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AIBU?

School keeps making the same mistake

14 replies

Mumof2boysuk · 07/09/2022 18:12

feel like I am going out of my mind with this one and I am constantly worrying and doubting myself as this is the 3rd year of trying to sort this.

Youngest DS (he is 8) has been in the same class as a boy who bullies him and other kids for the last 2 years. He has had several injury slips and it really negatively effects home life as he hates school because of it all. This boy won't let him play with anyone else and follows him around and can be very cruel if DS tries to stay away from him. His teacher 2 years ago split them up in class but his teacher last year called me in because DS was leaving the bully out and that was unkind. WTF? How can we win?

We are seeing a professional privately now to help us deal with his anxiety but I feel like school is just ignoring the fact that this boy is a bully and DS has to figure it out for himself.

I went for a meeting to talk about my concerns as I am determined to deal with it differently this year and was almost made to feel wrong for accusing another boy of bullying and made me feel like I was making it all up. She talked to DS and he told her that he is friends with the boy which only strengthened what she was saying. DS is scared of being told off by the teachers for leaving him out again and doesn't want the boy to get into trouble because he knows it'll end badly for him so I think he might be telling her what she wants to hear.

The lunchtime supervision is shocking and they are expected to go and tell a teacher during lesson time which DS would never do because he wouldn't want to be an inconvenience.

Would you push for something more to be done?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

32 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
sueelleker · 07/09/2022 19:13

Can you change schools?

Eupraxia · 07/09/2022 19:21

You're questioning the professionalism of the teachers. The right answer is not always the one parents want to hear.

Either the teachers and leaders at the school are inadequate. In which case why are you keeping him there?

Or maybe consider that there see the issue in a different, possibly wider, context than you do and start considering they may know what they are talking about.

asimileofsomesmoke · 07/09/2022 19:27

Change schools. This school clearly isn't going to change its approach.

LionessesRules · 07/09/2022 19:31

New school. You've given them plenty of chances.


Compared to our recent (secondary) experience: DS went to his head of year at lunchtime Monday to say he was extremely unhappy with the new teaching group he'd been put in, due to previous racism by one of the other kids in there, and the lack of his friends who had been shielding him from shoving and tripping from the kid who had been calling him names (school knew about the racism, not the physical bit).
He was in a new teaching group today.

PeekAtYou · 07/09/2022 19:37

Ime there's like a handful of lunchtime supervisors and like 200/300 kids. Not possible to do more than offer sympathy if someone needs to go to the office and get a plaster.

If your ds can't tell the teacher what is happening then I think you have no choice but to change schools.

Lavendersummer · 07/09/2022 19:40

Move school. If they haven’t sorted it by now they never will. You can’t make them change their attitude.
move him

BuffaloCauliflower · 07/09/2022 19:43

I would move him, or home educate, this isn’t a good environment for your child and things don’t look likely to change

Skipsabeat · 07/09/2022 19:49

I would change schools. There isn’t anything else you can do.

cansu · 07/09/2022 19:49

I think you need to consider that your ds may not be telling you the whole truth either.
There are also some subtleties that you are not looking at but the teacher is.

Let's say that this boy is friends with some of the other boys that your ds is also friends with. What happens then? He is told to stay away from ds but he tries to join in at lunchtimes with his other friends who also play with your ds. Ds tells him he isn't allowed to play. He is left out. His mum says he is being excluded.

Ultimately if this is the scenario your ds and this child need to be able to get along. You also describe this other child as bullying ds and others for two years. You are therefore labelling a six year old as a bully. Kids need to mature and learn how to get on with others. I think the teachers might be suggesting you need to see this in a different light. The other child remains part of the class and cannot be excluded either. You can however expect the school to help your child and the other to play better either together or get along without being friends particularly.

butmumineedit · 07/09/2022 19:53

Do you pick your child up at end of school day ? If so before you leave the playground ask him if everything was ok at school , if he says no , then approach the teacher and ask her to explain the days events with regards to the other child. trust me they will soon sort it if there is a problem rather than wanting you to speak to the teacher at pick up every day .

Jumpking · 07/09/2022 19:59

What do you want school to do @Mumof2boysuk ?
Is this achievable for them?
You're aware that DS isn't telling the full story as children his age can't see the behaviour responses of others to their own?
Why are you putting your child through a third year of hell if it's so bad that he needs to see a counsellor?

To some extent, DS does have to figure it out for himself. Human interaction means we learn to deal with people we don't get on with. It sounds like school are trying to help him with that and that you are determined to fight this battle for him instead.

Either move schools or follow the schools lead in this by supporting your son to learn to deal with people who are harder to get on with than others.

Penguinfeather781 · 07/09/2022 20:08

Not sure why everyone is tripping over themselves to come up with reasons why a bullying child might not be a bully or there’s something more to the story. It’s entirely possible for an eight year old to be a bully.

Honestly I’d consider moving schools, but that’s potentially a big step. Have you made a formal complaint and followed the whole complaint process though? If not I’d start there. If your child has been repeatedly injured by another and is now having to have professional help then I think you have plenty of evidence of the impact of this on him. Is it a multiple form entry class? Can you argue for them to be in separate classes?

NameChangeForThisOneAgain · 07/09/2022 20:16

Does your DS go to University of Cambridge Primary School by any chance? Sounds like the way they respond

Maymaymay · 07/09/2022 20:18

So 3 sets of teachers and support staff are saying it isn't a bullying issue ? 6 people at least ?

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