Hi!
I am posting this as hard to talk to my friends about! A new guy recently started working with me - I was initially training him in and we had to then work on a few projects together. I don’t want to say exactly but it it a very inspiring job working with people. He is twenty years younger than me and I am happily married mother but I find we have really clicked - not in a sexual way - but his spirit and my spirit are very similar! I would say we have the same values! He has a lovely energy about him and is a really good guy, emotionally mature for his age that has really impressed me as we work with some vulnerable people.
I think with Covid and this year perhaps - at times have been difficult - he has honestly been the highlight of my year. I think he is great and I found myself thinking about him over the summer. I had to text a few times and he replied immediately. On evening- which I kind of regret - I sent him a friendly text at 11pm as a check in - there was some work related back and forths and he replied in a chirpy way but warm and also immediately! Nothing flirty just a lovely text.
We are back to work now and I noticed he blushed when met me - and seems to remember little details about the things I told him. We have many of the same interests and I find at meetings he glances my way. I def feel there is a weird energy between us. When I say weird I mean tension?
I must say that I am happily married but in my fantasy world I imagine myself being younger and we would def have dated? I also am VERY clear that I am in a more senior role and he is in a younger position and it would be wrong. (I’m 45 - he is 26). I keep is professional and friendly.
I do think this is perhaps about my own ageing issues - I don’t know. I genuinely could be his mother! Age wise. But I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m not going to do anything about it - I wouldn’t risk my marriage or don’t think it would be in his plans either. I just want someone to explain what this is all about???
thanks!
AIBU?
Younger Guy at Work
Idealist3 · 07/09/2022 17:31
Am I being unreasonable?
102 votes. Final results.
POLLSunscreenCentral · 07/09/2022 22:40
#FrenchCinema
humans are attracted to other humans.
occasionally, chaos ensues
fin
NovaDeltas · 07/09/2022 18:23
Plenty of young men enjoy the attention and leading on of older women. They're actually rather nasty about it, joking amongst themselves about desperate, lonely women feeding them attention.
He's laughing at you and you're behaving like an idiot. Have some dignity.
oiltrader · 07/09/2022 23:11
you should explore it if you get the chance. you will have fond memories to look back on if you have a short affair
Watchthesunrise · 08/09/2022 02:06
It's very common for middle aged people to be attracted to younger people and their uncynical, youthful energy.
LicoricePizza · 08/09/2022 04:31
I think this is one of those situations where it’s crept up on you & thrown you a bit. We like to think we’re in charge of our emotional choices - like attraction etc & like to have faith in our beliefs that happiness with my husband, or being old enough to be his mother type thing - will ensure things run smoothly. Then this happens where you find yourself connecting with someone when according to all of the rules you shouldn’t be.
I think what you’re saying is you never thought you’d be in this position. You’re not looking for anything, believe in monogamy, fidelity etc.
Everyone here is going with the morals of the situation - which is fair enough because nobody wants to be cheated on & cheating is wrong & damaging. Which you yourself believe in (rationally).
But I think you’re just trying to process that it’s even happening to you at all. It kind of shows that we can all be vulnerable to “temptation” even if on paper temptation would not come in the form it has for you - ie a junior colleague you oversee!
I think from what you say you’re not the sort of person to even think you’d need to protect yourself from temptation per se, but are maybe realising it happens & is actually happening to you.
I suppose when men use this as an excuse - we feel like they’re not taking responsibility for the reality of the situation.
We say come on as if you didn’t realise you were getting closer to this person - it just crept up on you?
I think you have to step back & realise that feelings & attractiveness & connections don’t stop just because you’re in a committed relationship.
Maybe it’s a realisation that you will have to actively work on such feelings, recognise them & then choose not to indulge in them - as they could genuinely be a threat to your marriage.
If you thought your DH was “connecting” with a younger woman at work - you probably would be concerned & disappointed (& have no sympathy whatsoever!)
Maybe it’s a bit of a shock & wake up call to you about the realities & difficulties of relationships in general & that you’re no different to anyone else in that regard.
BetsyBigNose · 07/09/2022 22:19
I'm not saying this is the case, but imagine if his blushes were because he was embarrassed by your behaviour - imagine if he was thinking of reporting you for sexual harassment, considering you are so senior to him. Try to reframe it, I'm sure you don't want to endanger your marriage or your job over this. I know I would be sad to know my DH was feeling this way about a much younger woman.
BetsyBigNose · 07/09/2022 22:19
I'm not saying this is the case, but imagine if his blushes were because he was embarrassed by your behaviour - imagine if he was thinking of reporting you for sexual harassment, considering you are so senior to him. Try to reframe it, I'm sure you don't want to endanger your marriage or your job over this. I know I would be sad to know my DH was feeling this way about a much younger woman.
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Boreded · 08/09/2022 01:59
knock that shit off, stop asking about it on here, and get over you mid life crisis. Just because the menopause is coming doesn’t mean you get to get too friendly with someone. Cheating or not, you would get told to LtB if it was your husband doing this.
ridiculous
IrishladyNE · 08/09/2022 17:37
It’s not completely out of the ordinary, I am 45 and a 30 year old guy was pursuing me. I’m single but I gave it wide birth because of the age gap I know it’s a recipe for disaster.
it was flattering though and I did find him attractive too. Wouldn’t say I’m having a mid life crisis.
Boreded · 08/09/2022 01:59
knock that shit off, stop asking about it on here, and get over you mid life crisis. Just because the menopause is coming doesn’t mean you get to get too friendly with someone. Cheating or not, you would get told to LtB if it was your husband doing this.
ridiculous
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