Hi,
I'm feeling like I have put my foot in it. My best friend since school recently let slip that she has no finances of her own. I mean non whatsoever.
We had a girls night out last weekend and got really drunk, was my treat as we've not done this in years as never get round to it. We don't live very close at all but chat daily online/txt etc. cut to the chase, after a night of booze she gets emotional and opens up to what I can only think is controlling behaviour/abuse.
Her husband has a decent job but she said she doesn't have access to his money. I asked what she meant by his money, surely being married it is their money but no apparently not. He won't give her a joint bank account and his bank account he's refusing to give passwords for so it's like he has something to hide or doesn't trust her.
She's looked after, child doesn't go without, but if she wanted something she has to ask for it. Well I snapped and said it's wrong. Why not a joint bank account and what did she mean by if she wants something, you know thinking she may mean luxury expensive things but she meant normal day to day things, anything not on a shopping list, tampons, toiletry items, well I was astounded. I got a bit angry and upset as I had no idea this had been going on and why the hell had she never told anyone what was going on, why didn't she get a job or leave or seek help or anything. She feels so trapped, nobody should need to ask for anything as I said when married they are a united force not separate entities. Why would you need to ask for money to buy tampons. Never heard anything so absurd. She was sobbing her little heart out and we both cried together, degrading her by asking for money for tampons is low and she said it's chipped away at her for years. I had not seen her this emotional in years.
I chatted to her the next day once sober to make sure it wasn't alcohol chat as she stopped at mine due to being so drunk (I live walking distance from town pubs n clubs) but yes all this time she's kept it a secret, ashamed of how it is but tried to defend her husband. I flipped and said he is treating her like a child begging for sweets or something, it's ridiculous. He won't let her work, the child benefit it paid into his bank account (which she has no access to), he said he earns enough so she doesn't need to work so won't let her. I said she has to get out of the relationship now as this is so wrong. She should not be treated like shit.
Now I'm interfering according to her she shouldn't have ever told me and promised me not to say a word to her family who live just doors away from me.
I said I need to tell them, it's illegal what he's doing, she said it isn't as he's her husband and she stormed out.
She won't talk to me and told me to butt out. I tried calling but she is ignoring me, I sent her a message saying to wake up to what he's doing, to report it to police or let her family know as it's not normal to treat a wife like a child and to try look for a way to leave him. she text me to tell me to stay away and never contact her n blocked me from all her SM accounts. I knocked on her family's door hours later but she had already gone home. I wanted to say something to them but I chickened out. Didn't know what to do at that point.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm really worried for her. Not sure what to do, she has me blocked and I'm in two minds to report this but not sure if it would be taken seriously or not. I've lost her as a friend and I probably didn't handle it at all well.