To stop contact altogether

[BrokenRainbow22]

Recently separated from my 2 DC father. He was controlling and absuive to me through out the 11 year relationship. We don't have any kind of communication at all. He sent a letter to the house today saying he will have the children Wednesday 4-6 and Sunday 12-3.
That to me is an absolute joke... So I will be doing all drop offs and pick ups to school (they are at separate schools opposite ends of town) and he will just see them 5 hours a week.

AIBU to just ignore the letter or is that unfair to the children? I just think its a way of keeping that little bit of control IMO.

He's trying to still control you.
Can you get free half hour legal advice?

@Itshotoutthere I should be able to get some legal advice yes, why do you suggest this? Thanks

You can’t ignore the letter, especially if he’s been abusive. You need to speak to a lawyer and get a proper agreement in place.

@Krakinou thanks I will speak to my IDVA tomorrow and see if she suggests a certain lawyer or firm to contact

Bump

As above. Don't ignore it because that could come back to haunt you if it goes to Court and he can demonstrate he was making reasonable attempts to see the children and you would not cooperate or ignored communications.

Seek legal advice

5 hours a week? Wtf?! How bizarre. I'd ignore it in terms of not responding and as above just go through lawyers from now on.

What contact would you want there to be in an ideal world op?

A. Do not ignore the letter as he could come back on you.
B. Get legal advice for yourself
C. I would not stop contact here. If he was as abusive as you say then in all likelihood he will at some point subject the children to toxic or even abusive behaviour and the less he sees them the less exposure they will have to this. If you stop contact he could fight you in court where it’s your word against his and he could end up getting way more time with them.
D. It’s shitty your doing all the actual parenting but abusers don’t randomly become nice people all of a sudden.

If you have an IDVA, then this man is NOT one to spend time with, negotiate with or give kids over to without a great deal of consideration

speak to your idva and see what they recommend - they know your situation better than we do

Ideally I think it would be nice if he dropped off and collected DC from school a couple of times a week, took them for tea and dropped back home. Then had them for the whole day Saturday so I have some time to actually go out and do things for myself.

YANBU in what you want. But in many ways you’ve answered your own question. He was abusive through out the relationship. He’s not going to start being nice now. The fact it would be nice if he did those things will be enough motive not to do them.

I agree with those saying get some legal advice