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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to walk a different way to school

47 replies

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 09:27

My DS 5 and his best friend at school can be fairly silly together if they meet while walking to the school gates (which is most days).

They like to run ahead, be a bit noisy etc. I teach my son that this has to be within certain boundaries - not running where I can't see him/he can't see me, road safety, not annoying others etc., but he is free to have fun in the mornings.

However, DS' friend's mum shouts at DS for this behaviour, says comments really loudly for all to hear such as 'Don't start playing up just because HE'S here' etc. and has glared at me when they are being silly. She has convinced herself, I think, that my son is a bad influence and her son would be fine were they just kept separate. I know that this isn't true, but they do get excited around each other.

I have asked her what the issue is before and she just told me that she gets very stressed when her son is silly, and that she's not as 'patient' as me.

I did for a while change the way we walked to school so we could go in a different entrance or arrived later so we wouldn't meet, which worked but part of me feels I shouldn't have to do that.

What would you do?

OP posts:

CottonSock · 07/09/2022 18:36

Sounds annoying to me.

TrashPandas · 07/09/2022 18:37

Being loud, not keeping up or running ahead, running in circles around us once we are standing and waiting for school to open, toilet humour, might pick something up off the ground they shouldn’t, start play fighting, that sort of thing.

That all sounds really irritating. But since you don't have a problem with it, it's up to the other mum to keep her son away. Carry on as you are.

Ilovelindor · 07/09/2022 18:38

I'd carry on going that way. But make my kid hold my hand. Then when they complain, loudly say that it's because the other child isn't allowed to run off. You don't want to get him in to trouble.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 07/09/2022 18:45

From your last post I agree with the other mum, your son sounds like hard work. You should be teaching him not to pick random things up from the floor and what do you mean by "toilet humour?"

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 18:49

I’m not saying it isn’t annoying, it’s behaviour they only seem to exhibit when the pair are together. But I don’t think it’s annoying enough to keep them apart, I would be happy to just take control of the situation, but this does seem to need doing every time/they need the reminder etc. She chooses to say loudly things like “don’t play up because he’s here” or glare at me, that’s the part that’s causing anxiety. I do think I should arrive later or use a different entrance, but I just think why should I have to.

OP posts:

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 07/09/2022 18:49

I think it is up to the other mum to change her route or manage her child's as she is the one who has an issue with it.

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 18:53

CherieBabySpliffUp · 07/09/2022 18:45

From your last post I agree with the other mum, your son sounds like hard work. You should be teaching him not to pick random things up from the floor and what do you mean by "toilet humour?"

It’s the both of them, and of course he has been taught that. It’s just an example of behaviour that has happened. They are boundary pushing while they are together. Toilet humour is poo jokes etc, again just an example and not something that would happen every day

OP posts:

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 18:56

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 07/09/2022 18:49

I think it is up to the other mum to change her route or manage her child's as she is the one who has an issue with it.

I would agree, it’s just causing me anxiety so I may end up trying to avoid.

OP posts:

drinkfeck · 07/09/2022 18:57

You're okay with him play fighting. And basically being really annoying.

Okay well yeah I wouldn't want my kid around yours. Id get used to that response.

You say it's the pair of them. But the difference is you allow it (you said you let him have his fun in the mornings) and she doesn't. Kids can be idiots. But if I saw a parent not bothering to correct their child when they were being one I'd question that.

I had a parent/kid like this in reception. Kid used to start fights in the class room. Mum just said boys will be boys. Then tried to manipulate an invite to my sons party and indeed a lot of parties when parents decided they didn't want that kid around.

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 18:59

I definitely correct him, I just do it quietly and take him aside to do it. I don’t loudly proclaim that the other child is a bad influence and start to shout. I don’t allow it, I’m just not shaming anyone or making anyone feel guilty

OP posts:

drinkfeck · 07/09/2022 19:00

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 18:59

You said he's free to have fun in the mornings.

What does that mean.

NoSquirrels · 07/09/2022 19:02

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 18:59

Address your son’s behaviour directly.

Suggest the other mother does the same with her son, and stops blaming your child.

The ideal scenario here is that your son listens to you tell him not to behave in a way that is causing friction.

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 19:02

He isn’t that child at all, it’s just this one child he seems to behave like that around. And vice versa for the other boy apparently. Me going a different way would solve the entire situation but that would mainly be to avoid her. I don’t mind correcting my son every day if I need to, without resorting to the unpleasant words and shouting.

OP posts:

RavenT · 07/09/2022 19:05

Walk a different way.
Been there, done that, got the t shirt!

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 19:14

drinkfeck · 07/09/2022 19:00

You said he's free to have fun in the mornings.

What does that mean.

Show quote history

When he sees his friend, he’s allowed to get excitable and laugh and joke, play with his friend. Any hint of excitement and she shuts it down straight away. I have asked my son to help the other boy be sensible as his mum doesn’t like the silliness and if my DS tries to do that, the other resorts to more and more behaviour like squeezing my DS’s cheeks or grabbing him or something. I think we are just going to have to go a different way.

OP posts:

drinkfeck · 07/09/2022 19:23

It sounds like six of one half a dozen of the other to be honest

Can't imagine why you'd be okay with this.

Take the other road. It's not worth the drama.

Original poster

Lowtidelooter · 07/09/2022 19:27

drinkfeck · 07/09/2022 19:23

It sounds like six of one half a dozen of the other to be honest

Can't imagine why you'd be okay with this.

Take the other road. It's not worth the drama.

Yeah I was doing that last term. It was just a change in my routine, slightly more annoying route, and I didn’t like that I felt I had to. But it’s for my own comfort and peace of mind I guess

OP posts:

HildasHat · 07/09/2022 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Arenanewbie · 08/09/2022 01:02

Actually the silliness you described sounds a bit annoying. And you don’t know what happens afterwards, her son might repeating these toilet jokes non stop at home. He might be not as good as your son at recognizing what appropriate when.
It feels like you are ok with their behaviour but the other parent wants you to do something hence making comments. I wouldn’t go different way but I would try to calm them down a bit if you want to stay friends with this family. .

phishy · 08/09/2022 02:24

Don’t change your route.

Explain to your son that the mum has different rules and he can play with his friend at school.

If the other child gets silly with your ds, tell his mum that she needs to control her child if she doesn’t want the boys to play.

ReginaGeorgeIsAFuglySlut · 08/09/2022 04:26

BadNomad · 07/09/2022 14:04

I don't see the issue. She doesn't want her son behaving like that and tells him to stop. You're fine with your son behaving like that. Neither is right or wrong. It's just different standards and boundaries. You don't need to change your route. She can go a different way if she feels like she is unable to control her child around yours.

This exactly. It is a non event and neither one of you is right or wrong. She can parent how she chooses as can you. Either one of you can make the choice to walk a different way if you feel the others parenting is affecting your own. Don't feel like you have to compromise on it if you don't want to though.

MiddleParking · 08/09/2022 06:53

If the kids are a total pain in the arse together and she’s outwardly disapproving and you’re not, I can understand why she gets frustrated and makes pointed comments. I don’t think it’s her responsibility to change her walking route in this scenario.

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