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AIBU?

Nursery settling in dilemma

10 replies

Rainbows555 · 06/09/2022 16:40

Ds is 2.5 and started nursery. When I picked him up 2.5 hours later at least 4 toddlers were still sobbing hysterically and begging for their mama. Some of the other toddlers were getting grizzly and starting to get tearful too, as they watched those peers. Am I right to wonder why they didn’t call the parents of the genuinely distraught toddlers sooner if they had been like for ages ? Staff saw me and were like “ahh umm this is TOTALLY normal, it is ok”. I could see they were stressed but trying .

As I left I realised it’s not only so sad and stressful for those poor kids if they were stressed for that long (maybe they had been dropped later or there’s another explanation) but it’s also stressful for the other toddlers who are trying to settle.

Ds apparently cried for a bit then was “great”. When I went he was quietly in corner, just kind of observing things and doing own thing.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to want to reassurance that my child won’t be sitting in a classroom in that environment for maybe a few weeks or at least a week? Am I overthinking it ? I don’t want to come across as an interfering parent to the staff who will probably think I’m being precious or not trusting them. They informed me before that they always ring if a child won’t settle but what I saw, I was taken back that some parents hadn’t already been called. maybe it’s the first term back so it takes a while to get back into things for staff too?

OP posts:
Mumspair1 · 06/09/2022 16:42

How do you know the parents were not called ?

Notimeforaname · 06/09/2022 16:45

Worked in a nursery for a time. Babies cry a lot. No parent was ever called because their child was crying. Sick, yes. Tearful, no.
Parents on the settling in days would be distraught, asking us if this was normal. It is.

Skinnydecafflatte · 06/09/2022 16:45

I’ve just come from working the first day at our preschool. We had four new ones between the ages of 2-3 in our room. One came in quietly and was absolutely fine, two came in crying and one cried when his parents left. The two that were crying also left crying but they did settle and enjoy playing for a while (3 hour session). The ones that were upset were looked after, cuddled and included in everything. It may seem to the parents that they hated every moment but I can honestly say that they did enjoy some parts and this is normal and they do get used to it amazingly quickly. Please don’t worry xx

TeddyBeans · 06/09/2022 16:45

It could be that the kids that were crying were waiting for their parents to turn up and not being picked up before their friend upset them. Kids at 2.5 don't tend to play together so your DS playing by himself isn't anything to worry about. My DS4 regularly played alone at nursery and I'll suspect he'll do the same at school tomorrow. I wouldn't worry just yet

Gotobloodysleep · 06/09/2022 16:47

Has everyone just started and settling at the same time? If this is the case then the first few weeks can be a bit like this. In places that I have worked parents are usually notified and kept up to date with their child's progress. And with a lot of children, the upset for 5 mins and then fine is completely normal. Give it a couple of weeks and you should start to see things settling dow.

lanthanum · 06/09/2022 16:48

Do you know they were crying all morning? The first time I left my daughter in a creche, she was fine until parents started arriving to collect, and then she burst into tears because she thought I wasn't coming. They might have been fine for the middle part of the morning.

Rainbows555 · 06/09/2022 16:55

@Notimeforaname for how long do you let them cry without phoning parents? What if it’s like 4-5 kids in the same class sobbing for over an hour? I personally would not be okay with my child being distraught for that long and not being informed immediately after settling and comfort attempts were made. It’s also unsettling for the other toddlers who are trying to settle ? Thanks for your response though !

OP posts:
Rainbows555 · 06/09/2022 16:59

@Gotobloodysleep yes all settling at same time. Yes I expect tears during separation or even up to half an hour or so after but not the whole morning . I had been watching a while so it wasn’t a case of those kids seeing their parents and being set off. In fact, finishing time was much later for them, I had to pick up DD a bit earlier . But thanks for reassurement, maybe I should wait it out a bit and see how things go :)

OP posts:
Rainbows555 · 06/09/2022 17:01

@Skinnydecafflatte thank you, that’s great to hear :)

OP posts:
Ihavekids · 06/09/2022 17:52

Well I guess it's up to you to decide how long you'd be happy to let your own child cry without being called, then let staff know. I'd not expect to be called about crying ever. Kids protest a transition, it's right and understandable. If they were still crying for hours and hours after a few weeks I'd take them out of nursery and assume they are not ready yet.

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