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AIBU?

Mum’s birthday

12 replies

Simmoka · 05/09/2022 21:32

Please help me non biased people out there with the following dilemma. Am feeling quite emotional and therefore not sure if I’m being reasonable or unreasonable:

it’s my mum’s birthday soon and my sister has suggested we celebrate with a day of activities . Thing is, I’m not sure I want to. Earlier in the year i ‘celebrated’ my birthday. It was on a Monday, I was at work during the day and home alone with my DC’s in the evening. My DH works away from home every week.
my mum popped round for ten mins to drop a present off. ( which I appreciated,,don’t get me wrong)
when it came to my sisters birthday the following month, also on a school night, my mum invited my sister and her entire family round for dinner.
I was hurt, but didn’t say anything.
recently the three of us went for a meal. My sister spoke at length about a recent event she had been too and we politely listened. When she had finished , I mentioned to them both that I was really struggling and unhappy at work and wasn’t sure what to do, but it was all very stressful. A week later, I raised the subject of work stress again and neither of them had any recollection of my original discussion. They hadn’t listened even though I clearly said I was struggling. Looking back; I recognised that I quite often go unheard.
so with that in mind, I am feeling quite low and insignificant and not in the mood to participate in my mums birthday. AIBU?
sorry for lengthy and self pitying post!
(btw, I usually make a big deal of my mums birthday)

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

36 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
14%
You are NOT being unreasonable
86%
fantasmasgoria1 · 05/09/2022 21:33

If they can't put the effort in why should you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/09/2022 21:34

Blimey, I’d feel the same. They sound really thoughtless. Send her a card, a gift if you feel like it and tell your sister you’re not around.

I hope your work stress improves.

Hbh17 · 05/09/2022 21:43

A "day of activities" sounds totally ghastly - who would want that anyway?

Sweetener12 · 06/09/2022 09:54

I agree with what PPs had said, just send her a gift, maybe a Smartshow 3d video card and you're good. A day of activities doesn't sound very appealing to me either and you don't have to be a part of it if you don't want to.

Peashoots · 06/09/2022 09:56

Hbh17 · 05/09/2022 21:43

A "day of activities" sounds totally ghastly - who would want that anyway?

Does it matter if you would find it “ghastly”? 🙄 the op obviously feels hurt and ignored, don’t minimise her feelings.
op YANBU. I would put in what you’re getting out. I know it’s not tit for tat but they’ve been really thoughtless and selfish.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 10:05

I don't blame you at all. You might as well talk to a wall before you talk to them again.

CrapBucket · 06/09/2022 10:09

It sounds like the dynamic is an issue. I would think about seeing them separately not together, do you think that would help your relationships with each other?

Simmoka · 06/09/2022 11:31

Yes possibly - they have always had a very close relationship. I moved out at 18 and lived a few hours away, before moving back to the area, whereas my sister moved out much later and has always stayed in the area.

OP posts:
nutellachurro · 06/09/2022 11:33

Hbh17 · 05/09/2022 21:43

A "day of activities" sounds totally ghastly - who would want that anyway?

Many people would like that

People with a personality that is

mondaytosunday · 06/09/2022 12:57

Yes you are being unreasonable. One thing has not much to do with the other and I would go simply because it is your mother.
However maybe you should ask them both if you could talk to them (at another time obviously) and express your feelings of hurt at their seeming inability to take any interest in your life and problems? Tell them first, when all sitting together, that you have something to say and for no one to interrupt until you are done. Then after ask them to say back to you what they heard you say. This should encourage them to really listen and take it in. What they do with the information is up to them, but at least you will have the opportunity to get it off your chest.

forrestgreen · 06/09/2022 16:01

I've learnt to treat people how they treat me.
So a present of the same £ and thought (roughly!)
And pop in for 10 min

phishy · 06/09/2022 16:24

YANBU, don’t give more of yourself than they are willing to give to you.

Be busy on that day, drop a present to your mum’s and leave after 10 minutes.

And in a week or so, talk to your mum about the favouritism to your sister.

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