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AIBU?

Hypocritical parents?

3 replies

Toepoke · 05/09/2022 23:35

For background, we live in a town where all schools are good or excellent. There are grammar schools, but all the non-grammars in our town are also brilliant.
Middle child has just moved to secondary this year. Very bright, but has a high level of SEN (LA refused EHCP Assessment which we have appealed), and following discussion with primary SENCO and other professionals, we decided small class sizes were important for them, and chose a good local independent that has a great reputation for supporting needs like those my child has. It wasn’t an easy decision, but she wouldn’t have coped with 30-strong class sizes - primary class was 26 and that was tough going for her. Our child didn’t take the 11+ as we all felt the grammar environment would be wrong for her.
We can afford the school fees due to inheritance. We know this is a massive privilege. (Siblings go to state schools and will stay in state education. (Neither have SEN.) DH and I both went to comprehensives.)
We had a LOT of grief and snarky comments from a small but vocal number parents towards the end of primary school about our school choice. We weren’t the only parents choosing independent schools, and others had this experience too. The vocal sets of parents are self-declared left wing Corbynites. Very militant, very aggressively left wing - nobody at the school gates was in any doubt of their views. They and their group rammed it down your throats at every given opportunity. (For info, said parents are all well-educated professionals working in very well-paid jobs.)
Became aware on the grapevine that their children didn’t pass 11+. No biggie - the nearest non-grammar is truly excellent, rated outstanding, sometimes results outperform the grammars. Lots of children from our primary school go there and thrive. (Including our eldest!)
One of the militant mums made a big show of her child going there, slagging off the 11+ system, and talking loudly about spoilt kids going private if they didn’t pass. This was the start of the nastiness towards us at the school gate, on the class WhatsApp group (which I left as a result), even private messages (then blocked)
We bit our tongues for months, and thought thank fuck we never have to see these people again.
So imagine my surprise when both sets of parents and their children are at the new school induction today!
The parents breezed up to us today as if none of this had happened, and when we said we were surprised to see them there, they laughed and said that the local schools weren’t good enough for their children as they hadn’t passed the 11+.
Out go the Marxist principles!
These couples were vile to us about our schooling choice. One of the children involved was also horrid to our child because of it. To the point where school had to intervene as it turned into a bullying issue.
How on earth am I going to navigate the next 5, possibly 7 years, with these people?
I would say we can ignore them, but the school is quite small and very family oriented. Think family picnics, tea parties, weekly class/parent assemblies, etc.
I know this is very much a first world problem. It’s really soured what should have been a fresh start.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

16 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
31%
You are NOT being unreasonable
69%
Toepoke · 06/09/2022 00:00

Oh gosh, that was long!
something else one of the parents said today - they they felt they were doing the right thing giving up their child’s state school place, so that a child in greater need could take it.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 06/09/2022 00:12

You owe them nothing OP. Ignore them they sound unhinged. Either that or remind them of their ridiculous behaviour prior to enrolling at the private school.
I hope your child flourishes at their new school. Don't let these idiots spoilt it for you and your child.

Energypanic · 06/09/2022 00:14

If they are spending this much time in your head, make sure you start charging rent.

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