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AIBU?

School just keep making the same mistake

9 replies

Mumof2boyscheshire · 07/09/2022 18:07

I feel like I am going out of my mind with this one and I am constantly worrying and doubting myself as this is the 3rd year of trying to sort this.

Youngest DS (he is 8) has been in the same class as a boy who bullies him and other kids for the last 2 years. He has had several injury slips and it really negatively effects home life as he hates school because of it all. This boy won't let him play with anyone else and follows him around and can be very cruel if DS tries to stay away from him. His teacher 2 years ago split them up in class but his teacher last year called me in because DS was leaving the bully out and that was unkind. WTF? How can we win?

We are seeing a professional privately now to help us deal with his anxiety but I feel like school is just ignoring the fact that this boy is a bully and DS has to figure it out for himself.

I went for a meeting to talk about my concerns as I am determined to deal with it differently this year and was almost made to feel wrong for accusing another boy of bullying and made me feel like I was making it all up. She talked to DS and he told her that he is friends with the boy which only strengthened what she was saying. DS is scared of being told off by the teachers for leaving him out again and doesn't want the boy to get into trouble because he knows it'll end badly for him so I think he might be telling her what she wants to hear.

The lunchtime supervision is shocking and they are expected to go and tell a teacher during lesson time which DS would never do because he wouldn't want to be an inconvenience.

Would you push for something more to be done?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

27 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
11%
You are NOT being unreasonable
89%
Catch21 · 07/09/2022 18:11

You need to write down every time something happens between and then take that to the school. It helps when you can point to specific incidents.

Ilovelindor · 07/09/2022 18:13

I'd move my child TBH.

There will be cries of 'why should you have to' but sometimes it's easier to have a fresh start.

finallyme2018 · 07/09/2022 18:13

My advice move schools, the school have already shown they rather ignore the issue. I left it till my son was suicidal after similar incidents and he went to another school and was happier. Or you could email and ask to see the policy and procedure file. Then escalate it to headteacher explain what you child is doing saying what he thinks the teacher wants to hear but actually when he comes home he saying this and is very upset and ask them how they are going to address it as there policy an procedures state etc etc. But be prepared for the teachers etc to turn against you.

JuneOsborne · 07/09/2022 18:15

Make an appointment every time something happens. It's the only thing you can do.

SlowHandClap · 07/09/2022 18:16

Bloody he'll, that teacher is just not listening. Is it an option to change schools ?

SuperGinger · 07/09/2022 18:27

Victim blaming is so common in these situations. Ironically the absolute thugs get away all sorts, and something similar happened to my DS and I felt the school were useless, all this waffle about how the school has a zero tolerance policy on bullying.

DD goes to a different school and they really tackle the issues, she had a problem with some other children, I spoke to the teacher, the teacher spoke to her and outlined three days they could deal with it, and she chose the approach she felt would be best, they worked together and reported back on outcomes. The school kept an eye on the situation for the following weeks and caught up with DD about effectiveness.

OzonoffS · 07/09/2022 18:32

The school Anti-Bullying Policy should be available on the website. Work through it with a fine tooth comb. Be really careful to stick to facts and not move the goal posts though. Good luck.

Magnanimouse · 07/09/2022 18:46

Here's from a school perspective (headteacher).

If I were in your shoes, I'd ask for an appointment with the headteacher, relay the detail, give them a chance to find out what's happened (they might not know if these are being dealt with by the teacher). And ask the question directly: "If you thought this was bullying, I know you'd do what you can to protect my son. So why don't you think it's bullying?"

I'm posting this because for every "bullying" incident, there is another where:
(i) The child who falls out with friends, gets into a fight, comes off worse, and tells his parents a different story.
(ii) The child who can't accept that sometimes accidents happen on the climbing frame, on the football pitch, etc and has to "blame" someone and assume it was deliberate.
(iii) The child who has high anxiety and interprets every time the "bully" looks in his direction as a dirty look (probably not this one if your child is injured).
(iv) The SEN/child with emotional difficulties/autism who doesn't understand boundaries and is like this with everyone, not just your son (awful, but in reality all the children can't move classes).

Listen to the teacher's side of it. No teacher wants a child to be bullied. The teacher is seeing it differently from you.

Of course, the teacher might be wrong. And then you kick off!

Dibbydoos · 07/09/2022 19:13

Ilovelindor · 07/09/2022 18:13

I'd move my child TBH.

There will be cries of 'why should you have to' but sometimes it's easier to have a fresh start.

I agree.

This other children is toxic. OP, your DS deserves to go to school without some little sh1t causing him harm.

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