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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children climbing on war memorials

26 replies

strawberrysea · 07/09/2022 20:17

There is a war memorial in a park near me, it's very big and kept very clean, always poppy wreaths on it.

I was walking through the park on my way home today and there were two children climbing all over it and jumping off of it. Their mum was standing and watching them, very chill, so I guess she gave them the green light.

I really didn't think it was okay. I'm generally very, very laid back (the type to get the wrong meal in a restaurant and not complain) and not much irritates me but I found it so annoying - perhaps that isn't the right word. It just looked and felt so wrong to see kids climbing all over a memorial. I also do see how I could be being a bit ridiculous here. I don't have kids myself which makes a massive difference obviously.

I'm very interested to hear other opinions.

Disclaimer - I can already read some of the comments now - no, I'm not a journalist, I use the daily mail to line the litter tray that's all it's good for etc.

YABU - this is completely fine
YANBU - it's disrespectful to climb on a war memorial

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 07/09/2022 20:18

YANBU
The mum should have had better control of her children.

HildasHat · 07/09/2022 20:22

Extremely disrespectful , I would have had to say something
A memorial is not a playground
They should take that opportunity to educate their children

KassandraOfSparta · 07/09/2022 20:23

It's ridiculously disrespectful.

Don't blame the kids though, they are taking their cue from their clueless mother.

EdithWeston · 07/09/2022 20:26

The Dc just want to play. It is their DParents who are in the wrong for not telling them that it's not appropriate in some places - and that includes any form of grave or memorial. Especially ones that well-tended with flowers/wreathes

Original poster
strawberrysea · 07/09/2022 20:27

Glad I have some agreement here, I thought I was being really horrible and judgemental of this mum and her children (as pp says, I don't blame the kids of course). I guess I am being judgemental but glad to be validated

OP posts:
LosttheremoteAGAIN · 07/09/2022 20:28

I remember going on a trip with a group I was a member of
we had to meet at the local war memorial to get on the coach-we where first there-and we firmly told the kids not to touch it out of respect
within half an hour over 25 other families had shown up and where allowing their kids to climb all over it/hang off it while waiting for the coach
mine where standing there,asking why they couldn’t do the same
rinse and repeat once we where dropped back at the same spot

its bloody disgusting-these men lost their lives so that families can allow their kids to do what they want in years to come

Haudyourwheesht · 07/09/2022 20:35

I hope you never go near the Holocaust memorial in Berlin. The way people behave around that is horrendous. Sad

HildasHat · 07/09/2022 20:37

Did you mention it to the organisers afterwards @LosttheremoteAGAIN , so that they could put a courtesy reminder in a newsletter, not that they should have to , but still...
What happened to respect ?

Original poster
strawberrysea · 07/09/2022 20:39

@LosttheremoteAGAIN good for you, I bet your children are lovely.
Also relate strongly to your username.

@Haudyourwheesht I can imagine, sadly. I hate to be one of those 'what happened to respect' but I really do agree, strongly, in instances like these.

OP posts:
BoviTraci · 07/09/2022 20:40

Kids skateboard on the one in my city. Despite there being a skateboarding park nearby . People are always shouting at them to get off it as they drive past .

LosttheremoteAGAIN · 07/09/2022 20:41

HildasHat · 07/09/2022 20:37

Did you mention it to the organisers afterwards @LosttheremoteAGAIN , so that they could put a courtesy reminder in a newsletter, not that they should have to , but still...
What happened to respect ?

They where standing there and my mother (who was the one to tell mine that they couldn’t-I agreed) told them how disgusting it was that they where allowed to do it (she’s got a gob like a foghorn)
cue a lot of dirty looks from the parents-nothing was said but the following years trip,we met up elsewhere…

I was really disgusted-these kids came from families who mums (single parent group and it was all mums-not one dad) prided themselves on bringing up kids to a high standard

ImWonderingwhy · 07/09/2022 20:43

Utterly wrong, I would have said something.

Pava22 · 07/09/2022 20:44

I want to say you are not being unreasonable. And I don't allow my kids to do this at all and have also said it's out of respect. But I have been pondering on it and part of me thinks well... those who did indeed die for us and this country. Would they be upset about it? Kids playing and having fun amidst a very honourable and historical figure. Is it disrespectful?

I still won't be allowing the kids to do it regardless as I am in 2 minds and also don't want to be judged and made to feel shamed either.

HildasHat · 07/09/2022 20:48

Good for your mum @LosttheremoteAGAIN I'd be standing shoulder to shoulder with the pair of you

Suzi888 · 07/09/2022 20:50

Interesting 21% think it’s ok….

YANBU it’s disrespectful.

Twilightimmortal · 07/09/2022 20:52

The thing is no one is buried there. It is a memorial. Why does this inanimate object, basically carved concrete hold this power?

I much prefer memorial benches.

Pava22 · 07/09/2022 20:53

Back to my answer I have visions of the men in war looking down at us saying miserable so and sos. We died for them to have freedom and ve happy and they are telling the kids off for playing on a statue of us. Let em play! But then again they might be appalled!

Twilightimmortal · 07/09/2022 20:54

It borders on shrine and idol worship. Not every one is religious.

StolenWillowTree · 07/09/2022 20:55

The one in Berlin was specifically designed to be playground-like because the architect designed it with the intention of encouraging children and adults to play and use the space in a non-solemn way, and for it to be something people actively engage with, rather than just looking at.

I've definitely seen people behaving what I'd consider disrespectfully there, but playing is fine.

However I think the Berlin one is very much the exception, since the purpose and design encourages play in a way most memorials obviously do not.

HildasHat · 07/09/2022 20:59

Twilightimmortal · 07/09/2022 20:54

It borders on shrine and idol worship. Not every one is religious.

it's a memorial , a place to reflect & remember
Nothing to do with religion

rainbowmilk · 07/09/2022 21:15

The only reason you’re BU is in suggesting that it makes a massive difference that you don’t have kids. It doesn’t. You’re perfectly able to comment on things like this without having to have birthed children, and I strongly dislike the narrative that us childless people don’t “get it”.

As to the rest you’re categorically NBU. The lack of respect I’ve seen for war memorials from useless parents is mind boggling.

happinesslovescompany · 08/09/2022 17:11

We were heading for a meal one night and I spotted a disgusting man pissing on a war memorial. He moved quick when I roared 'you fucking dirty bastard, that's a war memorial' at him. I was heading toward him to shove him out the way when he legged it, pissing on his shoes as he went. Hmm

happinesslovescompany · 08/09/2022 17:22

Hit enter in error. We have a large cenotaph full of skateboarders too. However they skate in the plaza rather than on the memorial.

carefullycourageous · 08/09/2022 17:27

I would not let my children do it, but I do not really feel that strongly about statues etc. being 'disrespected' by others.

I am very uncomfortable with war memorials and do not like them much. I feel very uncomfortable around them. They make me quite angry actually, because the people who care a lot about war memorials don't seem nearly bothered enough about the number of veterans in prison, on drugs or on the streets Angry

AliceMcK · 08/09/2022 17:52

I’m first gen English, come from a family of anti British military, lots of history with the British establishment and military, but I 100% respect the men and women who died fighting to defend their country and the freedom of its people. I buy poppy’s, send my dcs to the dawn parades with brownies & guides etc, because they fought for a world which ultimately allowed my family to move to the uk. I would never allow my dcs to climb on a war memorial, completely disrespectful.