To say enough is enough

[womanontheedge2022]

I am at my wits end and term hasn’t even started! My DD is 14 and in a super selective school, very bright. She has never been happy there and there have been many instances of bullying. The pastoral care is rubbish and really they have done very little to help her.

Towards the end of last year she made a friend, this was a big deal as she had up until then spent most of the time alone. All seemed to be going well but then all of a sudden the girl told her that they were no longer friends as DD had been saying nasty things about her. This was absolutely untrue as DD didn’t ever speak to anyone else. At the time I suspected sabotage by a previous bully but this was dismissed by the school.

We have considered moving her but given that it is such a good school and she is so bright we have been reluctant.

DD has not seen anyone from school over the summer but does a fairly niche activity that began today. The former friend has randomly appeared at the activity in spite of not showing any prior interest at all or ever mentioning it.

DD was surprised and felt very odd and upset about it all. Obviously the girl is free to do whatever she wants but it all seems a bit strange and intrusive.

So 2 AIBU Mumsnet please. 1. AIBU to find this odd and a bit like stalking and 2. Should I say enough is enough and look for another school? Opinions gratefully received!

I think the activity being far away is neither hear nor there. If it’s niche, then that’ll be the only choice. If she’d joined a 10 a Penny football club miles away - that might raise eyebrows.

I can see why you’ve considered a new school, but if she likes this activity and can’t do it anywhere else close enough, don’t take that away from her. School is the issue, not the club - decide on school.

I expect there’s no bullying motive in the joining the club - she’s just heard of it because of your daughter and fancied it. She might not even last at it - Y9s can change their minds quickly!

I definitely suggest looking into weekly boarding at better schools. Just because your daughter looks at them, doesn’t mean she has to go. Just knowing that there are other options can help you grit your teeth and feel less stuck if you decide to stay.

A lot of kids change private for sixth - maybe get her looking at the best sixths for this long term plan of hers, and consider transferring there.

If it's such a good school as you say, what's being done about the bullying OP? Going all the way through secondary school with no friends it's so sad, and quite uncommon. Is your DD confident to try and make friends?
Does she literally have zero friends? It just seems so sad for her.