To ask how you would have handled this scenario?

[EbbyEbs]

I’m diagnosed autistic, I’m also a huge introvert with social anxiety. I don’t do well in social interactions as you can imagine.

So imagine the scene … you walk into a small play park mid afternoon. the sky is black and thunderstorms are forecast. It’s deserted apart from a woman sat cradling/trying to breast feed a screaming baby. Woman appears to be crying.

You also have a toddler with you. It starts to rain, woman continues sitting in the rain with the well wrapped up baby.

How would you have acted?

Approached her? What would you say? Would you have given her privacy and left her alone?

I’d probably have asked her if she was okay, but when I was younger, I probably wouldn’t have, then would have spent ages wishing I had.

I would have spoken to her I think. I would have asked her if she was ok or whether she wanted me to call anyone. If she'd been sitting undercover and seemed content, I wouldn't have. But crying and continuing to sit in the rain is alarming.

I'd have asked if she wanted any help.

I would also have felt quite awkward, but have asked just the same

I would have asked her if she was OK.

I think these days I would have asked her if she was ok, or maybe offered to help her get into a cafe or something out of the rain. I might awkwardly suggest somewhere more sheltered. But if she didn’t respond I’d probably scuttle off.
Before I had kids I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have any idea what to say and would have just left her alone.

I’d have spoken to her, made some inane comment about how it’s tough when they’re tiny and asked if she was okay, if there was anything I could help with. That sort of thing.

I’d have asked if she was ok but wouldn’t judge someone if they didn’t

This

I would've asked if she was ok but then again I'm not autistic, an introvert or anxious.

How did you handle it OP?

I stayed for a while as my own toddler was playing (yes, in the rain) and the woman received a call in which she was clearly distressed saying things like “I don’t know what you expect me to do, all I hear is screaming day in and day out” and then “yeah I know you have to go to work, you tell me this every day” etc

I wanted to go and ask if she was ok but I just couldn’t muster up the confidence. Now I can’t stop thinking about her and hope she’s ok 😞 just wish I’d have said something but I don’t know what

It’s sad that this is even a question. Of course I would have spoken to her, I wouldn’t even have had to think about it.

"How can I help?", that seems to be the best opener... I work in a little pharmacy and often need a phrase to start a difficult conversation when people are obviously distressed.

I have social anxiety and yes you may think it's sad but these are the sort of social interactions I struggle with day in day out

Good for you.

It’s sad that you clearly don’t have any empathy for the OP though eh.

That was to phishy

Try not to overthink it op. In hindsight I would have said alot of things but didn't in the moment. Maybe just be a bit braver if a similar situation comes up again. You can't change what you didn't do, but you can handle a situation differently in the future. This is coming from someone who goes over situations in my head constantly and how i could have done better.

Poor woman. You may see her there again and feel you can speak to her.

Then presumably you don’t have autism and crippling social anxiety?

I think it’s a good thing tbh. I don’t think we need a world full of people to stop and check in on everyone at every occasion

If I was very upset like this woman was I wouldn’t want an endless procession of people asking if I was ok. One or two is nice, more than that is really intrusive.

I think I probably would have asked if she was OK or needed any help - and as you're a mum yourself (which I'm not) you probably would have had a good understanding of what it's like to be struggling and feeling low while dealing with a screaming newborn every day. I think most mums have experienced that on some level, right?

But I can also understand why you felt awkward and weren't sure what to do. I'm not autistic and I wouldn't say I had a full-on social phobia, but I do find it extremely hard to talk to strangers and I'm also massively wary of appearing intrusive (probably because I find other people a bit intrusive towards me sometimes) so sometimes find myself saying nothing even though I actually want to help. So I completely see why you found the situation uncertain, and I think some PPs are failing to understand what it's like to be terrified of this sort of stuff. I'm sure if you had spoken to her, you'd have been great with her - but don't feel bad about not feeling you could quite manage it on this occasion.

I'd have approached her and asked if she was ok.

In fact I have done in similar circs a few years back when on Mat leave with my second child. Mum sat in tears at the park, her child was just playing by themselves no one else around.

I would certainly have spoken to her and tried to help but I am very confident and speak to strangers all the time.
I know not everyone could have so dont beat yourself up about it @EbbyEbs

I would have asked her if she was ok. I have severe anxiety and depression and most days struggle to function myself but if i saw a woman in the park crying with a baby, i would ask her if she's ok because I've been that woman and nobody asked me if i was ok.

Honestly OP don't feel bad, there isn't a right or wrong answer in this scenario. She might have been thankful for someone asking if she's okay, but similarly it might have made her really uncomfortable and she might have hated it- no one knows. Generally I suspect most people would have asked if she was alright but I doubt she judged you for not, probably hasn't thought about it tbh.

I'm autistic, socially anxious and introverted. I'd have sat there wondering about talking to her, gone over a thousand ways it could play out in my head, maybe got up and wandered a bit, hovered, contemplated, felt bad for not talking to her and probably eventually left. I'd have then gone over and over it, beating myself up for being fucking useless, hoped she was okay, wished I could be better and carried on that cycle for ages.
It's crap but you can only do your best at a given time. And if your best isn't as good as phishy the wonder twat's above then so be it.