To wonder if my driving instructor is right for me?

[Maxmayfield]

I've failed 4 tests in 10 years and just started again. I attempted suicide when I was a teenager by deliberately crashing a car at high speed, and that has made me extremely nervous going above 50mph or on country roads.

My driving instructor doesn't know about this as I'm worried it would freak me out. I've never told any of my instructors. I've been at test standard but collected many minors for hesitancy and had trouble with manoeuvres.

I am taking propranolol and using positive self-talk when going fast, and it is going OK.

My driving instructor is opposite to me in personality type and quite perfectionistic compared to previous instructors. For example, he wants me to steer the wheel a very specific way and will constantly pick at me if I do it any other way, and say I will feel more confident if I steer his way as it is more efficient. But it means he corrects me on this constantly and I start to make other mistakes due to distraction.

He will also offer criticism about a mistake while I'm still actively driving, whereas I'd prefer to discuss this pulled up at the side of the road. He does pause speaking if a roundabout or junction comes up tbf.

He makes kind of jokey comments a lot but they are critical in nature and I've had to be quite thick-skinned to not let these bother me. E.g "are we going to sit here all day/wait for everyone to leave this roundabout before we go?" Or "now that car behind you will be annoyed because you missed your gap"

Another issue is he grabs the wheel without warning sometimes (about once a lesson) and this makes me a bit on edge. He will also shout "GO GO GO!" if I don't accelerate away fast enough.

I am stuck on manoeuvres. He has a very set way of doing each manoeuvre that requires me to line the car up perfectly with specific reference points, but I am never exactly where he wants me to be, so he takes over, and consequently I have never successfully completed a manoeuvre without help, despite weekly lessons since January.

At one point last lesson he told me "I can't teach you basic spatial awareness" after he asked me if the car was straight and I said it looked straight to me. He kept saying "really? You really think that's straight?".

He turns up on time, plans lessons, makes smalltalk and gives praise appropriately so I don't want to paint him as being awful. I'd just like an outside opinion.

I really hate having lessons but assume that's normal given my history.

Sounds very stressful. Ive just been through getting my licence and it is very difficult to prepare for the test.

I'd try a different instructor if I were you. I think I'd be a bag of nerves with the behaviours you're describing and could be a waste of money if you aren't progressing because of the teaching methods. You need to be on the same page as the instructor.

Definitely change instructor.
I didn't realise how bad my first one was (for me, anyway) until I learned with someone else some years later.
(I think mine had some defects that applied to everyone - it eventually transpired that the reason I was not following his instructions to his satisfaction was that what he was calling 20 degrees, most of us call 45 degrees.)

I would change instructors lovely. I had a TERRIBLE instructor & swapped to a wonderful lady who gave me a fresh look on driving. Was much less nervous and passed first time with her after two fails with the other guy.

Would recommend finding a female instructor, not to be sexist but it just made me less nervous & may help you to. Good luck

I had a crap time learning until I changed instructors and then all of a sudden everything got easier.

Definitely change instructor.

Change instructors. Finding the right instructor made the difference for me. I’d had a series of chatterboxes and jokers, then I got one who was very calm and quiet and didn’t say anything unnecessary outside the chat at the beginning and end. I passed with him.

If you're not comfortable then try someone else. Having the right instructor is so important.

Just change instructor... Horses for courses.

I couldn't learn like that, I'd have to switch. Go easy on yourself though, I passed my 10th test. It was basically a bunch of 40 minute panic attacks. I could drive fine, not stall for months then an examiner gets in and it all goes to shit. Even now I drive better with no-one watching me.

Thanks everyone. How do I broach the topic of switching? I worry it'll be awkward.

I forgot to mention he cried a few tears once when I reverse bay parked (still with help) which I found sort of touching but now wonder if it was a bit weird.

I'd just say you're taking a break for financial reasons and then just contact a different instructor.

Just say the money has run out and you're taking a break.

We recently changed piano teacher as she was a nightmare.

Thanks. I've told him I need to take a break. He replied saying I'm really close and just need to polish my manoeuvres and I'll pass - quite confused by this because I've never managed an independent manoeuvre since we began in January.

You don't owe him any further explanation. Just find another instructor and move on.
Don't feel guilty for changing, you're paying to learn, you clearly don't gel together and will not be getting your money's worth
X

I'm also a bit annoyed that I told him yesterday but he insisted I pay for today. But there we go. Feels good to know I never have to get in that car again. Thanks everyone for your help. Onwards and upwards hopefully...

My fourth instructor was a woman who mostly taught middle aged or older women how to drive. She spent more time building confidence in driving than unnecessary micro managing. Of course older pupils tend to be more cautious than 18 year olds so the different approach worked well for me ( I was 38 with massive anxiety about driving). If you can find someone like that, then that could really help you.

I now drive everywhere with confidence.

You can do this, but you need a proper instructor that can help you. And think about telling your back story, that may help too.