Odd behaviour or is it me?

[Aussiegirl123456]

Over the past week or so, a male teacher at my children’s school has just begun acting strange towards me. Or maybe it’s me just over thinking things.
Last week, along a wide outside path where there was nobody else other than him and me walking in opposite directions. When we crossed paths, he bumped into me. The path is approximately 3m wide so there wasn’t any need for this to happen and he was watching me as we were walking, so it wasn’t accidental. I said ‘oopsie’ in a joking way as I tried to dodge him (as I was walking diagonally away from him he was walking towards me hence why I don’t believe it was an accidental bump), and he just looked at me before carrying on walking. Brushed it off as strange, and didn’t think anything else of it.

Since then, every time I look up while waiting for my children to come out of school, I see him just looking at me. If I smile he just has this deadpan expression.

Today I was speaking to another teacher (the head, we’re friends so was a brief chat), this teacher approached us and joined in the conversation in a friendly way. He kept touching my arm to tell me something while I was part way through speaking to the head teacher, so once I finished my sentence I turned to acknowledge him, smiled and said something, while I was actually mid sentence, he responded ‘oh right’ and turned away and walked off.

I remember too months ago now, I got a notification that he viewed my linked in profile. Irrelevant probably but?

I am very confused. Is this a power thing? Is he odd? Or am I just over thinking things and he’s actually being pretty normal?

He honestly looks like he wants to murder me!

Definitely talk to your friend. He sounds like a very angry man.

Also, make sure you’re in too much of a rush to stop and chat. Don’t engage him.

The being super cool to the kids makes me think 🚩🚩🚩

A friend of mine was a victim of CSA and its like... there's recognition between them & these creeps take an instant hate/obsession to her.

Maybe this guy is just a weirdo but his boundaries are waaaaaay messed up, I'd steer clear and be very blunt about why to others. You haven't done anything wrong. Best case scenario he's just extraordinarily clueless and not putting up with his crap is helpfully teaching him appropriate boundaries.

Yeah I’m thinking I definitely remind him of someone he dislikes. So I hope for my sake he isn’t murderer material!

No, I’m not a teacher so I didn’t take any of his jobs. He had zero reason to look at my LinkedIn.

He said that I look so unapproachable today, to which I jokingly replied ‘yet here you are’. To which he then took the boxes and was overly nice. Then he just walked off after a while, pretty much mid conversation.

I am way too long in the tooth for this shit for an irrelevant man.

I spoke to my friend who is the head, and she seemed so disbelieving as “oh he’s such a nice guy, so funny, you must have misunderstood him” 🙄

No real advice op but just wanted to say how shocked I am to see how many on here responded with “he fancies you” type messages.
NO, he doesn’t. He sounds like someone you need to stay well away from.

this is the sort of thing we were told as school children if we complained about some boy in our class pushing us around. “Oh he must fancy you” 🙄giving us warped ideas about how we should expect to be treated by males right from the start. And here we are as adults and it’s still what people are saying. 😫

There is something creepy in a nasty way about him.

Keep a log book of all your encounters. time, date, what was said.

Next time make it clear and say " I am NOT comfortable with you touching me again. Please don't do it again"

That way your message is loud and clear. See if he apologizes or just walks off, write down the encounter, do it immediately on your phone or voice message a friend so you can say you made the notes immediately, fresh in your head.
"It's Thursday 6th Sept and this just happened in the school playground...etc...)

Otherwise, this person will TWIST it that it is you who is pursuing him, and because he rejected you, that you are inventing it.

I know this is a stretch but are you in the North East??

No! God don’t tell me there’s more than one like him?!

Mmm

Oh thank god!! My friend was married to a teacher who sounds EXACTLY like this. So creepy and odd behaviour. I genuinely think he just liked to have the upper hand and have ‘power’ over people and their thoughts.
Be careful with him, he sounds like a real creep!

This would be my interpretation too. I think the "he fancies you" posts are very wide of the mark. He's a nasty, probably misogynistic man playing games with you op.

Don't smile at him and don't make jokes with him. He will take that as signs of appeasement. It's how women are taught to play nice.

If he approaches you, just say something like, I'm in a hurry, got to rush and look him in the eye, neither aggressively nor smilingly.

Don't let him touch you. Move away from him. If he walks into you again, say be careful, again not aggressively but not jokingly. If he tries to touch your arm again when you're talking to someone, say, I'll be with you in a minute if you need something.

If he tries to take something off you again, say no it's alright I've got them and walk off.

If he asks you to help with something at school, say no sorry I can't without explanation. It could be a ruse to get you into situations where he can bully you.

You're friends with the head?

Does he know this...

He might think you're the key to a promotion...

Your first post made me scream inside. This guy's behaviour is very unsettling. Stop being nice to him and laughing with him, you're letting him win his games. If you see him walking near you, walk away. If he talks to you, put your hand in a stop position and say 'no'. He's trying to pick you off. Stop being nice. Make him stay away from you and let him know you're not playing. Fucking creep.

so you ended up carrying the boxes?
he is trying to charm you

he sounds like a clown

He is already deputy head but this is what I think is the reason. I do think in a roundabout way he’s attempting to initiate a type of friendship to use me to build rapport / friendships with the head and a few other friends I have within education who are ‘high up(?)’ in that industry. Or so I say ‘oh wow, mr —— is great’ or whatever? Who knows.

It’s all just so very random! He’s been at the school for about 2 years, so it’s weird that the weirdness has only just begun. Now I think about it, the weirdness did only begin when he found out that the head and I are really close. That definitely does seem the most logical answer.

One of my children's teachers who saw the box incident rolled her eyes when I told her what had happened after she asked, and did say he does similar things often because he has so much on his plate, that he likely forgot he was helping me once distracted by having a conversation with me.

Despite the frosty looks he gives me, I don’t think he is malicious, he does genuinely seem kind to everyone…but me haha!

Anyway, he totally ignored me today which was beautiful, long may it continue! I’ve given him way too much headspace - which is probably what his cunning plan was!

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your replies.

Sums it up perfectly!

I think you are being nice to him which I would stop (I get that you are nice because you’re a nice person, so am I!) But with me, the niceness would have stopped after the manslamming.

Notice how you took responsibility for the manslamming by saying ‘oopsie[?

And how he stares at you with a deadpan expression, but you’re the one who smiles at him?

How he touched your arm inappropriately and yet you still felt obliged to smile and talk to him?

Women are socialised to react this way, but you need to be cold as ice to him. No more chit chat, no more smiles. If he gets in your personal space (even to take something from you or give you something), ask him to step back.

Nothing to add but you’re right, something is not right with him! As another poster said, stop smiling, blank him.

He's trying to build a rapport with you by deliberately walking into you and then looking at you steely-faced??? No, that is not the most logical answer to me.

He said that I look so unapproachable today,
Fucksake OP. Get your Shark Cage bolstered.
This is 100% classic negging/PUA bullshit. See the link & read the text - & think about how this stunt comparies with the 'met a man in bar' metaphor set out there.
www.jennisspace.com/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/
Buy & read Gavin de Becker's Gift of Fear.
Because that remark in isolation is entitled & manipulative enough to have made me wary of offering any 'soft' opportunity to him. But with the other incidents you have described ...
Why did you feel the need to stop & chat with him like he's a regular guy, & not someone who is making your hackles stand on end, after all you've posted here?

In accepting his 'chat' & offer of box-help, you have indicated to him that his "unapproachable" remark worked. That he has the right to expect you to be open to his approaches, & worse - that you accept that he's the boss of your time & space & can manipulate/negg you into responding to him.

to which I jokingly replied ‘yet here you are’. To which he then took the boxes and was overly nice. Then he just walked off after a while, pretty much mid conversation.
He's just done exactly what he did when he repeatedly touched your arm to interrupt your conversation with the Head.
Get your attention (control your response)
get you engaged (chat & smile ffs)
& then leave you dangling.
He's practicing some kind of pick-up artist routine.
Not necessarily because he wants to pick you up - but certainly because he wants to disconcert & control you.

I am way too long in the tooth for this shit for an irrelevant man.
Thinking this won't protect you. ACTING ON IT will.
Stop accepting his manipulative tactics. Grey Rock, or be "too busy" to chat.

I spoke to my friend who is the head, and she seemed so disbelieving as “oh he’s such a nice guy, so funny, you must have misunderstood him” 🙄
Not much of a friend is she?
She hasn't seen his odd behaviours, negging attempts, unwanted touching, or the deliberate bodyslam.
Did you describe them to her fully, or was she too busy for that today?
You should write them all down with a timeline, & go back & have a proper discussion with her.
Not necessarily because she can do anything about it - his behaviour, apart from the bodyslam (which he can just deny while painting you as mad or vindictive or obsessed with him etc) is nebulous enough that those not versed in Shark Cage etc won't spot the red flags - but to make sure she understands how differently this man acts with you, away from his public persona.

I hope this is a joke OP because there are hundreds of thousands like him.
You need to stop hoping that a pretence of 'acting normally' with him is going to stop his weird tactics.

Stop allowing him to interact with you.
The offer to carry boxes (google Favour Sharking) was classic & it worked. It made you give him X minutes of your time & attention.
Next time - a breezy "no thanks I've got this" & KEEP WALKING.

When you read your Gavin de Becker (you will do this homework, won't you OP?) you hair will stand on end at what happened to the young woman who got favour-sharked by an offer to carry her heavy cat food.

I'm not insinuating you are in any danger.
It's likely he's just practising techniques on you & is satisfied by toying with getting your attention then rudely walking off, so he feels powerful.
But you are uncomfortable with this man, & he probably knows it, & is relishing your discomfort. Why else would he have offered to carry your boxes, monopolised your time by manipulating you into the resultant social contract of "chatting normally" with him, then abruptly walked off - leaving the bloody boxes?!
Because he likes seeing you disconcerted.
He is BOUNDARY TESTING YOU. And so far, you have complied.

Stop complying.

Yup, reckon this too @RWB9 - I don't think OP is in any real danger.

But how "real" does it have to be before women convince themselves that their right to feel comfortable in public spaces outweighs the social contract to Be Nice & Owe Men Your Attention?

OP is uncomfortable - for damn good reasons.
She doesn't need to smile at this man, stop walking for him, chat to him, or accept pretend "favours" from him.

Don't let him touch you. Move away from him. If he walks into you again, say be careful, again not aggressively but not jokingly. If he tries to touch your arm again when you're talking to someone, say, I'll be with you in a minute if you need something.

This.
And if he touches your arm again - IT IS NOT RUDE to very obviously & hastily move it away from his hand, take a step back & frown at him.
Body language can be very useful as an unspoken (thereby harder to verbally challenge) overt signal that you refuse to engage in appeasement.

He is currently counting on your socially conditioned appeasement - because you have demonstrated to him that his tactics have worked. So change the demonstration!