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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No Gift or Card for 30th Birthday

8 replies

lh4077 · 08/09/2022 22:46

Am I just being overly sensitive?

I've just turned 30, and I've not received any card/gift from my BIL or SIL. My SIL wished me happy birthday over social media, and so did my BILs wife nothing from BIL.

In the past I've always gone out of my way to make their 'big' birthday gifts a little more special than the standard £10 in a card. I'm just a little miffed that they haven't even sent a card.

I'm now in the mind frame that the gifts I've got ready for their birthdays can stay in my cupboard for me to enjoy.

My husband seems to think I'm being overly sensitive, because everyone has lots on their plates with the cost of living, and a smidge of family drama. I've reminded him that they all earn a fair amount more than us, we also have that smidge of family drama to contend with and I am literally about to pop any day now with our second child, and they have either received their birthday gifts for the year or have them sat waiting in bags to be received.
Even if they'd just come and said look we can't really afford birthdays I would have understood, it's more the fact I feel like I've been brushed off as unimportant. Everyone's 'big' birthdays have always been made a bit of a deal about.

I'm not a selfish person, and it could very well be the end of pregnancy hormones kicking in. I just feel a little sad and cross that people I go above and beyond to make feel special on their birthdays don't seem to want to do the same for me.

OP posts:
PrincessConsuelaBanana · 08/09/2022 22:57

Happy Birthday! 💐
sorry your IL’s are a bit shit, I hope your DP made it as special as he could and you had a lovely day regardless.
YANBU to be upset with them, I would be too. I’d be tempted to keep their presents too but that is probably a bit petty tbh… try not to take it too personally. Some people are just a bit rubbish with things like that. X

MsMoody · 08/09/2022 22:59

Happy birthday! I can totally understand feeling hurt. I would bet that they see you as the “organiser” of the family and therefore have the mindset of “someone else will do it” when it came to your birthday.

Tania64 · 08/09/2022 22:59

Keep the presents you have bought & never buy them anything ever again.

Bonheurdupasse · 08/09/2022 23:00

Definitely return or use yourself any presents you bought.
Otherwise you’ll just be encouraging the same treatment going forward.

emmathedilemma · 08/09/2022 23:01

There’s a post strike today and tomorrow!

Cw112 · 08/09/2022 23:02

Happy birthday!!! I get why you're feeling that way- are you due to see them or do anything to celebrate your birthday? I love a few hours away from my family so I wouldn't send their presents in the post I'd hold on to it and then give it to them when I visit the closest weekend to the date of their birthday? Also post has been on strike here, not sure if it's regional? Either way I think you focus on you and doing something lovely to celebrate!

Isonthecase · 08/09/2022 23:21

I'm not sure I'd be too worried about a one off. I massively dropped the ball on a relative's birthday this year - just had a lot on - and sorted it once I realised. It happens. It's when it's part of a pattern of selfish behaviour that it's a problem. Wait until you see them to see if you get something in person first anyway!

Kite22 · 08/09/2022 23:49

I don't really see that a 30th birthday is any different from a 28th or 31st or whatever.
But it is nice to receive a card on your birthday.
I'm quite happy to have come to an agreement to not do presents with other adults in the family.

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