To let her do what she wants in terms of education?

[inthedarkx]

Am I being unreasonable to allow my 16 year old daughter make her own choices ?

16 year old daughter left school wanted to go to college, dad said no she needs to do an apprenticeship coz her grades are low ( can you blame her having low grades after living a chaotic life since she was 12 due to his inconsistency)

She said no she’s wants to go to college and doesn’t want to do an apprenticeship so I step in as dad is being really heavy with her and forcing her so he says I as her mother only want her to go to college to get child benefit for her which isn’t true at all it’s HER CHOICE how can he accuse me

now she’s applied and enrolled into a course she wants. ( applied science) He said no she can’t go to that college coz it’s bad and ‘over his dead body’
She can go to college now apparently but only the one he says is good.

She said no she wants to go to the college she’s enrolled at

He’s no booked her an appointment at said college and she’s been told she has to go

He’s now sending me abusive messages coming to my front door talking through my letter box saying I’m a bad mum, a money grabber who doesn’t care coz I’m sending her to a ‘bad college’ he called me a looser and all sorts, all I’ve done is supported my daughter. I’m getting the abuse just so I am forced to make her change her mind at which college she should attend just do the abuse stops.

I can’t take anymore I want to do as my daughter wants but he’s telling me I’m making a mistake it’s not about me !

I need him stopped

Police do nothing, pointless

Tell him to go fuck himself, and to leave his poor daughter alone. Only arseholes bully children.

I hope your daughter does well at college. You may wish to consider a non-molestation order if your ex won't stop bothering you.

She's old enough to choose. No good comes from making older teens do things they don't want to education wise, it just makes them unhappy and less likely to engage in learning

Block him. Encourage your dd to block him if he's being abusive to her too.

Consistently report to the police and keep a diary of everything.

womens aid helped my friend get a non mol against her ex, give them a call and see if they can help.

tell your DD huge good luck, and to go kick ass at college.

Oh my god he sounds vile.
Honestly it's great that your daughter is wanting to choose her own path and has such a supportive mum behind her.
He has no right to be booking appointments at another college just because he wants her to go there. Who on earth does he think he isim sorry but he's a bully. Your daughter is a young adult and he should respect her choice.

Even if the police do nothing you should log every single incident in case you need the evidence/history in future. You have nothing to lose by reporting it. Also ask to speak to whoever is their harassment/DV lead - you don't have to rush but you might be able to get someone to have a word with him.

Of course your DD should do the thing she chooses.

Sorry you have all this to deal with.

He’s no booked her an appointment at said college and she’s been told she has to go If she didn't feel able to miss this appt, I would advise my DD to go to the appt and tell the college honestly at that appt that her abusive father made her go. Tell her not to be ashamed that it is no reflection on her, she can be as honest as she likes so she accesses the help.

You really must report this behaviour as he is harrassing a minor, she is only 16.

My son is going to do applied sciences it sounds great- honestly if she has something she iseen on doing at a place she is keen on going to that is fantastic - dad is being a twat

OP, you should be proud that you have raised a smart, mature, intelligent daughter who knows what she wants to do career-wise. Of course you should encourage this.
I assume she's 18? If so, she's an adult and her father should butt out.

If he continues this harassment of her you need to get legal advice.

I wish her every success for the future.

Sorry, just seen that she's 16. That makes his behaviour even worse.

Has she even been offered an apprenticeship? They are like gold dust around here, especially for 16 year olds. Besides that, of course it’s her choice. Does he just want her earning? Let her choose her path.

He is all about control, isn’t he? It isn’t about what your daughter wants, he wants to control her choices, and he wants to control you while he is at it. It must be very hard for a 16 year old to stand up to a horrible man like this. She is lucky to have you on her side.

It’s her choice and you’re right to let her. It sounds like she’s made a good choice for herself anyway. There’s no such thing as a “bad college” - I live somewhere where one college has a good reputation and the other a bad one. I work at the “good” one but sometimes we advise students that they might be better off enrolled at the other one! It’s just a case of courses offered, teaching style etc.

The other college also shouldn’t accept an application done by parents. It has be done by the student (although of course parents do advise and support).

I agree, keep talking to the police and trying to get a non molestation order as he is harassing you and your daughter. Record as much as you can when he’s verbally slagging you off through the letter box. Make an appointment down at the police and file a report giving them copies of the abusive messages he’s sending to you & daughter and recordings of his door step harrassment. They will have to do a non molestation order then. Good job standing up for her, by the way.

Make sure you give her room to fail, as well.

It could be devastating if she struggles and is afraid of proving him right.

Build in a back up plan.

'DD it's fine. You'll do brilliantly. If you don't like it, don't worry. Well apply for xyz then, no harm done. It's always worth being aspirational and trying things out!'

There's no pointin forcing a teenager into a direction they don't want to go, they are the ones that have to do the work, they will need their own motivation and to feel supported rather than just resentful.