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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this stalkerish?

23 replies

Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:22

So one of my DH’s friends tagged him in a post and I’m not able to view it. I think he has turned off the facility that enables anybody to tag you in things. He goes out with work quite a lot etc so I’m wondering if he is worried I will see something

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 05/09/2022 12:26

You're not able to see it because the friend has his profile set to private instead of 'friends of friends'.

Has your DH cheated on your before or something? You're being really paranoid about something totally trivial.

Notimeforaname · 05/09/2022 12:29

How does this constitute stalking? I don't understand...

Notimeforaname · 05/09/2022 12:30

Oh, you you mean you are being a stalker, wanting to know what his friends say to him via social media??

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 05/09/2022 12:30

His friend’s post is visible only to his own friends.

Mine is the same.

10HailMarys · 05/09/2022 12:32

Oh, and I have turned off the facility that allows people to tag me without my approval too. I'm not having an affair or hiding anything from my partner; I just don't want people I vaguely from school 30 years ago or people I work with seeing stuff I'm tagged in unless it's something I'm happy to share - eg i've had friends tag me in old pictures they've found from years back, and I don't particularly want all my colleagues to see a picture of me on holiday with my mates wearing a bikini in 1992 or something, or drinking wine from the bottle at a hen party 20 years ago.

girlmom21 · 05/09/2022 12:32

His friends privacy settings are set as friends only - that's it.

Original poster
Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:33

Yes fair enough! Haha

OP posts:
MarinoRoyale · 05/09/2022 12:33

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 05/09/2022 12:30

His friend’s post is visible only to his own friends.

Mine is the same.

Yep, mine too otherwise people you’re not friends with can see your posts, just because you’ve tagged someone who’s a mutual friend.

Original poster
Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:33

I am friends with his friend?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 05/09/2022 12:35

If you can't see the post, how do you know your DH has been tagged? Is it a post the friend has shared that was originally made by a third party?

NumptiesIncorporated · 05/09/2022 12:39

I've turned off the tagging thing, and only accept some of the posts - it's not that I'm hiding anything. It's just that some of the posts are those daft 'tag a friend who...' or 'post a no make up selfie...' or other totally annoying crap that nobody wants to see on their news feed.

Imo it's the sensible thing to do.

Original poster
Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:46

I can see the post because I am his friend but it isn’t on DH’s page even though he has been tagged. Just didn’t think he would even think to do that that’s all

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/09/2022 12:48

It's your husbands privacy settings then. Clearly he has thought to do it. He probably doesn't want people spying on him.

Original poster
Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:49

Like his paranoid wife! Haha

OP posts:
TeaStory · 05/09/2022 12:52

I don't always allow the stuff people tagged me in to show up on my timeline, it doesn't mean anything. It's not like it's hidden from you.

Original poster
Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:53

I wasn’t thinking about that particular post, his friends are lovely. He just winds me up about a woman at work and was worried he didn’t want me to see anything

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 05/09/2022 12:55

I have tagging set to be approved by me before it goes on my page. This is is I don't get photos I don't want on there etc. Perfectly normal.

Cas112 · 05/09/2022 12:55

It's his friends settings

My settings are like this, doesn't mean I'm hiding anything from my friends partners

Your overthinking this

girlmom21 · 05/09/2022 12:56

What do you mean he winds you up about her?

Presumably you're actually genuinely concerned and he keeps mentioning her?

KettrickenSmiled · 05/09/2022 12:58

Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:53

I wasn’t thinking about that particular post, his friends are lovely. He just winds me up about a woman at work and was worried he didn’t want me to see anything

How do you mean, winds you up?

That you are wound up - or he has inadvertent 'mentionitus' - or that he is deliberately taunting you about her?

10HailMarys · 05/09/2022 13:27

Henrietta90 · 05/09/2022 12:46

I can see the post because I am his friend but it isn’t on DH’s page even though he has been tagged. Just didn’t think he would even think to do that that’s all

Because DH doesn't bother to accept tagging notifications. He probably doesn't even notice them. You are massively over-thinking this.

Herejustforthisone · 05/09/2022 15:18

Tell us more about this woman from work…

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 05/09/2022 15:26

You are being very unreasonable. I have the tagging turned off because I don't always like to be tagged not because I've something to hide

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