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AIBU?

To ask for your examples of living life to the full?

6 replies

ChocBanana · 04/09/2022 00:20

To top off a difficult few years, one of my oldest friends died recently. And it’s given me a wake up call (I think this is a common reaction in this situation). I know it’s a cliche but life is short - my friend had been ill for a while, but went from “your cancer is still under control” to “it’s terminal” and died all within a month so it’s been a shock.
Ever since I’ve known her, she has talked of plans that never materialised, but she admitted that was because she would do it “one day”.
She was going to visit her family in Australia “one day” but never got to go.
I have read the first two chapters of the book she had been writing for 20 years, but she will finish it “one day”.
We were going to have a day out to London “one day” etc.
I didn’t actually see her for about a year before she died because she specifically asked people not to visit until she was better, but the last time I did see her, something came up and I said “I’ll do that one day”. She said “Don’t forget, because one day you might not be able to.”
I didn’t really think about it till now. But now I feel like I need to take opportunities and stop waiting for one day.
I don’t have any money and I like my job so I’m not talking about major life changes but I was wondering if anyone has had similar and if so, what you no longer put off till “one day”?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

8 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
0%
You are NOT being unreasonable
100%
Jibbajabba1 · 04/09/2022 02:47

So sorry to hear about your friend 💐

hilariousnamehere · 04/09/2022 03:12

I'm so sorry you've lost your friend 💐

I have always lived like this as much as possible, partly because a friend in my year in sixth form died very suddenly aged 17, and I never quite came to terms with him not getting to experience everything the rest of us did in young adulthood and the rest of life. I lost my Dad five and a half years ago and that's made me really appreciate that we only get one life.

So... big stuff for me has been quitting my job to finally run my creative businesses full time, working on my own schedule (hence still being awake at gone 3am), having pets, buying my house, saying yes to mad stuff like a banger rally across Europe, choosing to live alone, stay single and not have children despite what everyone often tells me I should be doing instead.

Smaller stuff which doesn't rely on anyone else, doesn't require chucking your life on a fire and has had just as much impact on my happiness - burlesque classes, a ridiculous (but not expensive) car for a decade, a collection of beautiful bedsheets, a milk frother for proper hot chocolate, making time to read, writing with fountain pens (my favourites are kaweco sports with a broad nib, under £20) and finding my signature ink colour, spending as much time as I can by the sea or the river, my kayak and going out paddling on my own and also with friends, going to steampunk and events with like-minded weirdos in costume, making art, wild swimming, wearing exactly what I want with zero regard for fashion, occasionally ordering a whole cake or cheesecake just because... a nearly endless list of things, none of them massively spendy, which mostly can probably be summed up by saying do what you fancy, define your own indulgences, and use the stuff you're saving for 'best' all the time 😁

And I make an effort to spend as much time with friends and family as I can - but I like having the other things to live fully even when other people aren't available.

Lots of people will probably say travel - I'd say exploring, which I'm currently really enjoying doing in the UK, reasonably close to home. I have caring responsibilities so am unlikely to go far for the next few years, but there's so much to discover here once you start looking. I have a list of places I want to visit which are inspired by or featured in favourite books.

If you're a theatre person, sign up for the mailing list of your local one - I've seen some amazing productions (dance is the thing I love most) in local theatres and you can often book last minute.

And I love to document all of these adventures, big and small - sometimes in a journal, sometimes on my blogs and sometimes in scrapbooks or photo albums, but there's usually a record somewhere (and a massive box of things to put in a scrapbook or album when I have time!).

That was a bit longer than planned but well done if you read to the end. I hope you find a whole list of your own of things that make your life full and happy and joyful x

sayanythingelse · 04/09/2022 06:47

So sorry about your friend OP.

I've always lived in the moment and I think it stems from my mum (and more recently my MIL) being homebodies. Neither really leave their little towns and MIL is heavily reliant on others. She always says stuff like "oh I've always wanted to go to the theatre but FIL won't drive me" (despite being able to drive herself but being too scared to as she only drives locally). Both are getting older now and I can't imagine living my life saying "I wish I'd done that".

If I want to do something, I do it. I've always wanted to go to the races - so I went. I wanted to go to America - so I saved up and went.
I think it helps that my DH knows that I'll just do whatever I want anyway, so he doesn't bother telling me no. Obviously, we discuss big things together but stuff like holidays - he just turns up with his passport in hand.

Best of luck. Go book some tickets or a spa day or a holiday or whatever you've wanted to do and look after yourself 🙉💐(ps, ignore the monkey, I can't seem to delete him on mobile lol)

HikingBoots · 04/09/2022 08:32

Sorry about your friend OP.
As awful as it sounds, for my entire life I've watched my mum not live life to the full. She's just had breast cancer and a masectomy and it's not given her a wakeup call to get on and DO the things she wants to do, so I know now that nothing will.
I've always lived life to the full.
I seek out a new job when I want one, I do an extra qualification when I want to - and finish it. I take risks. My husband and I relocated to a national park in our mid-30s so that we get to enjoy the lifestyle we want NOW.
I did an overseas 3-month secondment with my job. I've holidayed alone, even though I'm married, because I wanted to challenge myself.
I run, hike, cycle and go wild swimming. I'll go for a bike ride and have a picnic dinner on a Tuesday evening because the weather's nice.
But to me it's the smaller things that matter most when it comes to 'living life to the full'. It's walking around with your eyes OPEN to your surroundings.
Notice the weather, notice what it does to the garden. Observe how hedgerows change from one season to the next. Notice the birds building nests in Spring and be amazed by their hard work. Look up when you're walking through town and appreciate the beautiful architecture around you. Visit that patch of woodland on the edge of your town that you've never been to - look at the woodland floor, there are probably 20 different species of plant in one square foot of earth. Sit in a coffee shop and people watch out of the window!
All of these things help you to squeeze joy out of our limited time on earth and really make it count.

Zofloraqueen27 · 04/09/2022 08:52

I very recently heard these very wise words and I am really taking notice of what they say …”The biggest risk in life is not doing what you want on the bet that you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later”.

Undermearmour · 04/09/2022 08:57

I'm sorry about your friend OP. I lost my sister to cancer at 37. A year later a colleague died of cancer at 44. I'm 42.

The main thing I try to remember is that I have time with my DC that my sister never had with DN. So I try to be as present as I can be for my DC. And remind myself that at least I have this time when my kids are driving me mad.

It's also made me really start looking after my health.

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