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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep dd off school with a bleeding scalp?

27 replies

SewhereIam · 06/09/2022 10:56

Dd had an accident at school yesterday. She was hit on the head with a toy and it split the skin, bled a lot and we ended up in minor injuries. It isn't a big cut but they couldn't glue it and so it opened up again in the night.

I kept her off today as it is still weeping, and I would prefer it to have a scab on before she goes back in (year 1, reception and nursery in together so lots of sand etc that could get in it) and school said that was fine.

Her father has hit the roof, 1. For picking her up from school early yesterday (school called me and asked me to pick her up immediately), and 2. For keeping her off today. He cannot believe that it hasn't scabbed over yet and she is in danger of "being kicked out of school for attendance". He also wants a copy of the accident form today because he cancelled his job centre appointment when I called him and will get sanctioned without it apparently (he didn't come to see her, just cancelled his appointment).

Am currently boiling with rage after the phonecall so probably am BU. Would you keep your child off in this situation?

OP posts:

Porcupineintherough · 06/09/2022 10:59

Honestly, probably not but I don't think it's particularly strange that you did, we don't all parent identically. Ignore him, it was your call.

Unicorn717 · 06/09/2022 11:00

I probably would have sent them to school if they were feeling okay, the teacher would have rang if needed but it's your choice.

Slopey · 06/09/2022 11:12

Even if 70% or 90% of people say they'd send her in, that doesn't mean you are wrong to err on the safe side and keep her home. I think this is one of those cases where either decision is fine. Hitting the roof is an entirely inappropriate response.

She needs a parent who shows up and has her back a lot more than she needs to be in school for this one day.

GettingOrganisedNow · 06/09/2022 11:12

I think at that age I'd have kept them off for a day too, as you say, there's loads of sand and stuff being flung about at that age and it's not worth risking an infection. It's not like you can just stick a plaster on. I'd also suspect that a child with an open wound would be sent home fairly quickly.

Sceptre86 · 06/09/2022 11:12

I would have kept them off for the sake reasons you have suggested. Plus if they noticed it was still weeping they would have called you to collect her anyway. Considering he's out of work he should be focusing his energies on looking for a job rather than worrying about his dd's attendance. Quite frankly he's an idiot. I can't believe he didn't come and see his dd but instead used her as a get out clause for an appointment. You have my sympathies having to deal with him.

MercurialMonday · 06/09/2022 11:13

Head wounds do bleed a lot so keeping her home till it's scabbed isn't that odd IMO - though I may have sent in depending on how child felt and being able to pick up later so I don't think either approach is wrong.

As for the rest I'd probably ignore - if he wants a copy of the accident report he can contact the school himself.

SpringSparrow · 06/09/2022 11:18

The school has said it’s fine! The problem is her father and his reactions. Why did he cancel his job centre appointment and not even go with you to the hospital? It sounds like an excuse to me. Is he your Ex?

Original poster

SewhereIam · 06/09/2022 11:18

Thank you all so much. I was so shocked that I wasn't sure what I should have done.

OP posts:

mamabear715 · 06/09/2022 11:19

Yes, personally I would have kept her off. Could dickhead father go in her place?

TokyoSushi · 06/09/2022 11:23

At that age I would have kept her off, school aren't going to want to be dealing with a bleeding scalp anyway.

Her father's reaction is very odd, but I suspect that there might be other issues...?

Original poster

SewhereIam · 06/09/2022 11:24

He has just informed me that he has called the headmaster, told them she is fine and they want her to come in immediately. He is an ex, yes. I'm now even more fuming!

OP posts:

nutellachurro · 06/09/2022 11:26

I'd have sent mine in with a cut (and have)

But that doesn't mean your ex isn't being a prick about it

Unicorn717 · 06/09/2022 11:27

Is he normally this over the top about things?

Original poster

SewhereIam · 06/09/2022 11:29

@Unicorn717 , he can be, and at other times he couldn't give a hoot. It depends on whether it makes him look like the big I Am.

OP posts:

FlibbertyGiblets · 06/09/2022 11:29

Oh well telling him of any further accidents or incidents might slip your mind, oh dear, oopsie.

EmmiJay · 06/09/2022 11:31

Your ex is a dickhead. Sorry. Don't send your daughter in I say. Let the ex spin, stamp his feet and hiss all he wants!

diddl · 06/09/2022 11:34

SewhereIam · 06/09/2022 11:24

He has just informed me that he has called the headmaster, told them she is fine and they want her to come in immediately. He is an ex, yes. I'm now even more fuming!

Do you even believe that?

Well f he wants her in it's surely up to hm to take her in?

What a twat!

Choconuttolata · 06/09/2022 11:35

Take her in, show them the cut and let them decide if they are happy to have her, that way you cover yourself with the school seeing as he has forced your hand.

I personally wouldn't have kept mine off, school could have called you if they needed her picked up again, but you made the judgment call as her parent and school know what happened yesterday, they are careful around head injuries.

Your ex is being an idiot, he hasn't even seen his child face to face to make that call. Sounds more about him wanting to not go to his jobcentre appointment and use his child as an excuse.

Original poster

SewhereIam · 06/09/2022 11:38

@diddl , he has called, I called to confirm it and he had. I'm taking her in after lunch as @Choconuttolata suggested xx

OP posts:

barelyfunctional · 06/09/2022 11:40

Honestly in future I wouldn’t bother telling him anything like this that doesn’t affect his time with her. I don’t tell my ex if our son has days off school or is ill unless it affects when and where he picks him up for his contact time.

womaninatightspot · 06/09/2022 11:45

I wouldn’t take her in. I would take a photo and if contacted by the school I would send it in an email saying as per our earlier conversation X is not at school today as she has an open wound on her scalp.

The school will of had a variety of challenging parents over the years and they’ve heard it all before. Grey rock him.

diddl · 06/09/2022 11:50

Tbh I'm not sure why you are dancing to his tune.

You told the school that she won't be in as the wound is still weeping & they accepted that.

lailamaria · 06/09/2022 12:18

you were right to keep her off, if it's open your kid seems really young so would probably keep touching it and then they'd probably contract an infection

10HailMarys · 06/09/2022 12:23

If you think she should stay home, keep her home. She lives with you, not your ex, and it's your decision.

He is a bully. And of course he hasn't actually phoned her headteacher.

Azandme · 06/09/2022 12:25

I would have sent her, but understand why you didn't, and you've seen the cut, I haven't.

Now to the twunt.

I wouldn't take her in. You made an informed choice. His opinion is as un-informed as everyone here because he hasn't seen the cut either

I'd call the school and repeat that she will not be in for the reasons already given, and make them aware that he hasn't SEEN the cut, or her. I'd also tell them he can be challenging at times. He won't be the first, or sadly the last, asshat parent.

Making them aware now will potentially save problems in the future.

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