To not want them to come?

[LittleMeal]

It's my birthday next week and me and DH are due to go out for a meal at a restaurant I've chosen.

We have arranged for our young (baby and toddler) DC to be away for the night with grandparents and I'm really looking forward to it.

My husband is now saying it would be nice to bring his older children, DSS (12) and DSD (10) because they don't often get to eat out and we don't often get to spend time with them without the little ones and they have just returned from a 2 week holiday with their grandparents last night so he hasn't seen them much recently although we will see them for one night before we go for this meal when it's our usual time so not like he won't see them at all before this meal. He wants to ask their mum if they can stay with us that night (not our usual night with them).

He doesn't understand my reluctance and thinks I'm being unreasonable not to want them there.

To be fair we do get free time, not ALL the time it's still pretty full on with the little ones but my parents are always happy to help so we can go out together or have a night off when we need one which is very fortunate.

However, I don't want my birthday meal being child focused. Different if they were meant to be with us that night I'd probably have not bothered arranging anything for the other two and we could have all gone out together and had a bit more of a child friendly meal out but was looking forward to a grown up meal in a nice restaurant and a bottle of wine or two!

[VivX]

YANBU. He is, though. It's quite cheeky of him to ask you to accommodate step children on YOUR birthday when you've made it clear you want a child-free night.
And especially when you've just arranged overnight childcare for your own children.

Agree with the other PPs to tell him no, by all means he can have them at his own birthday meal.

[Flatandhappy]

Ultimate separated dad guilt, leads to so many men being totally tone deaf. Tell him you want an adult evening for YOUR birthday, he can make whatever plans he wants for his.

[threecupsofteaminimum]

LTB

[NumberTheory]

I think he has a point about doing things with his DC that are a bit more adult than having a baby and a toddler tagging along allows for. He can do that with them some night while you stay home with your two. But it would be good if it could be you DH and his DC occasionally some night when your GP are happy to babysit, which you sound a bit reluctant to do in your posts. However, that is in no way a good reason for him pressuring you to do that for your birthday. He IBVU.

[Yousee]

If he really thinks you are unreasonable to want your own birthday to be a little bit about you and not his children, he doesn't seem to think much of you.
I'd consider arranging something with friends instead as I'd worry he was going to huff and ruin the night now, even if he did somehow dig deep and manage to leave his children with their mother.

[gamerchick]

Just tell him that fine if he wants to do something with the kids. That you'll cancel the table and organise something else with pals instead as you would rather have an adult night for your birthday. Wins all round then.

I can understand if he hasn't seen them for a couple of weeks though.

[Bananarama21]

Yanbu for wanting a celebration just you two.

However it sounds like he doesn't make adequate time for his oldest two and their grandparents are stepping up more. He need to make time with them.