Loans, should I be worried?

[bakeoffsbackalright]

I was sitting with my DP yesterday when he was looking up something on his phone. I saw his email inbox, which had three or four emails from a loan company. It looked like 'Quicken Loans', but I didn't get to see it properly as he moved the screen quickly.

For background: He is a lower earner by choice. Well paid for what he does, but doesn't like to work more than a couple of days a week. I work long hours (up to 60 per week) and earn just over £50k. We each get paid into our own accounts, then transfer money into the joint account for mortgage and bills. The split is now 25% him, 75% me. It used to be a little more even, maybe 40/60, but as prices have gone up, I have increased how much I put in, while he hasn't.

Some months, he doesn't pay anything in, because he can't afford it, or hasn't been paid. I know that he has a credit card and is paying only the minimum payment, but I don't know how much he has on it.

The emails about loans have made me worried. If he's taking out loans without telling me, that seems really concerning. Especially as I already cover so much of our joint expenses. He's not great at talking about stuff like this, often getting defensive or changing the subject.

I've googled Quicken Loans and there is an American company with that name, and also a 'quicken' budgeting resource. Could it be that? Or just junk mail, maybe?

Should I be worried?

I get emails about loans all the time. I don't have any loans.

What did he say when you asked him? There’s a fair chance it’s junk Mail but who knows

If you can't talk to him about this to me he doesn't sound like a dp. I'd be looking at whether I wanted to be in this relationship whether or not he has taken out a loan.

Ignoring the loans, why on earth are you accepting him only working 2 days per week and only contributing 25%?

He needs to get off his arse and work more hours, then he wouldn't need credit cards and loans so much.

He needs to be paying his way, you are enabling him not to. Cocklodger!!!!!!!

I think you should be worried about the fact he is living off you - unless he does childcare or fully manages the house.

does he do your washing? I would bet a reasonable amount he doesn’t.

Why are you allowing him to work two days a week and not contribute?

This is a YOU problem.

Might just be junk mail but tell the lazy git to get off his arse and work more days

He is a lower earner because he chooses to work pt and you allow him to only contribute 25%? Does he also look after young children/clean the house/look after household admin? If not, why do you allow this imbalance when you're working such long hours yourself?

I don’t mind lower earner by choice if it’s someone who is say a social worker, or minister or works for a charity because the work is good for society. But that’s assuming they still work FT. Someone who only works 2 days a week…so 16hrs is working PT and I wouldn’t accept that in a partner unless they were in medical school or a post graduate student. You shouldn’t be enabling him to have this life of luxury while you are working 50+ hrs each week!

He works a couple of days a week contributing only about 25% towards your joint expenses? Cocklodger

He has a credit-card and only pays the minimum each month? Financial moron.

I’d be thinking very hard about getting rid asap. In your shoes I’d be burning with resentment. No better way to have your knees permanently clamped together

There are some past issues with stress, anxiety and depression- he had a nervous breakdown before I knew him due to overworking. The imbalance of our contributions has been slow, and I suppose I hadn't really thought about it. However, I DO earn more than him. There are other posts on here about it being unfair to expect a lower earner to pay 50/50.

We don't have any kids. He does some of the household stuff, but the majority is me. Beginning to feel like a bit of a mug, the more I write about it.

I think it's unfair to expect a lower earner to contribute equally IF as pp said they are working FT and/or in a role that supports society- but in this scenario where he COULD earn more but CHOOSES to only work 2 days per week - and expects you to do all the house stuff- I think he's taking the absolute piss. With the cost of living increasing you've mindfully topped up your bills contribution - has he even CONSIDERED that he might need to up his hours?

Can someone explain why women willingly settle for lazy unproductive wasters?

Are you sure he had a breakdown before you met? If he did, was it honestly because he was working too many hours?

I have to say that I think your being take for a ride.

Beginning to feel like a bit of a mug, the more I write about it.

Good. Because nothing you’ve written sounds like he’s justified in paying so much less than you.

If he worked 5 days a week and did 50% if the household management but just earned less than you, it’s fair you pay more.

If he did 3x days’ worth of household management/childcare and only worked 2 days in paid employment- fair you pay more.

Choosing to work 2 days a week (if that), contribute 25% if outgoings (if that - sometimes he pays nothing!) and doing nothing else of value …

Come on.

@Minimalme I'm fairly sure, from what his friends and parents have said about it. It was a management type role with strict deadlines, and the stress and constant overtime was the killer for him.

He was used to living alone and running his household before we bought together, so maybe he's just let himself relax knowing my regular wage is coming in each month?

Well paid for what he does, but doesn't like to work more than a couple of days a week

Poor dear.

Do you see a future with him? I'm sure he does with you in this set up.

I KNEW you would be doing most of the domestic chores. KNEW IT

OP is is treating you with contempt

awful