Head bump - playdate - let the parents know?

[Malara]

Hi all,

My partner invited a brother and sister over to play after school with my kids. The sister is 3 years old. She bumped her head - big swollen bruise near her temple beside her eye.

I come downstairs and my partner is sitting with her on the sofa reading a book. No ice, no Arnica, no thing. It's meant to be another 45m before her father comes to collect her.

I ask about the ice, my partner says we have nothing - I go find some frozen peas pretty quickly. I ask about the Arnica, my partner says the parents can put that on if they want - but then he says he wont' tell the parents because she's fine.

I say it looks like a bad bump and that we should let them know, so they can decide. I ask her if she wants to go home and when she says yes, my partner gets annoyed and starts asking her why.

I say if he won't call her parents, I will. He starts shouting at me for being controlling.

Seriously? Am I being unreasonable here??

Of course they must be there told! What if something happens later?!

when she says yes, my partner gets annoyed and starts asking her why.

He's annoyed and questioning a 3yo who wants to go home because she's hurt herself? What a fucking prince among men you've got for yourself there, OP.

They need to be told.

Is your partner used to caring for small children? He sounds pretty useless/lacking in patience if he's interrogating an upset 3yo.

This in bucketloads. Of course he should call them. It should be their choice as to whether they collect their injured 3 year old who's asking to go home. Wtf is he thinking?

The way your partner has acted is seriously weird and concerning.

Jesus Christ is he always so manipulative and neglectful? If I was the little girl’s parent, I’d consider calling social services if my child got hurt and the alleged adult who was supposed to be looking after her didn’t give a fuck because I would worry that he was worse with his own child. I certainly wouldn’t let her play with that child again.

Definitely. Partner is fool. Concussion is a possibility so if course you must tell them.

Yep they need told.

I wouldn't want to leave my kids with him if he wasn't to say they've had a bump tbh

😳 why does he want to keep it a secret? How did it happen?

Surely her parents will notice the bump!

Thanks all. Yes, he acts very weirdly around illnesses, which is no fun when you're looking after small kids and have to be careful.

He told the father when he arrived but I watched them both play it down like it was nothing. God forbid they show some concern to the young child!

Of course you let them know! Your husband’s attitude towards honesty is completely screwed.

Yes he was wrong, but on reflection it’s probably how he was treated as a boy. We have this culture where boys are told to “walk it off” and “chin up” and “don’t cry, it doesn’t hurt that bad” and “it’s nothing, you’ll be fine”. Boys getting bumps and scraps are told this all the time. So he probably (wrongly) thinks that’s how you handle it.

Tbf she was perfectly happy until OP interfered.

YOU need to advocate for this very small child because your partner sure as hell isn't going to help her! YOU need to take the responsibility of informing her parents properly, not just downplaying it like you've said your partner and the father did. And then you need to dump him! I hope you don't have children together. Serious red flags here.

This is the strangest part IMO.

Glad you told the father OP, it was the right thing to do.

Really. She bumped her head, was calmly reading a book with your partner so it clearly didn't hurt that much, and there was less than an hour before she was going to be collected? I think you overreacted. There is no suggestion that he was trying to hide it from the parents, he just didn't think they needed to be informed before they picked her up. I wouldn't have a problem with that if I was the girls parent.

I ask about the Arnica, my partner says the parents can put that on if they want - but then he says he wont' tell the parents because she's fine.

He literally said he won't tell the parents, which is the definition of trying to hide it? No suggestion needed.

My 12 yo fell off a sofa backwards. Didn't tell me as she (probably rightly so!) thought I would be cross she was arsing around on someone's furniture!! The dps didn't tell me either and we ended up in A&E with a concussion - for 6 hours for obs...

She was sitting there looking quite dazed actually. And she's a very quiet, docile 3 year old. She only started speaking recently.

I talk to the girl in French. It's her second language and my partner doesn't speak French very well (and with a strong accent) so that's why I asked her if she wanted to go home - I knew my partner wouldn't have been able to ask her that, or if she was OK because she might not have undestood him.