What the hell is wrong with me?

[Iusedtobecarmen]

I was going to post in menopause but not sure its all related to it, plus there doesn't seem to be a huge amount of replies usually ime.
I feel so low. Not all of the time but it's affecting me.

I am peri menopausal.
Started HRT in April due to anxiety which I've never experienced before. I will explain more in a bit.
Periods still, but I was missing them for months(2 or3) so not regular as they used to be.
Also felt some vaginal atrophy. Labia definitely shrinking and all itchy(this has been going on for some time looking back and thought this was thrush).
No other symptoms at all. I'm fit and well , healthy, slim. Eat well, don't smoke. Drink too much I think, which I know will not help anxiety. I mean just wine at home, not going out getting drunk(very occasionally!).

Now I'm finding it very difficult to distinguish between hormonal anxiety/low mood and general life stuff.

I'm finding it very difficult to cope with the DC growing up. I have 4. 2 older and 2.school age.
Older ones at home.
Please be kind and don't say pull yourself together and be glad they are growing up healthy as you have done your job.

I feel a gut wrenching sadness when I look back and think of them being little. I miss it so much.
I love every stage and we still have lots of fun but I feel it's slipping away.
I have invested so much in the children that I cant imagine my life without them around so much.
I have a good job( hate it lol but no option to leave and well paid) a family and a small group of friends. Pets too :)

I have been with my DH a long time. He's overall a good reliable bloke. I love him but, if I'm honest, I don't love him the same any more(is this menopause related?-probably). And I imagine he probably doesn't love me as much any more but does love me and is happy enough.

Most of the time lately he really annoys me. He can be a grumpy fucker, the way he eats, he can be so boring at times. A million things. Some days I feel ok and can smile about these things. Other days I'm so cross I cannot look at him.

We have just been on holiday abroad and I felt a billion times better. No anxiety to speak of. So thats telling I guess.

Oh I also have horrific driving anxiety which I've pretty much had since I passed my test( late learner). Has improved but still bad.
Today it's come to a head as I obviously didn't need to drive while on holiday but now we are home , it's all back on. DC back at school and my stomach is in knots thinking of things I will have to do in the car( or avoid).

So at the end if all of this rant ,do I need to increase my HRT maybe? Prescribed 2 pumps.of oestrogel daily and utrogestron for 14 days.
I've upped my oestrogen in the past 2 or 3 weeks to 3 pumps to see if that helps. Since starting HRT I can't really say I feel better. Not necessarily worse but certainly not the way I hoped I'd feel. I'm sure sure how to tweak really.

I don't want to go back to the GP as although the initial Gp I saw was very good and prescribed HRT without an issue. Repeat prescriptions have been a bit hit and miss and I prescribed Sandrena at one point(no gel available)and they prescribed it wrong.

I'm thinking do I need to add anti depressants. Obviously will need to see GP for that.
Sorry for the essay. I have no one to tell in RL. IME telling friends means that they keep then asking. I had this with the driving where they would then ask in front of others" how is the driving, do you feel better?"
Making me worse and highlighting it.
DP I'd never tell as again, not helpful and just sighs and says what do you want me to do?

[vix3rd]

Go to the doctor and ask about Lichen Sclerosis.

I suffer from this and have had it since I was young (Very unusual).
I have no inner labia & the itching is unbearable sometimes.

[chickadeee]

You sound alike you're really having a tough time. Anxiety definitely is a symptom of menopause and so is low mood but you could also have some deficiencies eg vitamin D which can make you lethargic and feel a bit hopeless. Or it did for me. Is it worth maybe having some bloods taken? Ask your gp for a referral to a menopause specialist to look at everything together??

[Ilovelindor]

It could be the menopause. It could also be that you hate driving and you're that anxious about that, it's bleeding into the rest of your life.

What do you do for yourself that you enjoy?

[ToFindNewWays]

Sending a hug. Sounds like you’re having a tough patch. It will pass! But while you’re in it that doesn’t feel accessible I know.

You could up your oestrogel to four pumps if the three don’t help.

I think you can get an oestrogen cream for your labia/vagina which can ease symptoms.

A few extra driving lessons with an instructor who specialises in nervous clients could help. And how about hypnotherapy to support driving confidence too?

How about therapy so you have a space to talk about everything including your natural grief about the kids growing up?

Consider going sober. I know, sounds forbidding! But it’s made a massive difference to me and like you I was just drinking a glass or two at home some evenings. Our bodies can’t process alcohol so well in peri (plus it’s a toxin for everyone ofc). No booze = no hangovers, no hangxiety, more energy, better sleep.

Maybe speak to the GP about blood tests/other options. Hang in there. Get yourself all the outside help, support and advice you can.

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Thanks
I'm already on vit D ,have been for years.
No bloods,just figured most people are low.
No referral or bloods when I had HRT as went on symptoms alone.
Already have oestrogen cream!
Driving ongoing isse and defo bleeds into my life. I've had hypnotherapy before. It helped somewhat but definitely not a cure as such.

Sleeping is not an issue and I sleep really well though I know alcohol doesn't help with restorative sleep. I'm definitely cutting out drinking in the week for certain.

I like going out for walks, beauty stuff, meals out. Do all of these. Not meals so much.
Do like nights out in pub but only do v. Occasionally.
Love holidays but obviously can't go away all of the time.

[Iusedtobecarmen]

As I'm already upping oestrogel to 3 pumps, I thought I'd give it a few weeksto see if helps, then try 4?