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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum needs to chill out?

51 replies

Dontbanthebooks · 07/09/2022 12:04

There is a school mum I ‘know’, not friends but she she has added all the other parents on social media. Kids have started year 6. Her first child into this year, but not mine. The year 6s have their own little library with some books aimed at older children.
This mum has taken to social media to declare her anger at finding a swear word in the book her child has brought home from the school library, announcing she will be talking to the school and demanding they remove it from circulation.
I remember my older one reading books that addressed all sorts of difficult themes, racism, homophobia, sexual abuse etc with the occasional swear word. All books aimed at older children and not in a place for the younger ones to pick out and nothing I ever thought was inappropriate.
I never remember any other parents raising it as an issue. This particular parent always has something to say about something, so maybe it’s caught my attention more than if someone else had said it.
I have to admit, I’m tempted to tell her to stop being so precious (I won’t, but I’m tempted) BUT also interested to find out the general consensus.
Do you think I’m reasonable to think her behaviour is ridiculous or aibu and other parents also think Yr 6 kids shouldn’t have access to these books?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 07/09/2022 12:09

year 6 is what 10/11?
depends on the swear word, fuck/cunt then maybe she has a point, crap/bollocks etc then its ridiculous

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 07/09/2022 12:11

Like they don't know all the swear words already at that age. They've heard it all in the playground!

Anyone who advocates for banning of books is a precious loon.

pigsDOfly · 07/09/2022 12:16

Might be helpful to know what the swear word is.

I once sent some children's poetry into one of my children's class for the teacher to read to the class.

One of the poems had the word 'bum' in it. The teacher refused to read it as she claimed it was rude.

Depends on your definition of swearing I suppose but I can't think that there are many swear words that the average 10/11 year old hasn't heard in the playground on a daily basis.

drkpl · 07/09/2022 12:17

My nearly 4 year old already knows most swear words…unfortunately. I blame the young uncle he adores, but I don’t care that much. Honestly, they’re going to get exposed to them at some point and shock, horror maybe even use them. Taboo language is a strange concept anyway.

Snugglemonkey · 07/09/2022 12:17

I think it is ridiculous, kids know swear words!

Doubledenimrocks · 07/09/2022 12:19

I would tell her she's being precious.

audweb · 07/09/2022 12:22

What age is year 6?

my kid in primary 6 who is ten, already has heard a lot of swear words. Mind you, the music we listen to has swear words, and she knows not to use them in every day life. I would say the mum is being precious, and I probably wouldn’t be able to stop myself from saying that!

Crunchymum · 07/09/2022 12:24

What book is it? That would help for context.

sonsmum · 07/09/2022 12:26

If she's like this in Y6, what will she be like in secondary school, when her Yr 7 will be exposed to a whole new vocabulary?! This Yr 6 reading could be viewed as preparation, and I doubt the words were that severe.
It is useful to be aware of the words, as they can't do anything about what words others use, but it doesn't mean they use them themselves in everyday language!

NotLactoseFree · 07/09/2022 12:27

She's being ridiculous and precious but I wouldn't get involved. Let her go and yell at the school if she wants to.

Unless you think the school might cave, in which case, feel free to say something because you want the book there.

Penguinfeather781 · 07/09/2022 12:28

Depends on the word, the context in which it’s used and the book.

But I always think these sorts of things are best addressed with a quiet chat with the class teacher rather than trying to stir up outrage over social media - so in that sense she’s completely unreasonable.

Sunnydaysunny · 07/09/2022 12:28

I can see both sides. She's entitled to her opinion.

Original poster
Dontbanthebooks · 07/09/2022 12:29

I didn’t want to give too much away but it’s a Malorie Blackman book and the word in question in this instance is ‘shit’ - not Noughts and Crosses, although they have that in the library as well. That would really get her knickers in a twist!!

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 07/09/2022 12:31

I liked pp's description of precious loon!
Our memorable moment in year 6 was when each child had to read a passage out of their current reading book. My ds had taken in his own, as he didn't really get anything out of the usual Biff and Chip offerings. The passage he read obviously contained the phrase "for fuck's sake". I don't think the precious loon mum would have liked me!

Mardyface · 07/09/2022 12:31

I don't know all Malorie Blackman's books but I'm prepared to bet I'd rather my Y6 kids read it with shit in - or even BECAUSE of the shit - than didn't read it at all.

sonsmum · 07/09/2022 12:34

hmmm not an ideal word but doubt her DC hasn't heard it before.
Maybe the solution is to invite the parents (and ask for others help) to read all of the books in this library and ask the school to put a parental warning/permission out on those books where any similar language is used. She represents one parent, there are others in the class. However as typing this, this just sounds ridiculous. I think there are other books that could be included that don't contain swear words, which should be the standard really. So maybe invite her to read all books in the library and take off those that don't meet the required criteria?!

Antarcticant · 07/09/2022 12:35

I don't think 'shit' is bad. It's not blasphemous or mysognistic or even sexual. We all shit, it's not pleasant, it's a reasonable word to express frustration etc.

Penguinfeather781 · 07/09/2022 12:35

Dontbanthebooks · 07/09/2022 12:29

I didn’t want to give too much away but it’s a Malorie Blackman book and the word in question in this instance is ‘shit’ - not Noughts and Crosses, although they have that in the library as well. That would really get her knickers in a twist!!

That’s just being ridiculously precious. There’s some sex related swear words I wouldn’t want my y6 reading in a school book but shit is barely even a swear word these days.

astoundedgoat · 07/09/2022 12:45

It's not COMPLETELY ideal. 10 is really very little to be reading "shit" in a book, unless it is strictly necessary (i.e. to convey an adult in a stressful situation, or a bully etc). It doesn't matter whether the word is brand new to them or not. Just because my children know the word "fuck" doesn't mean that it would be okay for me to say it in conversation with them.

My girls are voracious readers but I did complain to the school in Y6 about some of the books they had in the "restricted" section, such as The Fault In Our Stars which is simply not suitable for 10 year olds, so I have some sympathy for this Mum!

pigsDOfly · 07/09/2022 12:47

hmmm not an ideal word but doubt her DC hasn't heard it before.

Absolutely.

It's quite a strong word for some people and although, it wouldn't have bothered me with my children, I can fully understand why some people would find it a bit rich in a kids' book.

I'm not sure the mother concerned is being particularly 'precious' but it might have been more sensible to speak to the child's teacher if she has concerns about what her child is reading, rather than taking to social media.

Personally, I'd just let her get on with it without comment.

nutellachurro · 07/09/2022 12:48

She is definitely being precious and should be told to back down

Objectionhearsayspeculation · 07/09/2022 12:48

I think it's probably one of those things at that age they know all the sweat words anyway. My DH queried a passage my then 11 year old was reading which was quite "graphic" and what was I teaching her etc. Now he's very conservative and we are very much not but when he discovered it was The Diary of Ann Frank and not something "off the beaten track" he backed off, he'd probably faint if he heard all her music playlist.

10HailMarys · 07/09/2022 12:53

10 is really very little to be reading "shit" in a book

'Very little'? When I was 10 I'd started my periods and needed to wear a bra. Pretty sure I wasn't fazed by the word 'shit' in a book.

I think by the time I was in the equivalent of Y6 (it's fourth year juniors, right?) about half of the books I was reading in my own time weren't even books for children. I definitely read Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy in my last year at primary school, and all the James Herriott vet books, John Wyndham's science fiction, and loads of Agatha Christie and other murder mysteries.

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 07/09/2022 12:59

Don’t tell her about the dictionary

FourChimneys · 07/09/2022 13:03

Parents like that contribute to the reasons teachers leave the profession in droves.