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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to give daughter techniques for bullying

4 replies

Tootief · 03/09/2022 19:29

My daughter starts secondary school next week.

She's always had a masculine clothing style. She's had an occassional bit of minor teasing but she's confident in herself so has shrugged it off.

She's had her hair cut into a very short, very boyish pixie. She loves it and it is very her. It's the complete opposite to the ubiquitous long straightened hair that all girls around here seem to have.

She went to kids club a few days this week and was constantly asked if she was a boy, trans or if she was gay. They even called her a boys name until a leader stepped in.

It could just be that group but I'm worried that her style and particularly her new hair will draw a lot of negative attention. How can I help her continue to feel confident enough to be herself?

I was bullied throughout school for being the odd one. I don't want her to feel she has to conform. I just want her to continue to be self-assured and happy to wear the boys school shoes (or girls shoes) if she wants.

What techniques can I give her? I was always told to just ignore the bullies even when they were throwing stuff at me which obviously works very well and serves me well in adulthood (sarcastic).

Disclaimer: I know clothing etc doesn't have genitals but it's clear what I mean when I say "boys shoes". The stuff she likes is very obviously from the boys section. I also know short hair can be feminine but her cut isn't (which is absolutely fine). Also, I don't think she is gay or trans but if she is, that's fine too.

OP posts:
Notanotherwindow · 03/09/2022 19:34

I always found the best thing was just to look at them funny and then go back to whatever I was doing. Maybe the odd eye roll or HOW old are you?

BlueKaftan · 03/09/2022 19:37

Teach her how to hold their stare, to smirk and then slowly look away.

Saracen · 04/09/2022 02:20

I once saw a ten year old girl have good success with side eyes and saying very loudly, "How. Rude."

It turned everything back on the lad who was trying to tease her about her appearance, drawing attention to HIS bad behaviour instead of her appearance. He'd been counting on her being too embarrassed to say anything.

Everyone in the room turned to look at him, to see what he was doing which was so rude. He even looked ashamed.

Helplessmum3 · 25/06/2023 08:32

Hi,

Just found your post and wondered how your daughter is now getting on with secondary school?

I am in a similar position with my son and am absolutely dreading him starting secondary school in September.

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