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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect her to pay?

64 replies

Lavender14 · 08/09/2022 08:40

So a woman on my street who I've previously got on really well with has hit my car and caused a bit of damage. She was annoyed at the time but she backed into my car and there were witnesses so she couldn't really deny blame. Initially she said she would pay for it and said she had a relative who could do the work, however the relative hasn't shown up after weeks of back and forth and now I'm starting to doubt the relative exists. I took the car to get a quote and told her the cost and now she's not replying. How long do I give her to come up with the money? The last thing I want is to make it awkward with someone I live a few doors down from and I know money is probably tight for her especially at the minute so want to be fair, but at the same time I would like the car fixed. Its not off the road with the damage or anything but just has a big dent at the front and green paint scrapes all over it. What would you do?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 08/09/2022 09:14

You could tell her you need it fixed soon because you're worried about rust or something and just ask for the money at the weekend or you'll be putting in a claim on Monday

don't faff with all this. It just makes you seem wishy-washy. Say "it's been too long I've instructed my insurance company"

or just tell your insurance - ask the witnesses to confirm, and if you have anything from her in writing give them that, too. She'll hear about it soon enough.

And in future? Unless someone hands you a wodge of cash which is enough to cover the damage, at the time, go through your insurance (or refuse the cash and go through your insurance anyway)

girlmom21 · 08/09/2022 09:16

Phone the insurance company. You're asking if you'll get into trouble for not telling them sooner but what's your alternative if she doesn't pay?

Sparkletastic · 08/09/2022 09:16

She's had long enough. Go through your insurance.

PurpleDaisies · 08/09/2022 09:17

If she was going to pay, she would have paid.

IncompleteSenten · 08/09/2022 09:18

Time to tell her you can't wait any longer so you are going to go through insurance on monday if she hasn't paid by the weekend.

caringcarer · 08/09/2022 09:19

Go through insurance immediately. Get witness statements from witnesses. Send in your quote too.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/09/2022 09:21

Offer her two options:

Pay up by x date or you're going through insurance.

It was her fault.

So she asked specifically not to go through the insurance at the start

Well, that was at the start. Now she still hasn't sorted anything out or paid up.

LetsGoCrazyPurpleBanana · 08/09/2022 09:22

I bet she's not insured.

TokyoSushi · 08/09/2022 09:22

Agree, just go through the insurance. She probably doesn't have the money or didn't realise how much it would cost. If she doesn't have the money now, she's not going to have it tomorrow etc so you might as well get on with it.

Shiningstarr · 08/09/2022 09:28

There's no way she has insurance.

KosherDill · 08/09/2022 09:53

I would give 24 hours, max.

If she lets this affect neighbourly relationships, that's on her.

Why be a doormat?

mothertrucking · 08/09/2022 09:58

Sounds to me like she doesn't have insurance

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/09/2022 10:09

So she asked specifically not to go through the insurance at the start

That's wholly contingent on the assumption that she will come to a satisfactory alternative arrangement. Saying "Please let's not involve insurance - get a quote and I will give you the money myself" (and actually doing so in a timely manner) is completely different from saying/implying "Let's not go through insurance, because although it was a problem entirely caused by me, I want you to be the one who suffers from my actions, so that I just get away with it."

She has damaged your car and has shown no interest in making good your loss.... and yet you would be the one making things awkward for wanting to not be out of pocket as a result of her negligence?!

I wouldn't go in meekly, just matter-of-fact tell her that, as she hasn't made any other arrangements as she implied she would do, you're now going to go through the insurance. Don't offer her any 'unless I hear from you by X' - if she does want to jump to it and stump up the cash straightaway (actually come up with the cash, not just promise to), that's her decision and her emergency, not yours.

EleanorRavenclaw · 08/09/2022 10:56

I wouldn’t say anything to her just go to your insurance company as PP have said with all the details. It’s not her call whether or not to go through insurance. She’s had more than enough time to sort it out.

Trudij123 · 08/09/2022 10:58

I’ve gone YABU PURELY because you should have gone through insurance. Get them on the case ( if you haven’t already - I’ve not RTFT yet) they can chase it.

what a cow for ignoring this!

TrashPandas · 08/09/2022 11:38

Question im stuck on is how long would you give her to come up with the money?

I'd have given her about three days.

Go through insurance.

MaggieFS · 08/09/2022 11:50

Well she's not being friendly back is she! Remind her that as she requested you've not gone to your insurers, but you can't wait any longer so you'll be passing it on to your insurers tomorrow.

DillonPanthersTexas · 08/09/2022 12:01

I think whatever happens now this friendship is somewhat damaged if not over. Friends don't try and rip you off over damage they have caused to your property.

Notify your insurance company and in the meantime I would make the effort to keep the witnesses engaged and on side as they are the ones who will ensure liability is with this woman alone rather then a contested accident.

Even if this elusive relative does exist are they actually a qualified car bodywork specialist with access to a proper garage and spray shop or some have a go hero bloke from the pub whose work is crap and not guaranteed.

SarahSissions · 08/09/2022 12:03

If she’s at fault your insurance won’t go up. I would write her a letter and say has 2 days to contact you else you will have to contact your insurer

Bookworm20 · 08/09/2022 12:17

Just go and see her and say, you want to get it sorted and if she can't sort it by end of next week you'll just have to contact your insurance.

Perhaps she doesn't think the damage was that bad and the quote is now something she can't afford. Either way she needs to let you know and to try and keep things as amicable as possible, give her the deadline type scenario.

I am confused though. If she backed into it and it has a 'big dent at the front' How is there green paint scraps all over the rest of the car? I'm wondering if you're a bit like my dp when it comes to the car, she'd of had to back into it at a fair speed to cause a big dent. Only asking as mine and my partners idea of a big dent is very different. His car had what I would describe as a tiny ding, no bigger than a 1p piece, but he thought it was huge and insisted on getting it all fixed and resprayed. It really makes no difference though, its your car and she damaged it, so regardless she is responsible for paying either through insurance or her own pocket.

PicaK · 08/09/2022 12:38

Check your insurance cover. You may find it's invalid if you don't report accidents. And then that cam be what you tell her

Original poster
Lavender14 · 08/09/2022 12:55

Bookworm20 · 08/09/2022 12:17

Just go and see her and say, you want to get it sorted and if she can't sort it by end of next week you'll just have to contact your insurance.

Perhaps she doesn't think the damage was that bad and the quote is now something she can't afford. Either way she needs to let you know and to try and keep things as amicable as possible, give her the deadline type scenario.

I am confused though. If she backed into it and it has a 'big dent at the front' How is there green paint scraps all over the rest of the car? I'm wondering if you're a bit like my dp when it comes to the car, she'd of had to back into it at a fair speed to cause a big dent. Only asking as mine and my partners idea of a big dent is very different. His car had what I would describe as a tiny ding, no bigger than a 1p piece, but he thought it was huge and insisted on getting it all fixed and resprayed. It really makes no difference though, its your car and she damaged it, so regardless she is responsible for paying either through insurance or her own pocket.

I was parked and stationary and she reversed into the front of my car coming out of her drive. She just didn't check if there was another car there when she started reversing. I just mean some of the paint from her car is now scratched onto where the dent is on mine. Its not all over the car, its just over the dent sorry that wasn't very clear. Dent is about the size of a football I think because her car is much bigger and higher than mine. Thanks everyone who's commented i absolutely hate any sort of confrontation and really wanted to work with her but you're right. I'll give her notice and then go through insurance anyways.

OP posts:
abovedecknotbelow · 08/09/2022 13:19

I'm guessing she doesn't have insurance

Electricstar · 08/09/2022 13:24

You’ve tried to be nice by asking her to pay up before going through insurance. I scratched someone’s car at my old workplace (luckily he fixed cars for a living on weekends lol) and he gave me costs which were minor and I paid him direct and it was sorted within days. It seems easier that way which is why I understand why you didn’t call insures straight away

I think now is time to call insurance though if I’m honest the whole “they’ve got a relative who can fix car” I’ve seen people use that before and nothing come of it. I think you should text her and say look it’s been weeks, I’m going to have to get insurance company involved” or, you don’t have to even tell her to be honest whatever you prefer

VictoriaConcordiaCrescit · 08/09/2022 13:37

Through insurance, call today

She's clearly giving you the run around with no intention of paying