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AIBU?

Don't want my dc's dad involved in her life

7 replies

newmum105 · 06/09/2022 22:25

For various reasons, I have separated from my child's dad. He made my pregnancy hell and even tried to manipulate me into an abortion. I refused and was subsequently blocked for a while. He did come around to the pregnancy after a while but was completely unreasonable and made ridiculous demands such as wanting the baby to be named after him (even though she's a girl!), dictating what pain relief I should have in labour, policing what I drank/ate and the list goes on.

My dd is only 7 weeks old and I'm finding it extremely hard to coparent. He sees the baby once a week and every time he is here, he inspects every inch of her and gives me a lecture if he sees something he doesn't like - last week dd had scratched herself in her sleep and had a small cut on her face and he made me feel like a neglectful mum and ranted on for ages about how I should never have let that happen. He also wasn't very happy about the fact the baby had mild nappy rash. When I told him nappy rash is something a lot of babies get, he told me I was talking rubbish.

He is always making constant demands e.g. what products to use on the baby, how many times a day I should bathe her (I bathe her once a day and he wants me to do it twice). He also wants to know where I am everyday and gets annoyed if he can't see the baby because I'm busy. A few days ago he called asking to see the baby and I said he couldn't because I was at a family meal. He replied with "why haven't you told me you were going out? I need to know where you are with my child at all times".

If all that wasn't bad enough, he hasn't actually bought a single thing for the baby and hasn't given me any money. We are constantly arguing as I refuse to give in to his demands and tbh I just don't want anything to do with him and would find things easier without him. I just feel like such a bad mum that I don't want him involved in our daughters life because he makes my life hell and I can't see a way forward. I won't stop contact as I want to give my dd the opportunity to have a father/daughter relationship with her dad but AIBU for having these feelings of not wanting him involved?

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 06/09/2022 22:33

He could go to court for contact, and apply for cms don’t know why you haven’t ?

Jedsnewstar · 06/09/2022 22:36

He’s an abusive arsehole and is trying to continue to control you through your child.

You are not a bad mum this is abuse talking.

Contact womens aid. You need some proper advice.

Fraaahnces · 06/09/2022 22:41

I wouldn’t let him in the house if he isn’t paying any CM. He can take his opinions and shove it. In fact, if I were you, I’d move and block him.

Brigante9 · 06/09/2022 22:46

Tell him to go to court for contact. He is manipulating you. Just repeat that your hv/midwife is very happy with what you’re doing and tell him to piss off. If he wants you to use different products, how about he buys you them?

FarmerRefuted · 06/09/2022 22:47

Agree with contacting Women's Aid for advice on safely cutting him out of your life. If he continues to harass you, report it to the police and look at obtaining a non-molestation order, there's no fee for it and you can start the application online.

www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation

Keep copies of any abusive, threatening, or demanding messages or voicemails he sends you. Record dates and times when he drops by unannounced (don't let him in when he does so and if he tries to force entry, call 999).

If he wants contact then let him apply to the court to formalise the arrangement.

In the meantime, contact CMS and start a claim for maintenance.

staceyflack · 06/09/2022 22:47

Please share all of this with your health visitor.... they can put you in touch with the right services.... you urgently need support. He sounds awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this at such a vulnerable time in your life. Congratulations on your daughter... 💐

stopitleaveitgetdown · 06/09/2022 22:47

I got pregnant for a long time bootycall. I didn't know him to well before that it was just sex. Anyway contraception failed and I got pregnant and I didn't tell him until she was born. He was fine once I told him but whenever he came to see her he stank of alcohol and kept trying to grope me when I was BF. I told him to stop and not to come here drunk again - he came here DRUNK again. He also didn't offer to help me financially. I blocked him and I raise DD alone. It's hard but I don't have any stress of him being around and a pain in my ass.

You can do it OP. He's not going to change

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