed, would this break me.
I feel something has to give as I can't carry on as I am now. A house move, new job, new childcare arrangements and possibly school for the children plus all the stress of my existing life (bills, house stuff, paperwork, social events, play dates, being there for friends and elderly relatives) I think I will have to choose between the house move and the promotion. What would you do?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 09/09/2022 12:44

Take the job and delay the house move for six months or so.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 09/09/2022 12:44

I’d accept that new job and move house without that useless “D”P of yours

abw94 · 09/09/2022 12:47

Both. There's never a good time to move or start a new job, just do it. My other half provided no help when we moved house with the legalities and I was happy with this as I knew I was in control of what was happening.

GiantTortoise · 09/09/2022 12:47

I'd take the job if it doesn't come up often. Delay house move to the spring.

JoeyThePrawn · 09/09/2022 12:48

New job and start handing over responsibilities to him . If things don't get done then just leave it for him to sort out
Hard line it

Testina · 09/09/2022 12:48

Take the job.
Postpone the house move until you feel able.
Use the house move to reduce outgoings - move somewhere cheaper.
Drop “being there for friends”, elderly relatives, social events… I expect you’re creating some of the pressure in your life yourself.
Raise your expectations of your husband - or go it alone.

Testina · 09/09/2022 12:50

In the new job -do you have a chance to negotiate some home working?
Or as it pays more, sacrifice money for a 4.5 day week?

mamabear715 · 09/09/2022 12:51

Job. You can move house anytime. OR - also sell house now before prices crash & rent near the new job. Buy when prices are lower. Obvs haven't got a crystal ball, but it looks like that's the way things are heading.
As for doing everything yourself, I think mums often DO. DH's are ok for being a sounding board, lol, although I'm sure (hope?) other posters will disagree!

ChimChimeny · 09/09/2022 12:52

JoeyThePrawn · 09/09/2022 12:48

New job and start handing over responsibilities to him . If things don't get done then just leave it for him to sort out
Hard line it

And think about leaving him if he doesn't step up to the plate.

Also second enquiring about WFH

AlisonDonut · 09/09/2022 13:05

You write as if you were single.

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