AIBU to tell my daughter to stay in school?

[hidingunderabush]

My DD16, recently started at a new sixth form. She has been there for a little under a week. The move was her own choice as they had subjects she wants to do. She recently said she wants to move back to her old school as her new school is strict and restricts her independence. She has made friends and has no worries there, however she hates how strict it is. For example, girls must have their hair tied back, blazers on at all times and apparently some of the staff aren’t too nice. I cannot currently afford a new uniform for her and her current uniform would end up being an entire waste of money. AIBU?

I am going to be strict here and would point out to her the money that has been wasted. How is she going to fund? Saturday/holiday job? And stick to it.

I think you should let your daughter change schools - it's better to do it now than wait until it would be too late to start new courses. I understand about the uniform costs but it would be fair in your case to tell your dd that she has to pay for the new uniform out of her own money. If she really wants to move, surely she will agree to this?
You could try to get a small amount of money back for the current uniform, on the school facebook group or similar

We are in NI and she has offered to give up her EMA in order to repay us for the uniform. She receives £60 every two weeks.

It's surprisingly common to change schools in the first week of 6th form! I think your DD is more likely to work hard and do well academically if she's happy so I'd try to accommodate this if possible. Obviously no harm in pushing back a bit and asking if she's really sure etc. Maybe she could get a pt job and pay towards the uniform? Or you might be able to sell it on the 2nd hand uniform website as it's practically unworn?

Cross post. If she's prepared to do that then why wouldn't you let her move?

I think she needs to stick it out more than a week - it might just be culture shock - but ultimately, yes. There is no reason for sixth formers having "blazers on at all times" or creating that sort of punitive environment with A-level students who are choosing to be there and develop independence and confidence before they go to uni. But equally, she might get used to it and find other benefits in the school (good teachers, friends, etc) which means that she decides it's worth living with.

A couple of hundred quid to secure your child's happiness and A-level grades is money well invested; accept what the other poster says that she can pay it back somehow (assuming that she was part of the decision to go there). Less at Christmas/no driving lessons/less allowance for the next year, etc?

Assuming that there is the option to go back to her old school, I'd say that you'll make the decision on the 30th September and to ask again then. If she's still adamant, let her move.

Unless you are utterly broke* I think the uniform cost isn't the issue. The issue is which is the right school for her. And better to decide sooner rather than later.

And it sounds like she may be prepared to chip in.

My problem is she also stated that one of the subjects offered at her old school is something she wouldn’t be interested in doing. She is now saying she wouldn’t mind doing it if it meant she got to move back to the school.

Is there space at the old school? If not, then there is no point even talking about it. You cannot make decisions when you do not know the options.

There is space at the old school. She was told by the head of sixth that if she wanted to go back she could on results day.

I’d be inclined to stick it out a bit longer.
is she actually unhappy or just adjusting?
ds went back to 6th form- he didn’t have options for the a levels he wanted but all his friends were there. So he has had a lovely first year socially, hated the courses so not put the effort in and now having to change course as hasn’t done well enough to stay on. So with hindsight I would not be swayed for a social life and unsuitable a level course.

She keeps saying she will work hard if she’s allowed to switch schools. Most of her friends are still there but she has now made friends there. She wouldn’t be the first one to transfer from that school back to her old one as a former classmate has done it too.

I can’t see any valid reason not to let her, at her age this should be her decision and she’s offered to help with the uniform repayments.

As others have said, it’s not unusual to move at this stage but the new school will be laying down the law, particularly for new students, so will be being hard line on rules etc.

Oh god- I don’t know. I know what NI schools can be like and some are horrendous!
They can treat the lower and upper 6th children like actual children and I really don’t think it’s the way forward!
I think at that age, they need to be treated as young adults in order for them to prepare for uni and FE and jobs.
My school was very like this, I left at 16 (thankfully) and went on to get my degree at the same time as my peers (much to the snobby, disgust of most of my peers!)
Due to the fact that your daughter has transferred to this school, I understand why she is disliking it.
But- it could just be a culture shock and she may settle.
Im really sorry- no real advice but I must say I hate stuffy NI grammar schools!

According to her she learns better through independence but this school apparently doesn’t allow for much of it. I just wish they had disclosed the rules and policies before she had enrolled, there was no mention of any of them.

Just let her go.

She needs to remember the reason she chose that school in the first place. They might just be stricter as it's the first week. She needs to give it time.

The staff are ‘aren’t too nice?’

She is trying to pull a fast one. I’d guess she’s got in trouble for something and doesn’t like it.

Fine, let her move back but she pays for her new uniform and also has to sell the current one. It’s called learning responsibility for your own actions.

It's really hard to be treated like a child when you are in the sixth-form.

They are supposed to be learning to work independently and preparing for university, how does that work if they are in a strict environment with too many rules?

Your DD will probably do better academically if she is happy.

If she hates it that bad I suppose you may just let her leave. Make sure she pays you back the original cost of the uniform and the second.