Husband is negative all the time

[Onesizefitsalll]

So I KNOW we are in a recession, and I KNOW the whole world is going to hell in a handcart
we live in a nice house in a nice area and the mortgage is a bit of a stretch (although it’s fixed for 4 years) the gas and electric bills have gone up and we’ve got 2 sets of uni accommodation to pay which is £12 k a year so you know we aren’t flush at the moment but we do both earn ok wages (police officer and nurse)

But my husband just moans all the time about inflation, the war, riots, how bad things are going to get, I can’t take any more, I asked him to go for counselling because I’m genuinely worried about his negative mindset, whilst it’s based in reality I feel it’s becoming all consuming and to be honest it’s bringing me down. We’ve got 4 months wages saved, I feel we are weathering the storm better than most, both in recession proof jobs (or as recession proof as you can get)

AIBU? He says I’m sticking my head in the sand but I just feel it’s outwith my control so I’m not going to spend energy on it, we both see some terrible things in our jobs and it seems to make me feel grateful and realise life can be short , it seems to have a different effect on him. It’s really getting me down and I’ve found myself avoiding spending time with him lately which isn’t great for our marriage!

I have been looking for couples counselling but he’s freak out about spending the money on it!

He is entitled to some free counselling through work, AIBU to tell him to get it, and do I need it? Am I living in denial?

I think you're both in difficult jobs and probably exhausted.

2 kids at uni means you've been in the family set up for a long time... was he hoping he would be retired when the kids went to uni? Maybe he's just a bit pissed off you're all still working so hard while they kids are off having a great time at your expense.

Counselling would be no bad thing.

I wouldn’t say kids are “having a great time at our expense” both are studying medicine and as such can’t really get part time jobs because they are in hospital so much so aren’t available to work, they both usually work as much as possible. They also take out full student loans but that is less than accommodation costs and they need money for food and transport, we are only in our early 40’s so nowhere near retrial although we only have 7 years left on the mortgage. He is a bit bitter we both worked all during lockdown especially because his mum died then and his sister was furloughed and got to spend a lot of time with her before she died. He doesn’t blame anyone but there’s definitely grief at play, he’s just so bitter lately it’s tough to live with

Sounds like he’s harbouring a lot of grief/resentment from the death of his mum, as well as covid fatigue from working all the way through. Yes, free counselling would be a great idea. I hope he accepts the help.

Also, not looking forward to anything and not finding joy in life are symptoms of depression, aren’t they?

Yes, he does still look forward to some stuff, he plays a lot of sport and gets excited about that but outwith it’s less and less, he won’t event book a holiday as they are “too expensive” and “there’s a recession” and “covid”

Whilst it could be grief related some people are always merchants of doom
Currently at moment wife banging on about fuel and how cold and miserable winter is going to be every fucking day I hear it

my solution £400/450 is doable for fuel bill but more at a push quiet happy for sleep bag on sofa and go to bed to watch tele Late evening and spend day off in gym
her solution we’re all going to freeze
that’s just 1 example

Keep an eye on his mental health. Any other signs of poor mood or anything? My DH was a very easy going man who just got on with things and a few months ago started watching the news for hours every day and every single conversation was about fixing the mortgage or the gas prices or a daily discussion on the price of lurpak. I also feel the pressure with the cost of living increases but in reality I am also a nurse and if I want to bring in extra cash I can do one agency shift a week for a decent addition to my salary. While I know we are squeezed I have completely unlimited overtime so could increase my income if need be, I know things won't be as bad for us than for some.

Anyway about 3 weeks ago he had a panic attack and now has been dealing with panic disorder with daily attacks and constant severe anxiety where he is thankfully working from home but essentially housebound apart from trips to the doctors and I'm so proud of him managing a walk every day. Can't believe how quickly he has deteriorated and how different our lives were 1 month ago. In hindsight he probably has been showing a low mood and general anxiety for about 6 months and constant obsession with cost of living. I wish I had accessed support way in advance and he wasn't having to go through this now.

Ps all my favourite docs did bank HCA shifts during their training, might give your children some extra pocket money and take the pressure off a bit and they only have to do 1 a month to stay on the bank.