To not want to go out tomorrow because of how I look at the moment?

[MavisMonkey]

I have an auto immune issue that I usually manage quite well but last week I went on holiday and despite wearing factor 50 I managed to get sun burned on my face.

Due to my health issues the sun burn hasn't been kind to me. My nose blistered, burst and crusted over so I have a massive red spot right on the end of my nose a La Rudolph the reindeer and it also caused me to break out with a huge cold sore- it's massive and helpfully lines up in the middle of my lower lip almost directly in line with my big red nose. Finally my forehead has started peeling so half my forehead is red and the half that has peeled is back to white. Basically I look like a bag of shite and all the issues are on my face so can't be covered / avoid having people see them.

Tomorrow evening we are due to attend a family event for DHs side of the family. It's his nephews 18th birthday and the entire extended family will be there. They are generally quite a glam crowd, whereas I'm not at the best of times and whilst I'm not at all vain I just feel so crap about how awful my face looks that I really don't want to go. Im friendly with his nephew but not super close so don't think I would be missed, although in laws will question it.

I feel really shallow for it, and I know DH would feel super awkward making excuses to everyone asking where I am and would have to look after our kids solo but I just feel like I can't face it.

I can't figure out how to enable voting on the app, but I need a sense check!
YANBU- it's a perfectly valid reason to not go , keep your poorly face at home where it belongs.
YABU- don't be so shallow, it's a family event for a milestone occasion you should put your vanity aside and go, no one cares about your scabby face.

I would feel the same, although you shouldn’t feel bad about your face you can’t help it, but you feel how you feel and if you don’t want to go then dont. Your husband can just say you were feeling unwell, though you don’t have to give a reason. I hope you feel better soon, it sounds like you have had a rotten time. X

I probably wouldn't go, on the basis this isn't going to upset your nephew too much by the sound of things and it's his thing.

Whilst I think we worry a lot more about how we appear than others do (they are too busy worrying about themselves), I just wouldn't enjoy myself.

Thanks both, I think the crux of it is as @TheOGCCL says, I just won't enjoy it as I'm so self conscious of it. Plus it's all pretty painful so saying I'm unwell wouldn't be an out and out lie...

YANBU. Your husband can just say that you feel too ill to attend which is the truth.

Aloe Vera will work wonders for your skin and then some heavy duty concealer.

It isn't shallow. Having very obvious skin issues can be upsetting, and despite people's best intentions, they do stare. I have psoriasis and when it flares up a lot I often won't go out. I feel too uncomfortable. I know it shouldn't matter but it does. Not just staring but pain trying to plaster foundation over it!

Having super sensitive skin, this kind of thing happens to me and it's awful.
I think you should stay at home and rest and let your skin recover.
I got sun and wind burn over the summer, my nose blistered and started to get a huge cold sore. I was in Ireland for god's sake!
Took ages for my skin to recover and kept getting cold sores for weeks after.
Can i ask what your immunity problem is?

Cant help with your scenario but might be able to help withthe coldsore....
The one (non-covid) benefit of having to wear the disposable facemasks were that they really helped when I got coldsores (which I get fairly regularly) over that time. I think they must have stopped the colder air getting to it which reduced alot of the pain. If you have to go out pop a face mask on 1) it might reduce the pain, 2) it covers up 2/3 areas you are feeling self conscience of and I suppose 3) people will assume you have covid so will leave you in peace.

Oh god definitely don't go. It's not shallow at all. I've suffered from adult acne and felt so self conscious. I couldn't look anyone in the eye. There were plenty of times I wanted to hideaway indoors. Is the nephew really going to care? Probably not. Tell your DH to tell them you've got a dicky tummy.

You won’t enjoy it and it sounds painful, give it a miss 💐

Thanks for all the supportive replies everyone! Waking up today the cold sore looks slightly less angry and the red nose might be coverable with foundation but I'm still leaning towards not going. I'm just too conscious of it all and I feel rubbish as well.

Have been slathering aloe Vera on which has helped with making the peeling less scaly but it's still there! I find putting concealer / foundation on can make it look worse though

Plus it's all pretty painful so saying I'm unwell wouldn't be an out and out lie...

it wouldn’t be a lie at all. As well as the way you look you sound as if you feel pretty terrible.

The nephew won't be affected, the family won't mind if they hear you're poorly, the main issue here is your dh feeling awkward but you shouldn't suffer a horrible evening pining a smile on when you feel like hiding to save him a momentary squirm.

Think of a socially acceptable excuse and don't go.

@efeslight sorry to hear you have sensitive skin and went through the same... in Ireland of all places! Although saying that Ireland had a lovely summer this year and I always think that the lack of pollution there makes the sun seem stronger when it does make an appearance.

I've got long covid which I actually think has ended up as CFS and it manifests in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways as my body just can't seem to defend itself as it did previously- a spot last year on my chin developed into an infection in my jaw, a mosquito bite developed into cellulitis and cold sores can lay me out with flu like symptoms for a week. Add this to the frequent dizziness and fatigue and most notably any cold or cough brought into the household would lay me out so I developed 8 chest infections last year. Eventually my consultant put me on a permanent course of antibiotics to protect my lungs which has helped massively.

Things seem to go from normal to the next level (such as my spot to jaw infection) when I'm over extended so resting and pacing are key in trying to keep an even keel. Stress, lack of sleep and physical exertion are all also triggers- I wasn't sleeping well on holiday and had done more walking than usual so the sun burn tipped me over the edge. Sorry for the long post!

Your problem is your DH feeling ‘super awkward’ attending a family event, his family, and explaining you aren’t well.

Don’t go and tell him to man up.

btw I empathise, I once got super burned on a cloudy day in California and developed such raging cold sores I attended hospital for anti virals. I looked like a swamp monster and felt crap. Stay home and send apologies.

Bloody hell op! Why on earth are you even still toying with the idea given that situation! Hope your dh isn't making you feel unreasonable!

I've missed a two things when I've had a bad cold sore. It's not shallow or vain. When socialising your face is the main thing people see and look at. Totally OK not to go.

I wouldn’t go. DH can say you’ve reacted badly to too much sun and don’t feel well enough to be there. Not a lie.

YANBU and I wouldn't go out either OP. I once pulled out of attending a friend's wedding at the last minute, because I had impetigo on my face. I felt awful for doing it, but I looked like a leper and had an active infection on my face, which was hideous!

I would normally suggest going but it sounds quite bad so I think YANBU to not to want to go. Hope everything settles down soon.

I wouldn't go either. I have pustular roseacea and have cancelled many events

Whack a load of sudocrem on it it will help it heal and pull some redness out of it.

Don’t go.

And don’t feel guilty about it please. It’s perfectly normal to feel as you are.