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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this baby shower

19 replies

notonl · 06/09/2022 19:36

Been invited to a baby shower and plans were announced today that it's at a venue where you have to cover your own food at £15/head. DD3 is invited and would need to come with me, and seemingly no concession price for child. Not overly keen on paying £15 for me but to pay £14 for her to pick like a bird is ridiculous, in addition to a present (which of course according to the invite is 'not required' but we all know it's expected). It's an old school friend, usually meet up once a year so not overly close, and would be 1.5 hrs in the car each way. Invite has been organised by a friend of hers, no one I know personally.

I had provisionally said I would attend (before these updates were announced)- happy to celebrate the baby and take a gift, but... but since this update with prices AIBU to pull out, and would you be honest about the reason or make generic excuse?

OP posts:
Original poster
notonl · 06/09/2022 19:37

Sorry, £14 should be £15

OP posts:
balalake · 06/09/2022 19:37

It's a baby shower. Even if it was free, enough reason not to go. You have even more reasons, please decline asap.

Original poster
notonl · 06/09/2022 19:39

I don't mind a baby shower!
Had one myself (prepares for enslaught)... but put out the scones and sandwiches myself at least 😂

OP posts:
FizzyFucker · 06/09/2022 19:39

Generic excuse and don't go, wild horses couldn't drag me to an event like that.

FatCatSkinnyRat · 06/09/2022 19:39

Yes, zzzz. So boring. Especially the tedium of sitting around watching gift opening.

Shinytaps · 06/09/2022 19:39

I wouldn’t go, sounds like a massive hassle. I’d just make an excuse though I think. Explain something has come up or you’ve double booked. I’m not keen on the baby shower thing generally though. If you can afford it, I would suggest sending a pressie in the post or something and a nice card.

Leeds2 · 06/09/2022 19:40

I would decline immediately, and think no more about it. Just don't umm and ah until the day before, when you will look bad for turning down the invitation so late.

Oojamaflipp · 06/09/2022 19:42

God, have people not learned to NEVER mention baby showers on MN - cue an onslaught of snobby comments about how tacky they are, and you would never drag them to a baby shower etc. Shock horror someone might actually do things differently.

Anyhow... OP, in that situation I would probably explain it's too expensive - how old is your DD and why has she been invited? (I'm assuming baby, but is there no one else you could leave her with?)

phishy · 06/09/2022 19:43

I like baby showers but like fuck would I go to this one. They are getting presents so should provide the food and soft drinks.

And then driving 3 hours? Hoe much is that in petrol, £15?

rosiebl · 06/09/2022 19:45

Nice card and gift in the post. Decline the invite with an 'apologies we cannot make it'.

Original poster
notonl · 06/09/2022 19:47

phishy · 06/09/2022 19:43

I like baby showers but like fuck would I go to this one. They are getting presents so should provide the food and soft drinks.

And then driving 3 hours? Hoe much is that in petrol, £15?

Yeah this is how I feel.

For PP- DD3... and yes I could leave her but work I full time so not keen to leave her for nearly a whole weekend day just because I'm going to a (borderline) CF baby shower where they want £15 to feed her 2 quarters of sandwich- would rather miss the baby shower!

Thanks everyone for confirming I'm not just a misery guts Grin

OP posts:
loudlylikealion · 06/09/2022 19:48

Just say you can't make it any more.

SunshineClouds1 · 06/09/2022 19:48

I like a baby shower too but it's the drive that puts me off tbh. Couldn't be arsed to drive for 3 hours

GreenManalishi · 06/09/2022 19:51

Sod that. Generic excuse, a nice card and maybe a voucher or something.

yetimum1 · 06/09/2022 19:55

I like baby showers (didn’t want one myself but was thrown one by family) but I wouldn’t expect to have to pay for what will essentially be a buffet. For £15 a head I’d be expecting a meal!

My baby shower venue also charged per head but the cost was covered by the organisers. I wouldn’t attend an engagement party/christening etc and expect to pay.

I would just say something has come up and you’ll no longer be able to attend but send a card and nice gift or voucher to mum-to-be and not think too much about it. It’s a ridiculous expense to pay in these times. Sounds like the organisers have booked somewhere fancy and are trying to cover costs.. sorry but no, book somewhere more affordable if you can’t afford. Guests are already paying for travel and a gift.

Surtsey · 06/09/2022 19:57

I've been to one baby shower. It was next door, and everybody sat around eating cake and giggling. I handed over a gift, stayed about half an hour, and that was that.

That's plenty imho, no need for a 3-hour round trip and having to pay shedloads for afternoon tea.

DappledThings · 06/09/2022 20:08

I could leave her but work I full time so not keen to leave her for nearly a whole weekend day just because I'm going to a (borderline) CF baby shower
There's nothing borderline about it. Inviting people to a baby shower and then asking them to pay for themselves is gold-plated CFery.

Loics · 06/09/2022 20:11

I agree that you don't need an excuse to not go to a baby shower in any case! But YANBU. Expecting people to bring gifts to a baby shower is cheeky, expecting them to also pay for it is awful!

Pippa12 · 06/09/2022 20:40

I love baby showers, hen parties, destination weddings… don’t mind paying for them as I really enjoy social events and all the joy that comes with them.

Its an invite tho not a summons, if you don’t fancy it just decline. I don’t get all the negativity that surrounds these happy events.

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