To make my DD play with other neighbours child.

[itispersonal]

We live on a cul de sac, so my dd (9) plays outside on the street with the other girl (8) neighbour. They are best friends and come into and out of each other's houses to play/ hang out etc.

On the road there is also another child a boy who is 7- 2 school years below mine (but a lot 'younger' due to additional needs, though the 2 girls are immature). When they were all a bit younger 2 years ago, they all use to play outside but as the girls have got older they no longer want to play with him when they are outside!

My dp says I shouldn't make them play with him if he comes out to join them but I feel that is excluding him and as there is only 3, it's mean not to. (Though both my dd and the girl are only children) and the boy has a brother a couple of years younger than him, but doesn't play out. The boy is sporty and wants to play football, bikes etc where the girls are more lol dolls and make up.

Aibu to say she/ they should make an effort to all play together or should my dd say I don't want to play with him and that be ok.

My dd has a small circle of friends and she prefers it that way. But I think if the situation was reverse, I wouldn't want my child to feel left out and that happened when dd was 4/5 and the older children on the street were 9,10! Which I got but it still wasn't nice. We are also going through an ASC diagnosis, and as she gets older teenager there might be more times when she is excluded socially!

I think if he comes over when they are playing to chat they should be told to be polite and allow him to join in. As long as he isn't unkind and hurting there's no reason not to.

I always hear people say "no one has to interact and socialise with someone they don't like".

Well no they don't. But I also don't know anyone who is socially adapted who would get up and leave a coffee shop, the staff room at work, a seat on a bus because someone they know but don't particularly want to talk to sits there.

This sounds like a good set up.

What I would discourage is an immediate withdrawal and dismissal of his company. Being polite to someone for a short period of time is a good life skill!

That sounds like what they are doing. He comes over, they have a polite chat and play, and then they go in.

Your DD's behaviour sounds fine. At her age, you don't get to choose who is in her 'gang' unfortunately and so long as she's polite and considerate of the younger boy's feelings, that's really all you can ask.

’I just feel it is exclusive as if they were all girls and the same age range between them all and one of them was left out of the 'gang' it would be mean’

But they’re not. You are seriously overthinking this. They’re being polite, that’s enough. Children are going to split off into groups by age and interest.

OP, ignore the miserable people who are giving you a hard time. Essentially all you're doing is trying to be kind to another child who is potentially feeling left out. And you're simply asking if you're being unreasonable by trying to facilitate it. Which I absolutely don't think you are.

No, maybe don't force it, but have a quiet work and say to her maybe it would be nice to let X boy play with you sometimes. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and if my child was in a situation where they were possible being left out of playing with others, then I'd like to think the parents of the other children would encourage them to play nicely together. I hate the idea of children being left out.

Thank you @wibblywobblybits That's my issue and also with the child having Additional needs it seems even more mean to exclude him when playing outside.

I wouldn't want/ like it if it was my child being left out. If they are in private back garden it would be different. But as it's on the front, all should be included.