Help for school refuser

[schoolissues1234]

Does anyone have any tip for getting 12 year old DS to school. We have started the ball rolling by contacting gp and counsellors etc. School can only offer support when he’s though the doors. He’s been unable to go for a week due to crippling anxiety.
anyone been through similar and made it through the other side?
thanks.

DD missed all y11 in the pandemic due to anxiety & depression.
Get a CAMHS referral, but don't hold your breath.
If you can afford it, some private counselling.
Be firm with the school, he isn't truanting, he is ill.

If it is lunch and toilets then maybe try just 2 lessons per day (or 1). Or do they have an 'internal exclusion' area he could attend just for the peace and quiet an get him back to going in.

And everything Janet said.

Yeh I’m asking for school for reduced timetable, although getting him in for that feels quite a lot at the moment!

DM me if you want. I work in this field and have stuff I can send you that have been developed and trialled by a local LA. It's very good

When we had this we started with very, very small steps. i.e. driving to the school - but just to sit outside in the car. We went in own clothes and at a quiet time, not school start time. Then we drove home and had some nice tea. We did this a few times and sometimes we would talk, about school stuff - but only stuff in the past, no plans for the future and nothing they had to commit to. Kept it all very calm and low key. We worked up to the idea of visiting the school out of school hours, when there were no other children there.
Severe anxiety is massively debilitating. I wouldn't be terribly impressed by a school that said they could only offer help when he was through the doors. I would definitely be hoping they could be a bit more supportive than that.

You might find some of this helpful?
documents.hants.gov.uk/childrens-services/EBSA-good-practice-guidance.pdf

The school have agreed to mornings. Still not sure how to get him in for those though!

Just an update on this as we are on week three and no progress made. Apart from his own general anxiety seems reduced which is good (although any talk of school sets him off). We’ve managed a referal to counsellor but I don’t even know how to get him to this as he’s unable to due to his crippling anxiety. We are all shattered

My daughter missed all of y10 & y11 .. still came out with 5 GCSEs.

Things I wish I had known….
…. relax, you can’t force anything
… you can’t solve all this, there are professionals around who can do that
… let him know he is loved, and you are on his side
…education is life long, you can take exams at any age
…this is not an easy journey, two steps forward, three steps back
… you are not to blame
… keep pecking at CAMHS
… you can apply for an EHCP before any sort of diagnosis has taken place
… take the pressure out
… let go, let him make his own decisions

I could add a few more !!

DD is with CAMHS, and they think she has high-functioning Autism (I am aware “high functioning” is a nonsense comment). Passed her 5 GCSEs, got a college place, won’t go.. and applying for jobs - I’m letting her crack on with it.

thank you x

Moving schools without additional support in place could be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, and another failed placement would have a further negative effect on DS’s MH.

If DS can’t attend school full time the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative education. This should begin when it becomes clear 15 days will be missed, the days don’t need to have already been missed or be consecutive.

In addition to this apply for an EHCNA. IPSEA have a model letter you can use. The benefit of this is it can include assessments without having to sit on the waiting lists. And an EHCP can provide therapies without waiting too.

One thing to be aware of is a reduced timetable should only be used short term with the aim of reintegration. It shouldn’t be used long term without other provision alongside.