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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To desperately need help sorting my life out!!

14 replies

sobadwithmoney · 04/09/2022 15:51

I'm a regular poster but have name changed for this as it's embarrassing.

I've always been quite bad with money but things have spiralled over the last couple of years and I honestly don't know how to get on track. My DH is also pretty rubbish with it too so we really don't help each other.

I know this is no excuse but I often think I may have ADHD or something similar. I really really struggle with everyday 'adulting' tasks. Cleaning the house is a nightmare, I struggle with knowing where to start and then can't seem to do stretches of more than half an hour without getting too stressed or distracted and I end up getting too wound up to do anymore. Everything from cleaning to cooking dinner just feels like an overwhelming task.

Money is the same. I sit and work out all my bills at the start of the month. I put aside money for childcare and mortgage and any other bills and then work out what we have left to spend. But then one week in to the month and I spiral with spending. I don't seem to be able to understand the consequence of spending one lot of bill money for example, despite us being in a lot of debt and me feeling bad every time I do it I just can't seem to control myself!

I'm honestly so embarrassed by it all and don't want to ask anyone in real life for help because I don't want them to know what a mess we are in.

Has anyone got any recommendations on any ways I can get myself in to an easy to follow routine?? Or any other tips??

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 04/09/2022 15:52

Following as I too struggle and have been slowly sorting my stuff out

Topgub · 04/09/2022 15:57

Can you srt up your bills so they all come out on the day you get paid?

Include debt repayment.

Then you cant spend the money on non essentials

Have you accessed trying to get an adhd diagnosis and any help that would be available?

Does your oh fo a fair share of cooking and housework?

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2022 15:58

Can you get someone to help you in the short term? Once the systems are set up, they become easier to live within.

I do understand. Money isn't really my problem.

Housework and self care, though... Sad

Topgub · 04/09/2022 16:01

What about following on of those methods for cleaning?

I hate the term but folk rave about the organised mum method

Ilikewinter · 04/09/2022 16:03

Do you habe a seperate account for your mortgage and bills?.
Id transfer all of my bill money into a seperate account and move the DD dates to 2 days later, just incase theres any issues!.

Dont take you bank card out with you and de-activate any mobile phone payments.

Work out a weekly allowance and take it out in cash - once its gone its gone.

Cleaning - do 1 room a day, or 1 task, ie hoover all upstairs.

Original poster
sobadwithmoney · 04/09/2022 16:34

Thanks all, these are really helpful suggestions!

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/09/2022 16:55

What are you spending money on exactly?

Original poster
sobadwithmoney · 04/09/2022 18:37

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/09/2022 16:55

What are you spending money on exactly?

Everything that I shouldn't be. Eating out, takeaways, days out for the kids. If I see something online I become obsessive about why we need it even though I know deep down we don't.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2022 19:40

Could you try and develop a different compulsion, to avoid buying anything until you've thought about it for a month?

I often put things in my Amazon basket. I never check out straight away- unless it's something urgent.
When I next look, I don't often want it anymore.

Original poster
sobadwithmoney · 04/09/2022 20:09

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2022 19:40

Could you try and develop a different compulsion, to avoid buying anything until you've thought about it for a month?

I often put things in my Amazon basket. I never check out straight away- unless it's something urgent.
When I next look, I don't often want it anymore.

That's a brilliant idea, I think I'll give that a try. I have a very obsessive personality so I find impulse control hard. I have OCD and am on medication for it but I think it's probably linked to that. I think my problem is that I never stop for a while to think about something I just do it straight away so my new aim is to try and wait at least a day or two to consider things before jumping in to it.

OP posts:
gingertoast · 04/09/2022 20:13

The BEST advice I can give you is to come off social media. Facebook, Instagram etc. it's an incredibly effective marketing and a constant subconscious drip feed of enticing things to buy. I was so guilty of this, every month I'd be buying stuff that I really didn't need. Since leaving SM I just don't have the urge to order new clothes/shoes/makeup unless there is something I genuinely need

ILoveMonday · 04/09/2022 20:20

I had this problem with spending. One thing I do now is to set a 72 hour cooling off period. Usually this is enough time to assess whether I really need something or not. With the cleaning, if you can't do more than 30 mins at a time, why make yourself? Set yourself smaller targets.

Potcallingkettle · 04/09/2022 20:26

I’m with picklemewalnuts. I regularly create online shopping baskets and then close the tab without checking out. If I discover I really want it, I can come back to it.

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2022 20:37

It's really important to remember you can have it if you really want it. You're just waiting a day or three to have a think.
Maybe think in terms of when you've saved up for it, or similar.

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