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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do you think about this behaviour?

15 replies

Username2144 · 04/09/2022 13:12

N/c for this. I’m self employed and work in people’s houses as a housekeeper. I took on a young family and don’t often see them as they’re at work. However I’ve had a few encounters with the husband when he’s been home looking after their child.

On the first occasion I was working in one of the rooms and he appeared with their child and told me he was watching me work. He stood a few feet away and stared chatting to his son. I was bending over and aware he was able to stare down my top. So I ignored him and started hoovering which prompted him to leave the room.

Half an hour later he started to do this again in a different part of the house. So I broke off from that task and moved to an area where he couldn’t follow me.

On a separate occasion I was working upstairs at the end of the corridor and he decided to sit in the room opposite with the door open and kept staring at me without saying anything. Again I ignored him.

YABU to feel concerned about his behaviour
YANBU to feel uncomfortable/concerned and give notice to leave

OP posts:

raindon · 04/09/2022 13:15

You feel uncomfortable that's all that matters. It doesn't matter if anyone else says yes that's perfectly normal behaviour (it really isn't imo)

DelphiniumBlue · 04/09/2022 13:16

He's a creeper. I'd resign and tell his wife why.

BCBird · 04/09/2022 13:17

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I would feel uncomfortable in.this situation.

I suspect if you said anything he would deny anything. The problem any peace you felt has now gone. I don't think you will be able to regain this.
Can you leave?
Please be alert and look for something else.

Goldfishjones · 04/09/2022 13:20

Weird and creepy. I expect that he will push your boundaries and escalate his weird behaviour (speaking from experience).

giveovernate · 04/09/2022 13:23

Resign, you shouldn't be watched like that 🤮

BlusteryLake · 04/09/2022 13:24

That's definitely odd behaviour. I would resign before it escalates. Could you look for another position and hand in your notice as soon as you have one?

Lindy2 · 04/09/2022 13:32

I'd resign and state that the husband deliberately following you around the house and staring at you while you work is unacceptable and unsettling behaviour.

Good housekeepers are hard to find, where I live. Hopefully you will secure work with a new, more pleasant family soon.

billy1966 · 04/09/2022 13:38

DelphiniumBlue · 04/09/2022 13:16

He's a creeper. I'd resign and tell his wife why.

Absolutely this.

Don't work any notice either for this reason if it doesn't suit you.

Original poster

Username2144 · 04/09/2022 13:41

Thanks for all your replies. I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of harassment at work and have already finished with a couple of clients due to similar kinds of behaviour. I wouldn’t dream of hanging around a worker in my own place but some of these people don’t care. And yet again, I have to take the financial hit for other people’s behaviour.

OP posts:

CheapBeersFilledwithCrocodileTears · 04/09/2022 13:45

@Username2144 This is just so wrong. Cleaners and housekeepers are going into homes, and of course it leaves them vulnerable. You’re doing a very necessary job for people who need help (I’m disabled and would be in deep shit without our housekeeper), and for this man to make you feel uncomfortable and possibly unsafe is just low of him and disgusting. If you can afford to, give notice and leave. If you can’t afford to, consider speaking with the wife and state that it’s difficult for you to do your job with someone following you around the house. Hopefully, she’ll get the message.

WonderingWanda · 04/09/2022 14:04

Grim, he sounds like creep. I would quit and tell his wife that his behaviour has made you feel uncomfortable, make sure to tell her about him saying he was watching you.

mycatisannoying · 04/09/2022 14:19

What an absolute creep.

However I definitely wouldn't just slink off and let him get away with it. He's obviously on some kind of power trip.

I'd go along the lines of: 'Is there a reason you are watching me while I'm at work? If you're not happy with the job I'm doing, then I'd rather you just tell me'.

Original poster

Username2144 · 04/09/2022 14:59

It is tempting to tell the wife about my reason for giving notice but I only have the husband’s mobile number.

OP posts:

expatmum22 · 03/03/2023 09:39

Is she never around when you are there? It’s very odd for a guy to hire a cleaner. normally the wife will do that. He actually sounds quite scary now. Ask him to give you her number and see what he says…but I also think you should leave…he’s not going to improve. And it sounds like he’s just waiting for an opportunity to approach you?

Original poster

Username2144 · 03/03/2023 15:33

Update: Thanks for everyone’s replies. I no longer work for this couple which is a big relief. I miss the work/money but I don’t miss feeling uncomfortable or played with. I’m glad I didn’t approach the wife with this, I don’t think i would’ve been believed. My work had suffered in the last few months I’d worked for them so they made other arrangements…

@expatmum22 you’re right, it did feel scary at times because I had no way of being able to prove this was happening. It was sporadic events so it was much harder to predict. Re hiring a cleaner; I believe it was a joint decision to get a cleaner but he was my main point of contact. The wife’s job was such that she wasn’t able to take many personal calls at work.

OP posts:

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