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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is he doing this now?

8 replies

Hignfyme · 07/09/2022 22:08

My husband has worked abroad since before I met him, that’s been fine and suits both of us. I’ve had trouble since before we got married when he’s lied to me for no reason about females he’s worked with (his friends mentioned a name and it didn’t ring a bell), he lied to me about who he was working with a week before we got married and since then I’ve felt uncomfortable and snooped on his phone and seen messages between him and colleagues chatting about a co-workers ‘tits’.

He’s stated this behaviour was due to his ex’s jealousy but he’s recently gone to work and emptied his pockets at home which contained bar receipts for three of the days he said he was working - one of which was the day after our toddler got out of the hospital with breathing difficulties and I told him not to risk his job coming home.

I’ve been ready to end things everytime this has happened and he’s begged me not to. I have tried to make things work for the kids and also because my heads been mush. Tonight, he’s said he doesn’t care and wants to end things too and I’ve no idea how to respond because he’s refusing to discuss anything. I know I’ve been a moron but wtf am I meant to do with this after 13 years and him insisting I look after the kids?

OP posts:
tryingtoholdittogetheralways · 15/09/2022 07:03

You take a deep breath and you start making plans to leave. Do you own or rent? Do a universal credit calculator to see what you're entitled to. I'm sorry, it's shit, but it sounds like the trust has been gone for some time.

Isaidnoalready · 15/09/2022 07:04

Agree to it he clearly is expecting you to beg him to stay don't do it

Ponoka7 · 15/09/2022 07:24

So has he cheated, or taken a day off work and gone out drinking?

giveovernate · 15/09/2022 07:27

We're the bar receipts for outside working hours? If he works abroad does he not have set days to travel to and from. It's not clear if he's been having an affair or just lying about women he works with?

SavoirFlair · 15/09/2022 07:29

My husband has worked abroad since before I met him, that’s been fine and suits both of us.

**

SavoirFlair · 15/09/2022 07:30

SavoirFlair · 15/09/2022 07:29

My husband has worked abroad since before I met him, that’s been fine and suits both of us.

**

Bizarre - Mumsnet put two asterisks instead of my post

I was asking, why does him working abroad suit you, OP?

Theredjellybean · 15/09/2022 07:34

I'm also struggling to understand what's happening.
The bar receipts... If he'd gone out for a drink after work, what's the problem?
And the lying about female colleagues.. Again did he have a relationship with them, or just not tell you they were working with him?
Frankly if you snooped constantly through his phone and been constantly threatening to leave he may have got fed up with this, if he's done nothing wrong and has called your bluff

Notimeforaname · 15/09/2022 07:54

I’ve been ready to end things everytime this has happened

wtf am I meant to do with this after 13 years and him insisting I look after the kids?

You clearly haven't been "ready to leave him". I guess he knows this and is calling your bluff because he knows you won't leave, despite you saying you're ready to. Either that or he does want to end it.

But dont use splitting up as a threat. If you mean it, do it, dont play emotional games, they're pointless.

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